Saturday, July 20, 2024

Jeff Sessions Called Out By ‘The Onion’ In The Best Way Possible

Need a chuckle for the weekend? The Onion delivers the laughs this week with a hilarious “news in brief” spoof of embattled Attorney General Jeff Sessions and his dicey standing with his boss, President Donald Trump.

Ever since Sessions recused himself from the Russia investigation early in Trump’s presidency, the two have been having trouble getting along. The Onion combined this controversy with Sessions’ long record of reefer madness propaganda to deliver a hilarious takedown of the attorney general. All with tongue planted firmly in cheek.

Under the dire headline “Inconsolable Jeff Sessions Tries To Commit Suicide By Smoking Joint,” The Onion its best shot at the nation’s top cop. The short brief begins:

Following months of bruising criticism from Democrats and President Trump alike, an inconsolable Jeff Sessions was reportedly trying to commit suicide Thursday by smoking a joint. “I swore I’d never take the coward’s way out, but what choice do I have?” said a teary-eyed Sessions, carefully laying a sealed envelope containing his farewell note on a tool bench in his garage as he raised a lighter to the marijuana cigarette with trembling hands.

Accompanying the story is a doctored photo of a disconcerted Sessions about to spark up a joint in an undisclosed garage. This is not the first time the satirical “news” site has poked fun at Sessions’ antiquated position on cannabis.

Last year, in its regular man-on-the-street interview series called “American Voices,” it parodied Sessions’ suggestion to revive the D.A.R.E. program, a money-losing failure. The question and answer from a “random respondent”:

Q: Attorney General Jeff Sessions reportedly wants to revive the 1983 Drug Abuse Resistance Education program, although many studies have questioned its effectiveness. What do you think?

A: “A hip, charismatic rockstar like Jeff Sessions could be just the thing to get teens interested in anti-drug education again.”


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