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TFT’s 5 Funniest Moments From Super Bowl Media Day

Brendan Bures
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TFT’s 5 Funniest Moments From Super Bowl Media Day

Super Bowl Media Day isn’t meant to produce answers, just responses. This truth was evident this year once again, as the game took a backseat to wild antics concocted by media and personalities alike.

Here are the five wackiest moments from Super Bowl Media Day.

Cooper Manning’s Money Suit

So while Peyton Manning is retired and his brother Eli was eliminated in the playoffs, it doesn’t mean a Manning brother wasn’t present this year. Introducing Cooper Manning, who works as an analyst for Fox Sports, the network broadcasting the game.

None of this explains why he’s wearing a suit made of money. But life’s greatest joys often don’t need explanation.

Reporters In Costume

We sort of get Cooper Manning’s money suit, or at least why he’d wear it. It’s fly, what more reason do you need? But nobody understands this moment, including the reporters wearing the costumes themselves. And who is interviewing who here? How did that man acquire the Burt Reynolds’ cowboy hat? And how can I buy one?

Fake Tom Brady

We know this was a stunt created by Bleacher Report during Tom Brady’s four-game suspension, but honestly, nope.

Just nope.

Welcome to Good Burger, Home of the Good Burger, May I Take Your Order?

Kel Mitchell, he of Keenan & Kel and All That fame, is a legend just for Pizzaface. Ed, who began as an All That character that spawned the Good Burger movie, made an appearance during the Super Bowl.

The explanation: Probably to promote his live action Nick show Game Shakers.

Guillermo Becomes Our Hero

Is this a sly joke by Guillermo that Super Bowl Media Day is basically one big joke and the answers these players relay are meaningless and might as well be fed into a turkey leg? Who knows. But Guillermo certainly wins the day for this one.

Young Boy Who Ate Gross Donut Will Get $50,000 From Dunkin Donuts

Taylor Berman
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Young Boy Who Ate Gross Donut Will Get $50,000 From Dunkin Donuts

Five and a half years ago, a 7-year-old boy ate a “foul-smelling” donut at a Dunkin Donuts in Fairmount, NY, and his family eventually filed a lawsuit. Earlier this month, the half-decade old dispute was finally settled when the insurance company for the restaurant agreed to pay the boy, now 12, $50,000.

Syracuse.com reports the cashier who sold the family a box of donuts admitted that they smelled rank, but by that time it was too late—the boy had already eaten one. A day later, the boy’s family said he began having facial and eye tics while visiting a state fair.

Doctors at a nearby hospital examined they boy, as did his pediatrician and a neurologist, and all said there was little evidence he would suffer any longterm damage because of one foul donut.

There were apparently other complaints about stinky donuts at the location, but by the time investigators arrived at the store all of the old donuts had been discarded and replaced by ones with no odd smells. The source of the stench remains a mystery.

Regardless, the suit went forward and was finally settled on January 12 when Travellers Insurance said it would pay $50,000, which will be given to the boy when he’s older.

Not a bad payout for eating a weird donut.

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Jogger Stopped At Microsoft After Cops Spot ‘Nude Buttocks Illuminated’

TFT Editors
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Jogger Stopped At Microsoft After Cops Spot ‘Nude Buttocks Illuminated’

Last Friday, police officers on Microsoft’s Redmond, Washington campus had to deal with an unusual incident: A man was spotted jogging at three in the morning wearing only a pair of black sketchers. Officers stopped the man after “seeing nude buttocks illuminated by a streetlight,” according to the police report.


Why would someone be out there doing something like that? Was it a prank for a fraternity? Some sort of new trendy and drunken exercise? Or someone who had simply lost their mind? As it turns out, it was actually just someone trying to prepare for the winter: The Seattle Times reports that the man told police “trying to build up his immune system to fight the cold weather.”

While he could’ve faced charges of indecent exposure, the man was let him go with a warning.

And the Redmond police seem to have a cheeky since of humor about the whole thing.

“We do not have pictures to share of this incident,” they said in a press release. “You are welcome.”

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Here’s A Marijuana Ad You Won’t See This Super Bowl Sunday

Al Olson
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Here’s A Marijuana Ad You Won’t See This Super Bowl Sunday

 

If you tune into the Super Bowl on Sunday, you’re sure to see commercials hawking beer, soda, junk food and lingerie among other consumer goods. What you won’t see? Ads for cannabis.

But it’s not for a lack of trying. Despite being legal in eight states — including Massachusetts, the home state of the favored New England Patriots — marijuana is still too controversial of a topic for mainstream advertising.

But just for the heck of it, let’s review a MarijuanaDoctors.com commercial submitted (and summarily rejected) for last year’s Super Bowl.

In this tongue-in-cheek, 60-second spot was produced in 2014 and the cannabis outfit tried and failed for a high-priced placement in 2016. The ad features a rather hackneyed analogy between buying illicit sushi and black-market weed.

It’s not just marijuana that got the heave-ho from the NFL. Vitamin and supplement retailer GNC planned a 30-second commercial that was rejected by the league because it sells products — synephrine (a stimulant) and DHEA (a steroid) — banned by the NFL. Marijuana is also on the banned substance list.

Over the years, Super Bowl advertising has become a huge revenue stream for TV networks. More than 100 million will watch the telecast. According to Ad Age, spending for commercials last year was roughly $380 million. The cost of a 30-second spot exceeds this year will run $5 million, more than twice the rate of 10 years ago.

Despite being denied pricy air time, the cannabis industry will be in force in Houston over the weekend. Doctors for Cannabis Regulation will have a presence in the Super Bowl city. In addition, the pro-cannabis group is running a national campaign to engage the NFL in hopes of changing the league’s cannabis policy.

The organization’s goal is clear:

In solidarity with many current and former NFL players, we recently submitted an Open Letter to the NFL. We recommend that the NFL and its Physicians Society:

  • treat cannabis like alcohol under the Policy
  • consider medical marijuana as an alternative to opioids for pain management
  • support promising research into potential neuroprotective effects of cannabinoids
  • play a leading role in addressing the overprescription of opioids across the league

The open letter is signed by a host of doctors, researchers and nine former NFL players.

For those of you who enjoy the ads more than the game, here is the list of commercials set for Sunday.

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How One Man’s Desire To Drink Beer For Charity Is Changing The World

Jacob Uitti
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How One Man’s Desire To Drink Beer For Charity Is Changing The World

What do you do if you a) love beer and b) feel you need to donate money to help the world?

Boston-based freelance writer Will Gordon recently decided to keep track of all the beer he drinks and donate a dollar for each to the ACLU, a nonprofit and nonpartisan legal advocacy program. That’s what we call a win-win. It’s like he’s tipping his bartender, but the bartender is also the ACLU!

The ACLU made headlines this week by leveraging a stay (yay, legal jargon!) on President Trump’s recent Muslim travel ban, rendering it dormant for now. The organization also received $24 million in donations in a recent weekend, six-tuppling (just go with it) their annual donations in mere days.

“I just had this general feeling of impotent rage,” said Gordon to Draft Magazine. “

I’m sitting watching people being detained at airports, and I’m drinking beer and reading Twitter and wondering if I can do anything. And as this was spinning in my head, the ACLU was actively doing something good.

And Gordon’s act has been picked up by others, including John Laffler, from Off Color Brewing.

And still more are getting involved. Folks from Lakefront Brewery in Milwaukee and Mystic Brewery in Massachusetts are pledging donations. And so has Todd Alstrom, founder of Beer Advocate, who announced they will donate $1 to the ACLU for every subscription or renewal.

“There’s a level of guilt associated with drinking beer while all this is going on, beer being such an optional luxury item,” Gordon said to Draft. “I’m certainly not going to stop drinking good beer, but maybe I can use it to mitigate my role in the end of the world.”

Cheers to that!

 

Field Goals: 7 Beers To Pair With Your Super Bowl Snacks

Jacob Uitti
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Field Goals: 7 Beers To Pair With Your Super Bowl Snacks

Sunday marks the 51st Super Bowl in American history. But the sneaky reality of this game, which is generally cheered on and loved by millions of people, is that this year the matchup is pretty boring. We are either going to see the New England Patriots, led by quarterback Tom Brady, win their fifth championship — YAWN! — or we are going to see a team from Atlanta without much star power win their first and likely their last.

Atlanta and New England don’t have a rivalry, or really anything else in common, which means we have to spice things up this year with our good friend BEER! That’s right. Time to pack the fridge, fill the coolers with ice and crack open a cold one this Sunday. Here are a seven choice picks that won’t sideline your snacks.

Nachos & Brown Ale

https://www.instagram.com/p/BN_l5uQhAyH/

If there’s a god, she gifted us nachos and brown ale for exactly this reason. The crunch of the tortilla chip paired with the oozy-salty cheese flavor is perfect for the medium-bodied brown ale with a kiss of malt finish. You might think nachos deserves a lighter beer (think: Corona) and that would be fine, but try pairing the world’s number one food with a brown ale (Newcastle) and you’ll know divinity.

Pizza & Saison

https://www.instagram.com/p/BK8ZlFPDs8C

I know what you’re thinking: Well, what the hell is a Saison? It’s basically a beer mutt, mostly like a pilsner or wheat beer in that it’s light, but its flavors are celestial and all over the map.

The style is named after the seasonal farm workers who made the stuff in their spare time. And while pizza’s flavors are big and bold, the Saison (Fremont Brewing’s Saison, perhaps?) will slip into the cracks and complement that melted mozzarella and pepperoni like a gentleman complimenting a first date’s attire.

Burgers & Sour Ale

https://www.instagram.com/p/BObzXxtgym4/

Sour Ales are the world’s first beer. All beer when the stuff was originally concocted was sour. And burgers are the world’s first hot lunch (probably). So they two go hand-in-hand. The pucker flavor of the sour balances the big, centered profile of the meaty burger and the light, crisp accompanying lettuce, tomato and onion (which should be on any and every burger) will dance in unison with the fruit notes of the sour (Duchesse De Bourgogne, perhaps?).

Doughnuts & Pilsner

https://www.instagram.com/p/BPcMafjj5Tp

Not all Super Bowl foods have to be savory. Some love the glazed and sweet. But it’s easy to over do it on the doughnuts or cake side. If you didn’t think about calories, it would be easy to down a dozen doughnuts. So, in that case, let’s keep things light on the brew side. Crack open your favorite light beer (Rolling Rock, perhaps?) and sip along with your sweet tooth.

French Onion Soup & Stout

https://www.instagram.com/p/BJZiOy4DvIr

An off the beaten path snack, but one many love. The best part of French onion soup is that layer of stinky cheese baked over the top of the bowl, which, when peeled back, exposes the dark broth. It’s like an antidote to winter in a soup bowl. And what other antidote is out there? That’s right! Dark beer – or, more specifically, a stout (Guinness works, or if you want something heavier, try Old Rasputin Imperial Stout). Yum!

Cheese and Crackers & IPA

https://www.instagram.com/p/BKbxhGtjB3w

Maybe the best beer and food pairing for a party. Everyone loves cheese and crackers and most everyone also loves IPA’s. The bitter, floral quality of a good IPA (Redhook’s, perhaps?) jumps, swirls and dives when paired with a nice blue cheese or smoked gouda. You can thank us later.

Chicken Wings & Amber Ale

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMJ3iVgjWg7

No Super Bowl party is complete without chicken wings. But wings can be served in any number of ways: dry rubbed, sweet and sour, BBQ, hot and spicy, dipped in ranch, salt and pepper. We could go on and on. So pair them with a beer that’s versatile and in the middle of the road (like Stone’s Arrogant Bastard). No need to tamp down the versatility of wings with a beer that won’t compromise!

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4 Largest U.S. Banks Now Hosting Accounts For Marijuana Businesses

MJ News Network
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4 Largest U.S. Banks Now Hosting Accounts For Marijuana Businesses

A study commissioned by industry journal American Banker reveals that the nation’s four largest banks have opened accounts for cannabis shops and marijuana businesses.

Conducted by MRB Monitor, a firm that helps financial institutions identify the risks associated with the marijuana industry, the study examined public records in the state of Massachusetts and found that 34 percent of businesses that filed to operate medical marijuana dispensaries in Massachusetts between June 2015 and September 2016 had one or more accounts at Bank of America, Citigroup, Wells Fargo, or JPMorgan Chase.

If a similar pattern of working with the marijuana industry takes hold in Washington D.C. and the U.S. states that have legalized marijuana, the prospect of financial services for cannabis outfits may not be as dire as it at first appears.

Bank of America seems to have been the most accommodating. Over half of the marijuana businesses included in the survey had accounts at the bank, though it previously told the Statesman Journal that, “As a federally regulated financial institution, we abide by federal law and do not bank marijuana-related businesses.”

Guidelines issued by federal authorities in 2014 appeared to have offered financial institutions a legal avenue to provide their services to marijuana-related businesses (MRBs). Back then, the Financial Crimes Enforcement Network (FinCEN), part of the U.S. Treasury Department, provided guidance it said was meant to enhance the availability of financial services for, and the financial transparency of, marijuana-related businesses.

Yet, under the Controlled Substances Act (CSA), it is illegal to manufacture, distribute, or dispense marijuana, and marijuana – like heroin, LSD and ecstasy – remains a Schedule 1 substance under the statute.

In December 2016, U.S. Senator Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass, a member of the Senate Banking Committee, along with nine other senators sent a letter to FinCEN requesting guidance on how banking services might be offered to ‘indirect businesses’ that provide services to the state-sanctioned marijuana industry.

Hopefully, after nomination season comes to a close, a response to that letter will be forthcoming; there’s a lot at stake. As ArcView Market Research wrote, “Cannabis is arguably the fastest growing industry in the world. Regulated marijuana sales in North America totaled $6.9 billion in 2016, a 30 percent increase from 2015. Sales are projected to increase to $21.6 billion by the year 2021 representing a 26 percent compound annual growth rate.”

For more cannabis business coverage, visit the MJ News Network. 

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Advocates Use Super Bowl To Push Medical Marijuana For NFL

Mike Adams
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Advocates Use Super Bowl To Push Medical Marijuana For NFL

Medical marijuana advocates are taking full advantage of the upcoming Super Bowl LI in hopes of persuading the National Football League (NFL) to loosen its anti-drug policy as it pertains to cannabis medicine.

Earlier this week, a group of physicians known as “Doctors For Cannabis Regulation” gathered at the Revention Music Center in Houston, Texas to present evidence on how marijuana can be used as an effective pain management tool. The event also featured keynote speeches from NFL stars, including former Chicago Bears quarterback Jim McMahon and former New Orleans Saints offensive tackle Kyle Turley, who credit medical marijuana for helping kick opioid addiction and treat chronic pain.

“Cannabis is not a cure-all for severe pain and all these real bad, horrific injuries, but you can deal with it better and you don’t get addicted, and you can walk away from this, like walking away from drinking coffee or Coke, or even pizza,” Turley explained. “It just takes some willpower. I know what it’s like to come off heavy prescription medication. That was not fun.”

As it stands, any NFL player who tests positive for marijuana is subject to stiff penalties, which can include a fine, multiple game suspensions and even termination from the league.

In 2014, the NFL agreed to a minor change to its marijuana policy. The THC threshold for players was raised from 15 nanograms per milliliter of blood to 35 nanograms.

Last week, the NFL Players Association (NFLPA) announced that it was on the verge of submitting a proposal aimed at taking a “less punitive” approach to dealing with players who use marijuana. Although the details of the proposal have not yet been revealed, the union board’s executive director, DeMaurice Smith, said he is “convinced that we should be looking at it a little bit more of the way that we looked at it in 2014.”

In the past, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has been apprehensive to make significant changes to the league’s anti-marijuana rule, but he recently signaled that additional amendments to the league’s drug policy might be on the horizon.

“We certainly haven’t seen [the NFLPA’s proposal] or read it. I’ve spoken to (Smith) about it,” he said. “But I think what it’s signaling from our standpoint is that the labor agreement we have has worked incredibly well for the players, for our clubs and for I think the game, in general. It’s encouraged investment. We see the salary cap, which may be projected to increase by $15 million a club. In the last four years alone, the salary cap has jumped almost $1.7 billion including benefits. That’s extraordinary and historically has never come close to being achieved before.

“So what we have is a labor agreement that’s working well for all parties, but we sent the union last spring a list of issues that we wanted to address as the league and as ownership. I expect, and we put on that list, the drug policy as one of those issues,” he added.

But while it is possible the NFL could see a reduction in pot penalties and perhaps even another increase in its THC threshold, it is highly doubtful the league will allow players to use medical marijuana anytime soon – at least not until the federal government decides to downgrade the herb’s Schedule I classification or end prohibition altogether.

Incidentally, a recent ESPN poll that 71 percent of the players in the NFL believe marijuana should be made legal all across the nation.

Craft Brewer Hopes Hops and Hemp Will Head To High Sales

Al Olson
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Craft Brewer Hopes Hops and Hemp Will Head To High Sales

Sipp Industries has entered into a distribution agreement with Colorado Craft Distributors for the release of a hemp-infused beer throughout the Denver area.

Major Hemp, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Sipps, in partnership with Denver’s Sleeping Giant Brewing, completed production of the initial 50 barrels, which yielded nearly 100 kegs of premium brown ale formulated with quality hemp-seed powder.

The initial strategy is to supply Denver’s more highly populated and affluent establishments with inventory to gauge consumer response before determining a strategy for wider distribution.

“Our approach involves delivery into primarily the local target market, with a focus on thriving areas, where there is a high concentration of bars and pubs that have a relatively progressive crowd, patrons interested in innovative and emerging trends,” stated Ted Jorgensen, President of Major Hemp. “Then, based on the level of success determined, we can move forward with a much larger brew in preparation for expanded distribution and the possibility of bottling and canning.”

“Major Hemp Brown Ale” was skillfully brewed by contracted Sleeping Giant Brewing, a distinguished beerhouse that brews for over 15 companies inside and outside of Colorado. By aligning with Sleeping Giant, Sipp Industries has control and own all legal rights and intellectual property to the hemp beer recipe. Because Sleeping Giant does not brew its own beer, the potential for any conflicts of interest with ownership and intellectual property does not exist.

As the proprietary ale hits the Denver craft brewery scene, management anticipates a highly favorable outcome. In light of its successful unveiling at previous 4/20 event, having already received such favorable reviews for its appealing color and authentic taste, pre-production interest has remained relatively high.

Working with proprietary water-soluble hemp powder, Jorgensen and Osterman determined that the Brown Ale style of craft beer blends best with hemp powder. This infusion provides a smooth refreshing taste while enhancing the beer with the numerous healthy attributes of hemp.

For more cannabis business coverage, visit the MJ News Network.

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Man Who Claims To Have 19-Inch Penis: “I Want to Be a Porn Star”

Anthony Washington
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Man Who Claims To Have 19-Inch Penis: “I Want to Be a Porn Star”

While its tremendous size and odd shape prevents him from having sex or doing really any sort of regular physical activity, the man who says he has the largest dick in the world claims he’s happy with it and someday hopes to become a porn star.

“I am happy with my penis, I know nobody has the size I have,” Roberto Esquivel Cabrera told Bancroft Media earlier this year. “I would like to be in the Guinness Book of Records but they don’t recognise this record.”

Doctors have urged him to have penile-reduction surgery so he could have sex and live a more normal life but he’s so far rejected their advice because, as one doctor put it, “he’d rather have a penis bigger than the rest of the people.”

One doctor even suggested that Cabrera has artificially enhanced his dick’s size. “He began with this enlargement since he was a teenager, wrapping some bands around his penis with some weights and trying to stretch it,” Dr. Jesus David Salazar Gonzalez told the Mirror UK.

The giant penis, the Mirror notes, cause all sorts of health problems including frequent urinary tract infections, chafing, and an inability to sleep unless he has a pillow to rest his penis on.

“I cannot wear a uniform like anybody in the companies and also I cannot get on my knees, he added. “I cannot run fast and so the companies think badly of me. They say that they will call me, but they never do.”

He also can’t have sex because of his penis’s girth.

So why would he want to keep it?

“I am happy with my penis and I wish to go back to the USA and spend the rest of my life over there,” he said. “I would like to be a porn star and I think I would make a lot of money over there.”

He added: “I don’t feel sad because I know in the USA there is a lot of women. One of them will be the right size for me.”

Maybe the American dream isn’t dead after all.

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