Monday, June 1, 2020
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This Guy Towing A Flaming Boat Down The Highway Is Our Summer 2017 Hero

In a fiery metaphor for the summer of 2017, an incredibly determined waterman was spotted towing his flaming boat down the highway. Just look at this:

“Maybe if I drive faster I’ll put the fire out.”

The brilliant fireball of watersport dreams took a trip down Miami-Dade highway, in an apparent effort to get it to a boat slip. It’s difficult to say what, exactly, the driver is thinking while he’s pulling a flaming boat on a busy road, but the internet attempted to solve the case.

What followed was an investigation the likes of which only Reddit could pull off. As the Miami New Times reports:

The only thing more astounding than the clip might be what happened next: A group of Redditors used Google Maps to pinpoint the location where the footage was taken. Naturally, it was Miami-Dade. The clip was filmed directly across the street from Jorge Mas Canosa Middle School on Newton Road in far Southwest Miami-Dade County.

Someone then cross-posted the clip on Reddit’s r/Miami thread, where local residents typically chat about South Florida politics and tips for apartment hunting. “Well, that looks familiar,” user MG87 wrote alongside the GIF. The Redditors then got to work: A user named “_Hi_Im_Paul” correctly ID’ed the intersection outside Mas Canosa Middle School, and then someone named “user0126” eventually posted the clip’s exact latitude and longitude.

Redditor ShadyInternets says their mom spotted the boat while it was still in the driveway, and that the owner hooked it up and drove it away on purpose, while it was on fire, and that they took it to a boat slip.

Without hearing from this mysterious hero himself, we may never know what motivated such an ambitious trip to the water. Anyway, Miami seems fun.

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