Gilberto “Cannibal Cop” Valle, the former NYPD officer who was once convicted of planning to cook and eat his wife, says dozens of women have reached out to him in the two years since he was released from prison.
Valle told the New York Post the women contact him on social media. “They would say things like, ‘I’m really happy you prevailed’ and ‘Hope you’re doing well,’ ” he said. “Many reached out because they are interested in my case. I started chatting more with a few of them and eventually asked some on dates.”
One of those dates happened last month. Valle took the woman—identified as a “twentysomething Brooklyn gal”—to the top of the Empire State Building and for a nice Chinese dinner near Wall Street. The Post notes that he “had the Grand Marnier shrimp and she ordered the eggplant.”
“We definitely hit it off,” Valle said. “Everything is already out there for people to see, so I have no problem answering questions honestly. I like meeting women who already know everything about me, so I don’t have to suddenly drop this bomb on them.”
The bomb, of course, is Valle’s 2013 conviction for planning to kill and eat dozens of women. The conviction was later overturned when a judge ruled that the plans were little more than“fantasy role-play,” but by then the lurid details of Valle’s case had become a mainstay in New York tabloids.
“I was thinking of tying her body onto some kind of apparatus …cook her over a low heat, keep her alive as long as possible,” he wrote in one instant message to a fellow cannibal fetishist.
But everyone deserves a second shot and a chance at love, so good for Valle for getting back out there. It’s also encouraging to learn that Match.com–where Valle reportedly shared his profile in 2015, saying he was looking for someone “a little kinky ;)”–works for even those accused of cannibalism.
Never has there been such a national beverage obsession since the Pumpkin Spice Latte.
The spike in popularity of La Croix (rhymes with boy) is monumental. Currently the best selling brand of sparkling water in the country, La Croix contains zero calories, sugar or sodium, making it an attractive, cheaper alternative for diet cola drinkers, as well as health conscious consumers. And also, people who like to take pictures of things and post them online. The brand has been around for more than 30 years (30 years!!), but according to the Wall Street Journal, La Croix sales have doubled in just the past two.
Why the sudden jump in demand? For one, La Croix has done a great job promoting itself, creating a hashtag for people to #LiveLaCroix and tell about it. They also debuted a line of pretentious flavors social media-bait, like pomme-bayá (apple-berry), cerise limón (cherry lime), piña fraise (pineapple strawberry), melón pomelo (grapefruit melon) and the most popular, pamplemousse (grapefruit), which has its own Instagram and Facebook accounts.
Consumers are now photographing themselves drinking their favorite flavor of La Croix (or at the very least, holding a can), documenting their turgid fridge, overflowing with shiny new cans, and their bloated recycle bins after a La Croix binge. The brand has become a status symbol for the aesthete; La Croix is the new food porn.
With 20 flavors and snazzy generic (vintage!) packaging, people are going nuts for this stuff. Here’s a tiny sample of the insanity. How many of these tweets can you relate to? #allofthem #dontlie #nojudgment
The Bloody Mary has sustained some unspeakable atrocities over the past few years. What used to be a demure cocktail made with simple ingredients has morphed into the Island of Misfit Toys. Outlandish garnishes, questionable spirits and unnecessary accoutrement have created an untenable circumstance. Instead of the bygone simplicity of vodka, tomato juice, celery, horseradish and lemon juice, this brunch staple is often unrecognizable, depending on what new garish outfit the bartender du jour has decided to dress it up in. Here are the 7 unforgivable sins against the Bloody Mary which should stop.
1) Cheap wine Replacing vodka with shiraz and adding barbecue sauce and a bacon garnish. Really? There are so many things wrong with this recipe from Barefoot wine that we’re inclined to believe this was intended to be a steak rub.
2) Fruit juice If Hoda and Kathy Lee, the canaries of the booze industry, won’t drink a strawberry Bloody Mary…
3) Gazpacho Many recipes describe the Bloody Mary as the cocktail version of “vegetable soup,” which is complete trash. Bloody Marys may capture the spirit of soup, mainly with its chilled vegetable garnishes and tomato base, but it shouldn’t create confusion as to how one is supposed to consume it. “Do you drink it or eat it?” should be one of those phrases that never needs to be uttered. This recipe from The Daily Meal is basically a chunky “twist” on the Bloody Mary that requires imbibers to put their gag reflexes aside while trying to knock back this garden variety version of the cocktail.
4) Meat We get it. Bloody Marys are meal-like. What they are not is plateware for your actual meal.
5) Raw fish Adding poke — or anything in the raw fish family, for that matter — to a drink is unconscionable, regardless of current obsessions. This recipe from the Huffington Post suggests adding raw ahi tuna to the classic drink. “You can serve the Poke Bloody Mary with poke on the side…or you can drop the cubed fish into the drink for a refreshing splash of cooled ahi.” A “refreshing splash” is what that fish used to enjoy before it was killed.
6) Late Night Hosts People do not belong in Bloody Marys. No matter how many stalks of celery they have velcroed to themselves.
7) Eyeballs This goes without saying, but eyeballs of any kind do not belong in Bloody Marys. Not even eyeball shaped ice cubes. In 2001, the LA Timeswrote about the Mongolian Mary, which contains a floater of pickled sheep’s eye, a popular hangover cure in the country for which it’s named. The sentiment was echoed in 2015: “Many traditional cultures and their medicine men– including Native Americans– believe that eating the organs from a healthy animal supports the organs of the eater.” Entrails will always trump hangovers in the “absolutely not” department.
Tiffany and I decided to see the Seattle-Tacoma area at its best, so September takes us to the Evergreen State. Most of the tourists are gone and the weather is perfect. Who are the ding-a-lings claim it is always gray and rainy here?
An added bonus: Weed is fully legal here in Washington! We love this state.
We discovered an amazing RV park about an hour east of Tacoma surrounded by trees and along a river, soaking in the natural beauty of the Washington for a day. We hiked in the morning, leaving Tiffany ready for a relaxing afternoon lazing by the river. On the trail, we bumped into Angela.
Photo courtesy of The Gallery
Angela greeted us with a warm smile and some sage advice about the bear alerts in the area. We told her about our RV tour of the country and she loved hearing about our adventures. She told us about her job as a budtender at The Gallery, an upscale marijuana store in Tacoma.
We promised to visit the following day, a Friday. This town on a Friday during the NFL season is a trip. Every other person I saw seemed to be wearing a Seahawks jersey or hat or T-shirt. They call it Blue Friday here and everybody is into it. So fun.
Angela, who is a die-hard Seahawks fan, greeted us at the counter at The Gallery She asked how are legs felt after our strenuous hike the day before. I think she saw me limping a little as I walked to the counter.
Tiffany and I admitted that the hike may have got the best of us and our legs were a bit tired and sore. We asked Angela for something that would ease our muscle pain, make us smile and help us get a good night’s sleep. Angela recommended a few grams of Liberty Haze, a strain from The Virginia Company. She told us that the strain would relax our muscles. Perfect.
We took the buds back to our RV later that night and wow! The flavor was amazing and the effect was long lasting. We felt totally relaxed and chill the entire evening. Our aches melted away and we both slept for hours listening to the river flow by us.
Angela’s recommendation was perfect for us. Give her a try.
Visit The Gallery:
The Gallery has two locations in the South Sound area:
13005 Pacific Ave S.
Tacoma, WA 98444
Telephone: 253.531.4000
21802 Mountain Highway E.
Spanaway, WA 98387
Telephone: 253.375.7840
Hours for both locations:
Mon – Sat: 8:3o am to 11:30 pm
Sun.: 9 am to 10 pm
Photo courtesy of The Gallery
About the series
Walter & Tiffany are a fictional couple traveling the United States in search of adventure, good food, cocktails – and legal marijuana. Each episode, we will feature a budtender at a retail marijuana store. Follow the series.
I watch CEOs, acrobats, and tech moguls all do the same thing– cover their faces in shaving cream while people cheer and throw cheese puffs at them. Half of the people in the audience are wearing tutus. Everyone is wearing face paint. And no one is Instagramming the experience.
Photo by Gabe Walker courtesy of Camp Grounded
This is Camp Grounded in a nutshell. I first go to camp in June, at their session in Cold Spring, New York. At this point, all I know is that it provides a detox from adult life– no talk about work or age, no electronics, and nicknames are used instead of real names. What I didn’t realize was that Camp Grounded would change my life.
Photo by Daniel Johnson courtesy of Camp Grounded
A month later, I’m driving 12 hours across the country to volunteer at my second camp in North Carolina.
***
People ask me why I want to go to camp. At first, they think that it’s a sex thing– you know, “adult” summer camp. Others assume that I’m volunteering with kids. When they realize that Camp Grounded is a bunch of grown-ups who are without their phones, without their computers, and they’re sober, they can’t believe it. I’ve had more than one person say to me, “How did you make it out alive?” These are the people who need camp the most.
As the week progresses in North Carolina, I hear campers say things like, “That’s the first time I’ve danced without drinking in years!” and “I just told someone that they’re cute. And I’m sober. I feel like I’m twelve!” As I listen, I realize how alcohol is essentially a tool to get adults out of their comfort zone. Dancing? Drink. Going on a date? Drink. Doing a thing that makes you nervous? Definitely drink. But at camp, since you’re sober, you’re left feeling scared and awkward. In camp lingo, we call this being vulnerageous– vulnerable and courageous.
Photo by Daniel Johnson courtesy of Camp Grounded
Camp has all of its rules, from no tech to no work talk, because it puts everyone on an equal playing field. I have no idea who anyone is outside of camp– and that’s great. Since I can’t label them as a CEO or a waiter, I have to get to know them in the moment. Before camp (BC), if I met someone at a party, my first question would be: “What do you do?” Now, I ask: “What makes you excited?” The answer to this question is always more interesting.
As I help with check-in at North Carolina, I notice one man who seems a little uncomfortable. So, I approach him and start a conversation. I quickly learn that he didn’t expect Camp Grounded to have such a spiritual element. I understand. Within the first ten minutes, the camp director has already told everyone to do eye-gazing– you know, when you stare into a stranger’s eyes for a full minute. It’s intimidating. And you probably didn’t do that at camp as a kid. (If you did, I want to know where you went.)
Photo by Daniel Johnson courtesy of Camp Grounded
“I’m here to burn shit,” the camper tells me. “That’s it.” He’s signing up for archery and fire building, nothing more. Nevertheless, I try to convince him to embrace the spirit of camp, and do something that pushes him out of his comfort zone. Maybe tea tasting? Meditation? Cuddle therapy? He refuses. I’m afraid that, for the first time, the magic of camp won’t be able to reach a camper.
But then, in the middle of night, as I’m having a deep talk with a friend around the campfire, I see exactly what I’m hoping for. The macho camper is looking at the flames, tears in his eyes, while someone else hugs him. I don’t know what happened, but the transformation is amazing. All macho man needed was a place where saying “I’m just here to burn shit” is the outlier’s stance, not the norm.
I was so happy to see that camper start to bond with others– because Camp Grounded is filled with amazing people. Fog, the tea master, philosopher, and volleyball legend who taught me about alternate dimensions and Monkey Picked tea. Prow Prow, a magical woman who can play the harmonium just as well as she can beatbox. Dolphin, a CEO, a former boxer, and improviser. Chow Time, the camp’s cook who doesn’t have to participate in anything, but still hangs out by the water, goes to the camp dance, and makes sure we always have snacks.
Photo by Daniel Johnson courtesy of Camp Grounded
The first time I did silent dinner, I was intimidated. I don’t think I’d ever sat with my thoughts for an entire hour.
A lot of campers joke that we’re part of a cult. And I mostly disagree… until silent dinner. When you look at this picture below, you probably think, “Yeah. They drank the Kool-Aid.”
Photo by Daniel Johnson courtesy of Camp Grounded
The first time I did silent dinner, I was intimidated. I don’t think I’d ever sat with my thoughts for an entire hour. You’re not distracted by anything. All you can do is think about what’s holding you back in life—that or take a nap. Either way, it’s a healing experience. At the end of the hour, I write down something that’s holding me back.
Next, the camp moves to the counsel ring, where a fire burns. Some counselors sing and play the drums. After we sit and absorb the music for a while, people start to stand up and throw their fears into the fire. Still, everyone is silent. Former strangers embrace each other as they cry. No one has to explain themselves. Everyone simply offers each other love and support. I remember how everyone is holding onto something that doesn’t serve them, whether that’s an addiction, a job that they hate, or self-destructive feelings. No matter what, each camper has a shoulder to lean on.
Photo by Daniel Johnson courtesy of Camp Grounded
And finally, everyone eats dinner in silence. Here’s something I learned: if you really want to notice the flavors of your food, sit in total quiet. I do not, though, recommend this method with frozen dinners.
Photo by Daniel Johnson courtesy of Camp Grounded
Later that night, everyone sits under the stars and makes s’mores. My heart almost hurts it’s filled with so much love. So I do something which, in any other circumstance, would have looked crazy. I frame the scene in front of me with my hands, look for a moment, and make a camera noise. Yep. I just took a fake picture. And it wasn’t even ironic. In fact, others followed suit. And, hey– I still remember the details from that moment far better than a lot of others that I have actual photographic evidence of. Thanks, mind camera.
After camp, I don’t turn my phone on for another 24 hours. I’m almost afraid of it– like once I hit the power button, all the magic I’m feeling will stop.
Throughout the four days of camp, I have more deep conversations than I have had in two months. I’m amazed by how quickly I can connect when I’m not constantly checking my phone. After camp, I don’t turn my phone on for another 24 hours. I’m almost afraid of it– like once I hit the power button, all the magic I’m feeling will stop.
Photo by Daniel Johnson courtesy of Camp Grounded
****
But it doesn’t. Sure, going back to New York City after living in the woods is hard. And returning to the lonesome life of freelance writing is even harder. But so many elements of Camp Grounded have stuck with me. First of all, I have a group of friends who’ve experienced the magic. They understand how fun life can be– and a lot of them keep those values in their “W”—their work. Because of camp, I have friends who run a 6 AM sober dance party. And run scavenger hunts for adults. And make Lego sculptures. They inspire me to remember that just because I’m growing up, doesn’t mean that I have to stop playing– and I can incorporate that into my work, as well.
During the silent meditation, I decide that I’m going to burn the pre-camp version of myself, and take the time to figure out what I want from the future. After all, I recently started freelancing full-time, and I’m not sure what I want my life to look like. So, I sit by myself in the tea hut, and make a nest of cushions. I imagine being kinder to others, doing things that bring me joy, and living for a few moments every day without technology by my side.
It’s a few weeks after camp, and I’m definitely not there yet. This morning, I woke up with my laptop next to me and used my phone in the bathroom. But I also sent a few letters– actual letters!– to friends in the mail. I’m working on it.
It turns out, sometimes a few sips of Kool-Aid is all you need.
We don’t know much about this video other than this: It stars a good dog named Gypsy, a giant slide and takes place at the Beausejour Fair near Manitoba, Canada. But really, what else do we need to know?
The internet told me a secret about creativity once. Actually, the internets told me tons of secrets and lifehacks and fixes to creative constipation; spoiler alert: it isn’t a laxative. Yet why do none of them foster long-term impact? The truth is you already know why.
Here’s the mojo, man: Ailments like “society” and “technology” and “capitalistic exploitation” have addled our human brain from its inherent state of perfect creativity. Our always-on, always-connected world isn’t the best place for us creatives. And what do creatives do—create, duh.
How to create your most creative creates while you’re creating mindless creates for the non-creatives? Creativity! Acutally, I’ve been searching the internet for hours—so, eons in internet attention span—excavating the deepest recesses to discover the answer. And I stumbled across this nugget of boiled-down gold: 7 Surprising Facts About Creativity, According To Science.
I have not read this book nor do I plan on it. But I have read an article about it, and in the internet badlands, that’s good enough to be an opinionated expert. So, without further ado, 7 Ultra Startling Facts About Creating, According to Scientists (Who Don’t Create).
Shower
A controversial starter, but if you didn’t want these scathing hot takes, why’d you go outside today? Lots of creative types have world-shattering ideas in the shower (there’s a statistic somewhere), so sorry you Rugrats-watching, Playpen-imitating kids. Wanna be (creatively) successful? Bathe up. Woody Allen is a primary example of someone who endorses long, hot showers, though that’s a bit like Tiger Woods and Magic Johnson endorsing marriage, which is to say: Makes sense!
Be Lonely
You ever wonder why cool kids in school never make anything cool? Ask Cameron Crowe because I don’t know.
So here’s the crazy thing about creating: There’s no “We” in creative, just an “I.” You want to be cool, you want to hang with your friends all the time, you want to stimulate nourishing, healthy relationships in your life? Sorry, sonny, maybe creating just isn’t for you. To create, you must be alone, so if you need love, stop wasting my time.
Experiment
You know those college years, when you’re excited to—whoa!—experiment? Maybe things got a little crazy in the library one night, your good “buddy,” hyped on massive amounts of stimulants like you, asks for a “study break.” In your younger years, maybe you would’ve stayed, but that day you went. His roommates were throwing a low-key “kickback” and you join. You enjoy yourselves, drink a little, smoke a little. The night hazes. Your eyelids droop. And your “buddy” asks if you want to see something in his room. Your “buddy” has a wide grin on his face when he shuts the door. Then he gets real close, digs into this pocket, and asks, “You curious?”
Laying in his palm, flat, so harmless, are Japanese mini-mochi candies. Without hesitation, you just go for it. You suck on that mochi candy until it disappears. The old you wouldn’t have done that. And that’s the experimental spirit you must embody throughout life: You gotta suck some mochi candies.
Do LSD
Or something. Follow your heart, or gut, or butt. One of those. I skimmed this part of the article. I saw LSD in a story about creativity; the rest seemed obvious.
Manifest death and destruction in your personal life
Scientists pretty much all agree: “post-traumatic growth” is a huge boon to creativity. Death of close loved one, spirits down, trauma of any kind; you need this if you’re to create. Because you know what they always say about bottoms? They’re fun to touch. But you know what else they say about bottoms? You’ll never climb if you don’t fall. Think about it.
Daydream
I’m creating so hard right now, I’m daydreaming about creating while actually creating. The trick is to let your mind wander to its most random of thoughts—“What kind of cheese do I want to be when I grow up?”—while still creating. I bet you can’t tell that only a fraction of my brain power is required to write such creative gold like I am right now. (Seriously, right? Like don’t tell my bosses, but this happens all the time.)
Don’t expect people to like your creating!
So you’re alone in the shower munching on some mochi candies after hitting some LSD and you’re mind wanders onto the most traumatic event of your entire life. Hold on. You’ll want to freak out. Everything in your body will tell you to freak out. But you can’t. You musn’t. That is when we must create our hardest, that is where pure expression will come from. That is how you create beautiful creates.
But, uh, the world’s cynical and cruel and no one will like your work until you die, then you’re trending on Twitter for a day, and people pretend they like you and miss you, which, I guess, is the best anyone could ever hope for. It’s the entire point of creating. And with this boiled-down gold advice reduced to its prime, gooey essence, you’re finally ready to create.
With new music flying like warp-speed through the various channels of the Internet, it can be hard to keep up. But worry not! Each week The Fresh Toast will deliver the most-discussed and exciting songs that have recently dropped. Landed. Crashed. And also: soared. Enjoy.
Kim Gordon—“Murdered Out”
A grandma made this? This was my thought following a first listen of Kim Gordon’s return. And to be clear: this was my only thought after pressing play on the 3:35-long track. Living inside the vibrations of “Murdered Out” is like finding oneself trapped during an acid hailstorm while an earthquake rumbles and the foulest scoundrels Gordon’s hometown Los Angeles has to offer rioting and looting the streets.
I’m still unsure what to label this but let’s go with goth-industrial banger. Gordon was apparently inspired to write this song after returning to L.A. and noticing a new trend of black matte paint jobs, a new mainstream trend taken from lowrider car culture. Here’s Gordon on it: “Black-on-black matte is the ultimate expression in digging out, getting rid of, purging the soul. Like a black hole, the supreme inward look, a culture collapsing in on itself, the outsider as an unwilling participant as the ‘It’ look.”
Kim Gordon is the most badass grandma around. Actually screw that. She doesn’t need the epithet of grandma. Gordon’s just a badass. Black matte spray.
Calvin Harris—“My Way”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGaEf0CZfbQ
Here’s what Calvin Harris’ latest is not: It’s not a Frank Sinatra cover and it’s super seriously definitely not about ex-girlfriend (and newly single!) Taylor Swift. With that shade-oozing hook of “You were the one thing in my way,” Harris repeats over and over again, opting to use his own vocals on the track. And check these lyrics that no-way-in-hell reference Swift: “I made my move and it was all about you / Now I feel so far removed.”
That being said: Good job, Calvin. You beat her at her own game.
GTA ft. Vince Staples—“Little Bit of This”
Vince Staples stays winning. His recent output demonstrates that Vince isn’t worried about blowing past the edges of classic and contemporary hip hop sounds. Comfortable in various lanes outside his own, “Little Bit of This” continues that trend. Miami DJ duo GTA manifest sublime chaos with those snapping rhythms and wailing synths, a monster of a beat very few rappers would be comfortable touching. Vince drives through all that noise with nonchalant bars like “Feelin’ like Snoop at the Source awards” and “Marriages to white women, Mike Jackson shit.”
Bon Iver—“8 (Circle)
Whatever Bon Iver is about to unleash with its third studio album, 22 A Million, I feel fairly confident saying we’ve never heard anything like it before. The band performed their latest single on Fallon and it’s worth checking out just to see the setup: Justin Vernon standing in the middle of three synth stations, not an acoustic guitar in sight. It’s ethereal, otherworldly, a missive from an alien man. Whatever you want to call it, we’re in.
D.R.A.M.—“Cash Machine”
https://soundcloud.com/bigbabydram/cash-machine
D.R.A.M. makes music that sounds like the art of flight: it’s weightless, high in melodic register, and giggles with joy. His singing almost seems like it passes through a smile. D.R.A.M. has a reason to be happy too: His “Broccoli” collaboration with Lil’ Yachty just hit No. 1 on Billboard’s Hot Raps chart. He beat out Drake’s Rihanna-assisted “Too Good,” which is poetic for the kind of person who recognizes the liberal similarities to D.R.A.M.’s “Cha Cha” and Drake’s “Hotline Bling.” (Hint: That should be everyone.)
But D.R.A.M. doesn’t seem to be that petty. He’s too busy flying.
Jenny Hval—“Period Piece”
This space transmission is about a relatively normal event for half the population: an OB/GYN visit. But the textures of the track, with its diffusion of backup vocals, electronic pop beat, frenetic drum machine, tell a different story, that of celestial femininity. The short record leaves you desperately wanting more, but Jenny Hval leaves you with your tongue-in-cheek, muttering, “It’s only blood.”
Sometimes when you visit a Sunglass Hut in a New Jersey mall, you walk out with a cool pair of new shades. Other times your freakin’ vape pen explodes in your fancy-ass, Louis Vuitton purse and you leave with a ruined $1,900 bag.
The latter situation happened to Mara McInerney earlier this week when she was shopping at the Sunglass Hut store at the Freehold Raceway Mall. Seems the battery to her vape exploded, sending smoke wafting into the store.
“Terrifying, scary. It sounded like a gunshot. It sounded like a bomb went off,” McInerney told NBC New York. “It was 9/11. I thought someone had put something in my bag.”
No one was injured, though McInerney said her four-year-old daughter often plays with her purse and could have been hurt. “It could have exploded in her face,” she said.
While rare, vape pens have been known to explode before. NBC reports there have been two dozen similar incidents since 2009, and Gizmodo notestwo men were injured earlier this year when their vapes exploded in their pockets.
