Sex is normally associated with happy thoughts—some sort of pleasure and a good time—but sometimes things can get crazy and maybe even require medical attention.
While some sex-related injuries are understandable, like a rug burn, some of the following injuries will make you wonder about the meaning of life. They’re not okay.
What all of these injuries have in common is that they’re all embarrassing, a fact of that physicians are well aware. Men’s Health interviewed doctors and gathered the most embarrassing and shocking sex injuries.
Their answers will definitely shake you up, check out 5 of our favorites:
Genitals Burned Because Of Spicy Food
The title pretty much says it all. Gabe Wilson, M.D., from Texas, explains that he once treated a woman who had mild burns on her genitals because her partner had eaten spicy food right before giving her oral sex. Bad idea.
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Robert Hartman, MD, explained that a man came to the ER because he’d broken his penis while having sex with a prostitute. The man was accompanied by his wife, and originally claimed that his penis was broken because he’d run into a pole. That’s like saying that your dog ate your homework. No one believes it.
Oral Sex With Braces
A freshman from college showed up to the ER with a very swollen and painful looking penis. After much questioning and probing from the doctor, he finally admitted that he was receiving oral sex from a student with braces. From this information, the doctor concluded that the swelling on the penis was due to the abrasions made by the braces, which got infected because of the bacteria and the bits of food that seeped into the penis. Let’s just stop this story.
As ominous as that sounds, you’re still in for a wild and twisted ride so buckle up. Robert Hartman, poor guy, explains that once a 60-something-year-old patient visited him because his penis was stuck inside a ring. His wedding ring, to be precise: we don’t know how it made it in there and we don’t want to know.
The patient had been suffering from erectile dysfunction and turned to Google for aid, who suggested rings. Clearly, there was a generational gap here, because the man didn’t know that there are different rings for your penis and your fingers.
As we were trying to remove the ring with the tool, it would glow bright orange, like molten. It looked just like the Lord of the Rings ring…but on a penis. That day I learned that you can’t bend titanium, so we had to try all over again on the original cut we made.
Nightmares. Forever. Luckily, this story ends on a happy note. The man’s penis was saved and he now uses Viagra to treat his erectile dysfunction, like normal people from all over the world.