Tuesday, May 17, 2022
HomeDaily DelightPlease Bow Down To The Greatest iPhone Heist Of The Century

Please Bow Down To The Greatest iPhone Heist Of The Century

If you bought a girl in China an iPhone 7 recently, you might be a founding member of the Club for Men Who Just Got Played.

This tale of hustler divahood unfolded on a Chinese media blog, according to the BBC, which verified it all to be true. A person writing under the pseudonym ‘Proud Qiaoba’ on the blogging platform the Tian Ya Yi Du forum wrote about her colleague ‘Xiaoli.’ Our hero persuaded each of her 20 boyfriends to buy her an iPhone 7.

She then sold them all to a mobile phone recycling site for 120,000 Chinese yuan, equal to about $17,717 USD, and laughed all the way to a down payment on a house in the countryside. Hell yes.

Xiaoli “is not from a wealthy family,” Proud Qiaoba wrote. “Her mum is a housewife and her dad is a migrant worker, and she is the oldest daughter. Her parents are getting old and she might be under a lot pressure hoping to buy them a house… But it’s still unbelievable that she could use this method!”

Let’s break this story down, because there’s a lot going on here. First, we learn that Xiaoli had 20 guys on the side. All of the sides. She could play a game of D&D and have a dude’s name come up on every roll of the dice. Her dating life is a KFC bucket meal: So many sides. How does one even juggle that many romantic relationships? We need to see this girl’s text history. Does every one of her boos have a different emoji for every contact name, or do they all have elaborate nicknames? Her bedroom walls must look like she’s about to steal the Declaration of Independence. Just plotting schematics everywhere.

The organization skills needed here are on another level, but what about the manipulation necessary to convince that many boyfriends to buy her a phone? The iPhone 7 came out in mid-September. That gave her about a month to make all of this happen. This romantic heist is basically Ocean’s Eleven meets a gender-bent John Tucker Must Die. We don’t know what she did or said to them to convince them each to buy her a $700 phone, but we’d appreciate the notes.

Some readers of the blog share our admiration for this heist, writing that she has “a bright future.” Others called her “the most shameless person,” but you know what, shame is overrated and countryside property ain’t cheap.

[h/t BBC]

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