Come with us on a journey with an Everyman on the edge of greatness. He’s in line at PNC Park in Pittsburgh. He’s wearing a perfectly crisp white t-shirt. He pays too much money for a massive plate of stadium nachos. And then.
Today’s the day I catch a ball, he says to himself. He was almost correct. This would be the day he became Internet Famous for catching something else.
Pirates’ infielder Jung Ho Kang chips a foul ball, and Nacho Man sees his chance. His left hand shoots straight up, grasping ineffectually at the air as the ball soars way, way over his head. Meanwhile, his right hand puts the nachos straight into his own face.
In slow motion, the reactions of his fellow fans play out in Shakespearean tragedy: Forearms rise to block the debris, chins retreat into necks, little girls peer from behind rotund fathers to gawk at the poor schmuck. Our boy’s Miller Lite flies from its spot in the crook of his elbow like it’s diving to get out of the way, too. The hot cheese mixture cascades down his shirt.
https://vine.co/v/5bdJuL2I9O7
He did it to himself, indeed.
“I had a beer and some nachos and was ready to take my seat. The next thing I know the ball was right above my head and I did whatever I could to try and bring it in,” he said a Fan Morning Show interview, Pittsburgh’s CBS local reports. For his valiant efforts, the Pirates awarded Nacho Man a clean shirt and an emoji thumbs-up on Twitter.
Some Boston-area CNN viewers who managed not to eat and drink themselves to sleep by 10 p.m. were reportedly treated to a special surprise Thanksgiving night: 30 minutes of hardcore pornography. NSFW screenshots from the purported porn airing are below.
Twitter user @solikearose claims she tried to watch a marathon of Antony Bourdain’s Parts Unknown that aired at 10 pm (she appears to be watching it via DVR based on the screenshots in her tweets) and instead found herself looking at the now well-known private parts of porn stars.
The Next Web reports that RCN, a local television provider based in New Jersey, is likely responsible for the mix-up. Apparently, CNN sent the correct video feed but someone at RCN hit the wrong button, sending pornography into an unknown number of households in the Boston area. Since @solikearose appears to have recorded the show and watched it about an hour later, it also seems possible her TiVo somehow recorded one of the porn channels instead.
RCB hasn’t offered an explanation or apology as of this writing, but someone from their Twitter account did tell @solikearose that they hadn’t received any complaints from other customers.
Later, @solikearose said a representative from RCN told her that everything was “working perfectly” last night when Bourdain’s explorations were reportedly interrupted by hardcore porn.
@SoLikeARose has since made her account private, so perhaps it was all a very good hoax or maybe RCN goons got to her. If you were one of the other households affected, let us know at: taylor@thefreshtoast.com.
“This has come out of nowhere for us, and it’s funny to my family,” her grandson Brandon Burgoyne told the Republic.
Ten days ago, Wanda Dench texted her grandson to remind him about the Thanksgiving dinner she was hosting. The only problem was Dench’s grandson changed his phone number last May, so the text went to 17-year-old Jamal Hinston instead. Hinston was understandably confused and tickled by the initial text exchange, a screenshot of which his posted to Twitter.
The tweet went viral and has since been retweeted over 210,000 times.
“I thought it was very odd that my grandson would ask for a picture of me,” Dench said later. “I was so embarrassed…so I said, ‘Sure, come on over. Grandmothers feed all.’ And he took me up on my offer.’”
Yesterday afternoon, the Arizona Republicreports Hinston made good on his promise and stopped by Dench’s Thanksgiving dinner, though he forgot the pumpkin pie he’d said he’d bring.
“We’ve got plenty,” Densch told him when he arrived. “Let’s got in and take a look at the turkeys.”
“Everybody seems so nice and sweet,” Hinston told a reporter who stopped by the dinner. “I’m happy to be here. I never met her before…and she welcomed me into her house, so that shows me how great of a person she is.
The only downside to the feel-good story? Hinston forgot to blur out Densch’s phone number in his initial tweet, so she received over 600 texts, many of which were from people asking if they too could join her for Thanksgiving dinner. Not that there were any hard feelings.
“This has come out of nowhere for us, and it’s funny to my family,” her grandson Brandon Burgoyne told the Republic.
We all have that friend who loves living on the edge and whose health and safety is a constant concern.
Since we’re approaching holiday season, we’d thought it’d be great to supply you with a list of gifts for that friend who really earns their health insurance. Who knows, maybe you’ll find something here that you love and want to get for yourself. Just have health insurance.
Don’t let the giant turbines scare you away, this gift is the ultimate treat for thrill seekers and hammock lovers. Pay no mind to all of those warnings against drones and the scary internet videos depicting accidents due to their sneaky little engines.
The girl in the bike had the right idea; stay away from the rotor blades!!!
Roller Buggy
Does your friend have kids? This stroller/scooter allows them to have their fun and also spend some quality time with their child.
There’s no way something could go wrong with this, right?
Wearable Sleeping Bag
Why waste time changing into clothes when you’re camping? Wouldn’t it be easier if you were just able to wear your sleeping bag?
SelkBag has got you covered, with multiple features and removable parts so that you don’t have to worry about the extra stuff when you go camping. Like clothes.
A total game changer.
Foot Powered Bike
Because pedaling just isn’t fun enough, the Fliz Bike has removed those pesky little things and added nothing. So your feet are now the pedals.
We don’t know how fast the bike goes but it’ll definitely help in burning more calories.
Work baby!
Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit
If watching “The Walking Dead” isn’t enough for your thrill seeking friend, you can always bring the apocalypse to them. You can gift them with all the necessities in one nifty kit that includes various things, from night vision goggles, to KEVLAR gloves, to really cool looking knives.
If you’re among the lucky ones who doesn’t have a retail or service industry job demanding you run crowd control on a nightmare shopping day, you probably have Black Friday off. That’s pure bliss — unless all of your friends are working, or are part of the hoards of holiday shoppers.
In the spirit of turning your apartment into a bunker to avoid the outside world for the day after Thanksgiving, we’ve got you. Here are a few ideas for how to spend the day.
You’re full to the brim from the Thanksgiving feast and ended up with quite a few Danksgiving leftovers, edible and otherwise. What better time to start experimenting with wacky food combinations than when you have a fridge full of mix-and-match options at your disposal?
Get Steamy In Bed
While everyone’s out hitting the mall at the crack of dawn, enjoy the peace of a quiet apartment and get re-acquainted with your sweetie or most recent cuffing season buddy. Check out our guide for inspiration: “15 Super-Hot Sex Ideas To Celebrate Marijuana Legalization.”
Now that recreational marijuana is legal in several states, it’s likely that yours is either one of them, or soon to follow suit. Whether you’ve never partaken, it’s been a while, or you’re just in need of a refresher, there’s much to learn. Start reading up on the laws, etiquette, and what’s right for your personal needs in the Fresh Toast HighWay section. You’ve got a whole, peaceful day off to do it.
Make a game plan
Now that you know what kind of high you’re seeking or what’ll heal what ails ya, head to the Fresh Toast directory of retailers and dispensaries near you. One or two might even be offering special deals on this Black Friday. Or do it tomorrow. It’s Friday, after all.
Black Friday. It’s a day of dread for many. For others, it’s a definitive signal that Santa Clause is already greasing the steel struts on his sleigh. It’s gift giving time, and for that special person in your life who is a beer geek, we have some ideas.
Often it can be hard to know what to get your partner, friend or parent. Many of us are so lucky that we have all, or most, of the things we need. And spending money at that trendy sock store downtown just doesn’t seem right. So, what could prove worthwhile? How about some items that will be conducive to an experience, an event, a night together around a table, sipping suds and telling secrets into the late winter night?
Tavour
When I was in college, all I wanted was someone to deliver me crappy cheap beer so I wouldn’t have to leave my apartment and go into the cold and pick out a six-pack to drink while studying Socrates. That beer delivery, for me, never came. But now, it exists!
Tavour is a Seattle-based company that delivers hand-picked artisan craft beer to your door. The service, which stocks about ten mind-blowing options at any given time, can be accessed by going to their web site or downloading their app. And it serves it’s home state of Washington as well as twelve other states from California to New York.
For a gift, we recommend setting up an account and having the beer delivered to your loved one. Pick from barley wines, imperial IPA’s, saisons, Christmas ales and hopped reds. Surprise someone who loves beer with options they’d never be able to get from bottle shops where they live. Want an imperial stout from California but live in Denver? Tavour has you covered.
Glassware From True Beer
You ever come out of the kitchen holding two ‘glasses’ of champagne poured into blue plastic Solo cups? Yeah, that feeling sucks. And it’s the same thing when you are trying to impress someone and you’re holding a beer poured into water glass.
But avid beer drinkers can avoid this altogether with a few nifty pick-ups from TrueBeer. It’s a little known fact that some beers require certain glasses. Lambics drink well in tall flutes to keep the flavor; Trappists prefer squat, wide glasses so that they can breathe; and some pale ales just look damn cool out of a mason jar.
You can now get all of these varieties and more with the simple click of a button, plus have them shipped to your — or your loved one’s — door for the holidays. *Clink, cheers!*
The Brewer’s Tale
Part of appeal of being an avid beer drinker is learning about the history of the concoction. How did beer sustain early people? How did the brewing process grow from simple beer to nuanced saisons? In The Brewer’s Tale, readers can find all about it.
Author William Bostwick goes through a number of origin stories for different brewer types: from monks to farmers to the early days when women ruled the beer industry from their kitchens. The book is a fantastic pastiche of brewers and brewing history and should be given to any beer-interested scholar.
Virtually every Black Friday shopping experience involves long waits, petulant conversations, and general fatigue. It is not an easy day to shop. But you ain’t getting that TV deal any other time, so embrace the capitalistic onslaught of terror that is Black Friday.
To do that, music might help. Most stores play either staid, diluted top 40 records or dull, bloated ambiance. These will serve you little to keep your call and spirits high throughout the day. That’s why we’ve provided these 10 records sure to provide a needed soundtrack boost on your Black Friday 2016.
Childish Gambino—“Sober”
The recent and exciting turn Childish Gambino made into funk and soul had its inception here. This tropical pop hit and the rest of his Kauai EP will sprinkle some much-needed sunniness into your day.
Brian Eno—Ambient 1: Music for Airports
Perhaps the best ambient album ever produced, Brian Eno’s classic will lift you above all the pettiness and sweatiness and ugliness surrounding you on Black Friday.
Isaiah Rashad—“Free Lunch”
TDE rapper Isaiah Rashad creates vibes raps. His tracks either playfully bounce, like this one, or slow roll, allowing their word clouds to loll. Cilvia Demo and The Sun’s Tirade will package clever and refreshing wordplay with those textures.
Beyoncé—“Sorry”
Because it’s Beyoncé but also because you’ll encounter at least three to four experiences while out where phrases like “Middle fingers up” and “Boy, bye” will prove absolutely vital.
Francis and the Lights feat. Bon Iver—“Friends”
When you inevitably receive your third or fourth stink eye of the day from a cashier or irate shopper, smile and sing along with Francis: “We could be friends.” Yes you’re allowed to add some sarcasm if you want.
A Tribe Called Quest—“Electric Relaxation”
Classic Tribe is a no-brainer. Those guitar licks alone will mellow you out. Also can’t wrong by just spinning the new album, We Got It From Here… Thank You 4 Your Service. “Movin Backwards” is a personal favorite.
Motion City Soundtrack—“Everything Is Alright”
Don’t overthink this one. We all could use some commiseration on a day like Black Friday. This is for between shops when you’re feeling run down and worn out. You’ll appreciate this one.
SZA feat. Chance the Rapper—“Child’s Play”
Much of SZA’s debut album Z wraps you and your anxious thoughts into a warm quilt. SZA fluctuates from soothing whispers to emotional croons, not so much to say everything’s okay, but that you’re allowed to feel this way. Listening will save you an emotional breakdown or two during the day.
Kendrick Lamar and J. Cole—“Black Friday”
Kendrick and Cole lit the internet on fire by dropping this on Black Friday last year, fueling long-circulating rumors the two would release a collaborative album. I remember rewinding these tracks multiple times as I laid on the beach, oblivious to the sun setting and families roaming the sands. Let’s hope another surprise waits this year.
People lining up outside stores at the crack of dawn the morning after Thanksgiving so they can fall further into debt buying heavily discounted items for their families is now a beloved American tradition known as Black Friday. Each year, millions of shoppers flock to big box retailers like Walmart and Target for deals that often involve items available only in limited quantities, which of course means that some of those millions of people come to blows over who gets what. Below are some of the better videos of people duking it out for cheap smart phones, TVs, computer monitors, and more.
Here’s a compilation from 2014, which among other things shows people really battling it out over a limited-number of big screen televisions.
Watch a six-minute compilation from 2015 that opens with an all-out brawl and ends with hundreds of people literally stampeding into a store as its security gates open. In between, people angrily grapple over computer monitors and TVs as onlookers shout “World Star!” Fun!
And here’s a relatively-mild one from 2010 that shows just how many people are willing to stand outside a Target at 4 am.
Complex compiled ten of the “best” Black Friday incidents from last year, including a condescending Santa with a megaphone and two women punching each other over who gets to buy a $30 bicycle for children.
And finally, here’s a seven minutes “supercut” of Black Friday chaos from 2013, which includes a brutal fight in a parking lot and another during which someone is tackled through a door.
If you’ve been to Chipotle recently, you’ve likely spotted the sign for their “featured item:” A chorizo burrito. The photo drips pork sausage and white rice and black beans, shown oozing from an overstuffed flour tortilla. Under the tempting image the sign boasts, “300 CALORIES.”
No, you haven’t entered a fever dream state where burritos full of greasy pig and simple carbs don’t make you fat. This creation is literally impossible under one thousand calories, and a few LA dudes are attempting to see this false advertising through to justice.
David Desmond, filed a complaint this week in the Los Angeles County Superior Court, according to LAist, claiming that he “felt excessively full and realized that the burrito couldn’t have been just 300 calories,” after eating the entire thing. He soon found solidarity in the suffering of others. From LAist:
Edward Gurevich purchased an uncannily similar burrito at a Chipotle location in Burbank, he too was alarmed at the burrito’s apparent size. Though he was also under the impression he burrito he purchased contained only 300 calories, the burrito he ultimately consumed likely contained three to four times that value. The same thing happened to Young Hoon Kim, who also claims he felt bloated after he consumed a purportedly 300 calorie burrito at a Chipotle location inside the Century City Westfield mall.
If you’re feeling victimized, there’s hope for your food baby woes: They’re claiming this could be grounds for a class action lawsuit, on behalf of everyone who’s eaten at Chipotle in the past four years.
Crunching the numbers in Chipotle’s own nutrition calculator, busts 300 calories before even adding anything to that parachute-sized tortilla. Stuffing in all of the ingredients listed on that ad — chorizo, white rice, black beans, fresh tomato salsa, a “sprinkle” of cheese — tips the scale at around 1025 calories, 315 of which come from fat. Maybe that’s what the sign means? Calories from fat? Sure, why not. But you’re also getting 2690 milligrams of sodium, about 390 milligrams more than the max amount the FDA recommends for adults.
For some fast food perspective, a Big Mac is about half as bad for you, and treating an entire medium cheese pizza from Domino’s as a personal pie would only be a little bit worse. Do what you will with that information.
