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Cities and Celebrities: Proposing 8 New Holidays for Hometown Heroes

Cities love claiming their hometown heroes. It gives people a sense of pride in where they’re from, lets celebrities return home heroes, and provides the mayor with an easy photo op. Everyone wins.

For example, the city of Los Angeles recently announced that August 24 will now be known as “Kobe Bryant Day.” The date, 8/24, plays on Bryant’s two jersey numbers he wore for the Lakers, and will help promote Bryant’s philanthropic and venture capitalist second life following his fruitful basketball career.

https://twitter.com/josehuizar/status/767912075989438464

We love this idea: More holidays, more civic pride, more fun!

In fact, we love this idea so much we’re proposing a list of new holidays tailor-made for cities and their stars. Following the L.A.-Kobe blueprint, we’ll focus on raising awareness for important causes, fun celebrations, and arbitrary numbers.

Check out our full list below.

Photo by Flickr user Jeffrey Beall
Photo by Flickr user Jeffrey Beall

December 5—Tom Brady Day, Boston

December 5th will be Tom Brady Day in Boston, commemorating the exact pressure Brady likes his balls (12.5 PSI).  Fans who show up to sports bars dressed as ball boys (or ball girls) will receive four free Sam Adams (for each of Brady’s four Super Bowls) in exchange for a deflated ball that will be donated to a charity. That charity: Youth Boys & Girls Clubs in Indianapolis. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell will try to suspend the holiday numerous times, utilizing his corporate and Capitol Hill leverage, but will fail. Boston fans will use this anecdote in numerous sports bars across America as reason why their celebrity holiday is better than everyone else’s.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BJb3b8LgeIv/

October 2—DJ Khaled night, Miami

As DJ Khaled fame rises to meteoric heights, so too will the success of Snapchat. Realizing his influence on the brand, Snapchat will name him the official mascot of the app. To commemorate the day Khaled joined Snapchat—October 2, 2015—Miami will also attempt to capitalize on his growing success and announce DJ Khaled night in Miami. The party will be held in the port with attendees riding We The Best-branded jet skis. Khaled will DJ on a floating barge designed as a giant lion. Waiters in kayaks will float between partiers passing out Ciroc Apple shots and chicken sausage bites made by Chef Dee. Snapchat will be the only social app allowed and Khaled will say “Another One” approximately 4,000 times.

Photos: Linklater by Flickr user LBJ Library, Mcconaughey by Flickr user David Torcivia

May 28—Linklater-McConaughey Day, Austin

On May 28th, the city of Austin will celebrate the lives of two hometown stars: Matthew McConaughey and Richard Linklater. The date aligns with Dazed and Confused, Linklater’s and McConaughey’s classic, which follows several jocks and outcasts on their last day of high school, May 28th 1976.  Austinites will drive around aimlessly in Lincoln cars, listen to Led Zeppelin and Aerosmith, and smoke weed amidst conversation about the frivolous and temporal nature of life. Though this already (kind of) happens, this will be the day everyone does it together, and therefore elevate the activity in everyone’s minds.

December 4th—Jay Z Day, Brooklyn

As Jay Z drifts further and further into the corporate world, eventually being recognized by his formal name “Shawn Carter,” he will amass enough capital and influence to institute his own holiday. It will be December 4th, his birthday, and every year, Mr. Carter will make the same dad joke at the event: “I got the perfect song for today.” Then “December 4th” will play as Jay bursts into that giggling laugh of his. The event will be a giant block party in Marcy, Brooklyn, akin to those had in the early DJ-centric days of hip hop (as seen in The Get Down), though everyone will be drinking D’usse and Ace of Spades and it’ll be livestreamed on Tidal. Nas will announce a similar block party in Queens that will be more critically lauded, but never reach the popular mass of Mr. Carter’s.

Photo by Flickr user Bigotes de Gato | Fotografía

“4”—Beyoncé holiday, Houston

Four is a number synonymous with Beyoncé: She was born September 4th, there were four original members in Destiny’s Child, one of her albums is titled 4, and she married Jay Z April 4. As a response to the new tradition of celebrities commemorating their own days, Beyoncé will convince Houston to bequeath the entire month of April to her. One year, without any warning, that month will just be called “4” within city limits. No one will know why until Beyoncé announces a surprise residency during “4” in Houston, where she will perform a live-only album in Third Ward concert venues that will change performance to performance. All proceeds will go to BeyGood, and will provide vegan-friendly meals to those in need. Oh, and the bee emoji will become the official seal of the city.

June 7—Michael Jordan day, Chicago

When Chicago sends out a press release revealing June 7th as Michael Jordan Day, no one will be surprised. It will seem pre-ordained and basketball Twitter will wonder aloud, full of snark, why this wasn’t already a thing. The only speculation will revolve around the date. Is it a commentary on the evolution of his jersey numbers: No. 23, No. 45, now 6/7? Or: If the month stands for championship victories (6), is the 7 symbolic of his Olympic Gold Medal? Only years later will MJ’s true intentions be known: As an instigation to all current NBA players that he’s still better than them and will steal the spotlight during the sport’s most captivating month. He will host a city-wide basketball tournament by day with a Cuban cigar party at night. No rap music will play at either event. A new retro Jordan will be tied to the event each year and will sell for thousands on eBay. Bulls chairman Jerry Reisndorf will not be invited.

January 8, March 7Peyton Manning day, Indianapolis and Denver

With it becoming obvious the celebrity holiday is indeed a national trend, Indianapolis will try to quickly snatch up the rights to Peyton Manning day to an exclusive deal. Not wanting anything special, the date will be simple: 1/8. But organizers will bicker over liability insurance rates over possible neck injuries at the Kick, Pass, and Punt challenge and scrimmage to be held at the event, and the city of Denver will offer more money if Manning will hold the event on March 7. Manning will choke back tears and reluctantly agree while sportswriters will call it a poetic date: the day he was fired from the Colts and retired from the NFL. Budweiser and Papa John’s will sponsor the event. Manning will attempt to donate all proceeds to the United Way, but the organization will refuse, stating the gesture is too little, too late, considering Manning’s past.

Photo by Flickr user Eva Rinaldi

October 24—Taylor Swift week, Nashville

Late in her career, when it’s clear Kim Kardashian has won the media war against her, a leak will reach the internet that Taylor Swift is about to announce a week-long holiday in Nashville to “return to her roots.” The move will seem opportunistic and shameless to most critics, who will label her a “culture vulture.” Swift will respond with an iPhone note screenshot posted on Instagram lashing out against capitalism and celebrity voyeurism, all while making a half-hearted appeal to her “real fans” who staunchly come to her defense. Swift will also try to romance Leonardo DiCaprio to drum up gossip mag interest, but he will refuse. She also will try to get back together with Jake Gyllenhaal, and will send him an email explaining that she needs the popularity boost and that he can dump her after the festival. When that email leaks as well, and Gyllenhaal avoids commenting, Swift becomes a trending topic day after day, as her paranoia leads her into more and more controversy. Amidst the negative publicity, Nashville cancels the event, casting a dark cloud over celebrity-city holidays, and the trend slowly fades away from view.

Woman Asks Burly Firefighters to Crawl Through Her Window For Her 105th Birthday

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For all of its downsides, aging has some perks. People treat you with respect, you get offered seats on the subway, movie tickets are cheaper and, if you’re Ivena Smailes, five hunky firefighters will help you celebrate your 105th birthday.

Smailes, who goes by Ivy, requested the firefighters’ presence for her big day, which she celebrated at the Addison Court Care Home in Crawcrook, England.

“[Ivy] sends us little challenges for her birthday every year and this year she asked for firemen,” Debra Carter, a worker at the facility in Addison, told ABC News. “We had the local fire brigade come…through the third floor balcony window. They were more than happy to help!”

The party also featured singers — who performed songs by some of Ivy’s favorite artists, including Elvis, Al Johnson, and Frank Sinatra — and dancing. 

“It was great!” Smailes said. “Out of this world.”

The centenarian has big plans for next year’s bash. “She’s already said that next year she wants to meet Prince Harry,” Carter said.

[h/t The Cut]

World’s Biggest Cannabis Party Celebrates 25 Years

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For 25 years, the annual Seattle Hempfest has attracted massive crowds (this year’s three-day attendance was nearly 200,00) to listen to non-top music and speeches on six stages spread throughout the 1 1/2-mile Myrtle Edwards Park on the city’s famed waterfront.

No other cannabis event can compare when it comes to the sheer number of attendees and speakers. And no cannabis event can claim the financial windfall for the host city. According to an economic impact study, Hempfest patrons (about 20 percent of whom are from out of state) spend roughly $7 million dollars during the weekend.

Protestival on a Shoestring
But if you think it’s all about the green (in both bucks and bud), you are mistaken. Yes, the city’s coffers get filled, but the Hempfest organization operates on a shoestring budget and relies on an army of more than 1,000 volunteers.

The free event, described aptly as a “Protestival” by Hempfest founder and director Vivian McPeak, depends on the generosity of its patrons to stay afloat.

Photo courtesy of Seattle Hempfest
Photo courtesy of Seattle Hempfest

Since it is considered a “free speech event” and not a commercial event, the organizers do not charge admission but accept donations. During most years, the average donation is less than 50 cents per attendee – a pittance for a three-day festival. This year, the organizers actively pushed for a larger contribution.

Official crowd totals and contributions were not available at press time, but organizers were upbeat about this year’s crowd.

“We’ll have a better accounting by the end of the week,” McPeak said on Sunday. “But we are happy with the early estimates.”

Did Legalization Hurt?
Ironically, one of Hempfest’s largest financial challenges is legalization of recreational marijuana – or, more accurately, how the law’s implementation damaged the state’s medical program.

Photo courtesy of Seattle Hempfest
Photo courtesy of Seattle Hempfest

“Our primary source of sponsorship and advertising—which were medical marijuana dispensaries—were closed this year, and the money dried up because they stopped advertising,” McPeak told High Times. “That was a real body blow to us, and so we thought, ‘Well that’s okay, we got the recreational stores coming and they can advertise.’ Well, the state legislature made it against the law for a I-502 licensee (which includes rec stores or cultivators, or packagers and processors) to advertise within a thousand feet of public property or within a state park. We’re on city park public property, so they can have a booth, they can give out information, but they can’t talk about their products or their business or the fact that they sell anything. Combine those two things, and that’s really a challenge for us.”

At a quarter-of-a-century old, there are some who believe Hempfest is no longer needed as a vehicle to spread the word. After all, marijuana is medically legal in 25 states and recreationally in four states – with more states voting for initiatives this November.

McPeak says the work must go on and the event would continue as an advocate for complete national legality and equality.

“We have a 25-point platform detailing all the things that we believe are important: home growth, medical-marijuana rights and getting marijuana off federal schedules for the Controlled Substances Act. We don’t in any way think that we’re finished.”

Kanye West Wrote A Weird Poem About McDonald’s

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When we speak of great modern-day American poets, the list probably starts with — yeah, nevermind. Kanye wrote a poem about McDonalds. And it’s absolutely incredible.

By now you’ve likely heard of *the poem*, but to recap: Frank Ocean’s recent data dump of refracted beauty included his magazine Boys Don’t Cry. Contained within that magazine is “The McDonald’s Man,” written by Mr. West himself. Below is the poem in its entirety.

The McDonald’s Man
Calabassas, California

McDonalds man
McDonalds man
The French fries had a plan
The French fries had a plan
The salad bad and the ketchup made a band
Cus the French fries had a plan
The French fries had a plan

McDonalds man
McDonalds man
I know them French fries had a plan
I know them French fries had a plan
The cheeseburger and the shakes formed a band
To overthrow the French fries plan
I always knew them French fries was evil man
Smelling all good and shit
I don’t trust no food that smells that good man
I don’t trust it
I just can’t

McDonalds man
McDonalds man
McDonalds, damn
Them French fries look good tho
I knew the diet Coke was jealous of the fries
I knew the McNuggets was jealous of the fries
I could see it through his artificial meat eyes
And he only be there some of the time
Everyone was jealous of them French fries
Expect for that one special guy
That smooth apple pie

In print, the poem remains a production of majesty, but the plight of the fries becomes even more palpable delivered by spoken word. Thank goodness, then, for New York rapper Joey Bada$$, who was recently on HOT 97 and recited the “Shakesperean” quality poem.

Contained within the pages of Boys Don’t Cry also includes Mr. West pulling through a McDonald’s drive-thru in a car that has no earthly business in such an establishment. Photographed by NABIL, who also directed Ocean’s mosaic “Pryramids” music video, the pictures speak as something like a performance art piece. Or Kanye just really wanted some McDonald’s. Both are feasible.

Of course, McDonald’s had added its “social” response as well with a tweet including the red 100 emoji, which has long been out of style thanks to stunts like this.

McDonalds man. I hope this doesn’t constitute their marketing plan.

Here Are Some Known Unknowns About Medical Cannabis

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On August 11, 2016, we were dealt an unexpected blow to supporters of medical cannabis research when it rejected two petitions to moderate its stance on marijuana. Instead, the federal agency reaffirmed its classification of the plant as a schedule I drug—that is to say, a substance with no accepted medical purpose and a high potential for abuse.

(In an apparent concession, however, the DEA did agree to expand the number of officially-registered marijuana “manufacturers,” who are legally allowed to supply product for approved medical research. Previously there was only one supplier: the University of Mississippi.)

The refusal to reclassify puts the DEA out of step with 25 states plus the District of Columbia, which have passed medical marijuana laws. More than that, it’s clear that the DEA has even lost that bastion of conventional wisdom, Time magazine.

The day the fed announced its retrograde position, the weekly news review that we all assumed had gone out of business sometime during the second Bush administration published its measured support for weed, starting with a quotation from a Mount Sinai Hospital physician, who called the Fed’s decision “disappointing,” and culminating with this observation from a biology professor: “In the biomedical research community, it is universally understood that cannabis is a very safe, well-tolerated medicine.” There was not a single dissenting opinion, not even for a fig-leaf of “balance.”

The piece concludes with what the magazine concludes are the seven most burning scientific questions about marijuana. And they match up closely with our concerns here at the Fresh Toast.

Here’s the breakdown:

It’s already a given that cannabis is effective and safe as a palliative, but are there diseases it might actually cure? Time’s top candidates for medical cannabis are cancer, Alzheimer’s, and anxiety. That’s three questions we’d all like answered.

On the other side, however, we still know very little about the longterm effects of cannabis use. Until we have more data, that uncertainty will overshadow any potential medical breakthrough. In particular, we need to better understand the effects of cannabis on the brain

That’s two more questions. A third (bringing our total to six) concerns the pharmacological nitty-gritty of cannabis: What of the many varieties of cannabinoids are medically useful? Is whole plant better than synthetics. And if whole plant is best, how do we dose it properly?

Finally, the magazine also looks hopefully to weed’s potential to stem our addiction to opioid pain relievers.

Answers for all of these are in the works, but it’s going to take time. Because of the DEA’s intransigence, we’re going to have to wait that much longer

1500 U.S. Partiers Blown Into Canada During Tipsy River Float

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“There were Americans everywhere.”

This was the nightmare the Canadian Coast Guard’s Peter Garapick faced on an otherwise pleasant Sunday afternoon, when 1,500 of these showed up on Ontario’s shores:

The annual Port Huron Float Down, a time-honored tradition spanning 39 drunken years of drifting lazily along the St. Clair River, took a turn for the very ridiculous as 30 mph gusts blew their inflatable rafts into Canadian waters.

“The people who take part in this are not mariners,” Garapick told CBC. Or thinkers, apparently. “They don’t look at the wind, the weather and the waves. We knew from the get-go, the winds were going to cause a problem. There’s no question they were involuntarily coming to Canada.”

Involuntarily, and illegally: Some in the wayward party tried to swim back to America, with little luck. The coast guard rounded up the soggy trespassers and escorted them back to the States.

On their country-crossing walk of shame, some Canadian passers-by donated the shirts off their backs. America, we have a lot to learn from our neighbors to the North.

These Sand Sculptures Will Change Your Outlook on Life

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No other art form more closely resembles the experience of life than sand sculptures. There’s the painstaking dedication it takes to be great, the liability of it all washing away at a moment’s notice, and the chance a kid can upend everything when you’re least expecting it. Maybe that’s why these sand sculptures resonate so deeply: They reveal something about ourselves. That something: We’re still pretty damn immature these days. Thanks for the reminder, sand sculptures.

Why Frank Ocean Is The Perfect Star For Our Digital Age

Was the art worth the wait?

Following four years of online agitated anticipation, of Tumblr rumors and Canadian DJs tweeting false hope, Frank Ocean released not one, but two albums: the zenlike Endless, a visual koan and possible woodshop promotional video, and Blonde, a sonic labyrinth tempting disappearance of self, the way a first-time visitor loses oneself in a brand-new, beautiful city. Virtuosic, intimate, gorgeous both, but those are conclusions not reached immediately, and possibly only following repeated listenings.

Because in each case, the first voice you hear does not sound like Frank, in one case I mean that literally, in the other figuratively. “With this Apple appliance, you can capture live video,” the German artist Wolfgang Tillmans intones, voice distorted, to begin Endless, chanting “blurry, blurry, the line,” before Frank sets the mood desired with a crackling “At Your Best (You Are Love)” cover. The message: If Frank’s pure croon is what you seek, you’ll have to wait a little longer.

So too is the case with “Nikes,” the opening track to Blonde. Though it’s Frank’s voice, it’s twisted, garbled, a radio broadcast from a separate planet, the source perhaps an alien species. Halfway through, Frank proper comes through, but he’s singing backup vocals to the chipmunk soul singer on display. You’d be excused for thinking Frank remained in hiding after all this time. When that familiar, lovely voice sings “We’ll let you guys prophesy,” it’s almost relieving to hear the man still exists within his own myth.

And who is that man? Frank Ocean reveals himself to be a multi-faceted soul producing art about our collective struggle to connect in an isolated, digital world. It isn’t easy either: relationships burst and meaning is duplicitous. But that doesn’t stop Frank from trying — singing (and rapping!) his damn heart out.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BJWVPdmj8hQ/

But still it’s slippery pinpointing Frank, even within “Nikes” alone. What version of the song are we discussing: The album version? The “Nikes” video that dropped as a single ahead of the album? Or perhaps the pop-up store album “Nikes,” which features Japanese rapper KOHH spitting fiery-sounding bars you likely don’t understand? “I got two versions,” a Hulk-sounding Frank says on the video “Nikes,” parodying (parroting?) his Tumblr post from a year ago, when he showed off his “Boys Don’t Cry” magazine. Back then the phrase pointed to two issues of the mag, and immediate speculation following the releases meant his two albums. But it seems more and more likely Frank’s referring to himself.

Multiple identities abound in our digital age. The smartphone age, more accurately. The avatar of your online persona differs from the you with family which varies from the you with your partner that isn’t anything like the you alone on a Saturday night. Anxious, isn’t it, living that kind of double or triple life? That stress only builds once you stop assuming you’re the only one performing these multiple roles day to day. In meeting someone new, for friendship or more, around the time everything starts gelling pleasantly, it’s difficult for an insidious thought not to pop into your head: “Yeah, but is this the real them?” And then: “Am I even being the real me?”

More than any other singer, more than any other contemporary artist really, Frank taps into these modern, mistrusting sentiments. “Things I wouldn’t tell nobody / Some things I didn’t even tell me,” he wails in Endless’ “Alabama,” inexplicable even to himself (him too? thank goodness). All the while multiple Frank clones toil away, not talking to one another, pausing for an occasional phone break. He’s pleading for genuine connection, begging to hear, “What can I do to know you better than I do now?” And also: “What can I do to love you more than I do now?” And of all singers to accompany such a sentiment, he chooses Sampha, someone who clings to inscrutable self-preservation as much as, if not more, than Frank Ocean (which is saying something).

He lashes out as much as he self-lacerates. “N****s tryna go pop, I draw contact / With my facemask,” he raps on “U-N-I-T-Y.” Yes, rapping. He’s done it previously, but none more so than on these projects, further erasing all the social lines aiming to trap him. But as soon as he fronts, he confesses in the same breath: “Perusing the MoMA / I’m all on my lonely, burst in tears / On his shoulder and it’s so cold cause he sculptured.” I couldn’t imagine a sadder image and turn-of-phrase: Even art doesn’t comfort the artist, but the air-conditioned stone is all he has to combat his isolation.

On previous projects Channel Orange and nostalgia, ULTRA. we heard these kinds of therapy session admissions. What’s always drawn listeners to Frank has been his vulnerable sincerity. He didn’t hide behind typical postmodern flaunting nor did he lie. And even when he did, he immediately subverted that posturing, as mentioned above, or would blurt out the truth, like a child unable to keep up his charades.

“I swear I’ve got three lives / Balanced on my head like steak knives,” goes that famous phrasing on Orange’s rapturous “Bad Religion.” That song, one of the artist’s best, most closely correlates to what’s found on Blonde. But whereas he divulges those “three lives” then, he acts them out now, through audio manipulation and various characters coming in and out like vignettes.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BJUjXooD3jP/

In the video for “Nikes,” not only does Frank present multiple selves—the mascara-wearing loner drinking by himself, the glitter glam pretty, the stripped-down singer donning streetwear—there’s the way a camera shot of a Jacuzzi party gives way to a nude woman swimming majestically, like a mermaid, lingering peaceful through the water. Then how the camera cuts back further to reveal that the woman’s been floating in a fish tank, another camera capturing this image. It’s like some giant game to figure out what’s really going on here.

It’s all a confrontation: What do you chose this to mean?

The duplicity extends to the lyrics, too. “Solo,” Frank repeats in the track with the same name, and when he sings “Riding solo,” very quickly its meaning morphs to “Riding so low” as well. An example of great songwriting, sure, something Frank’s always excelled at. But the hook elevates into pure poetry with “It’s hell on Earth and the city’s on fire / Inhale, inhale there’s heaven / There’s a bull and a matador dueling in the sky / Inhale, inhale there’s heaven.” But does he mean “in hell, in hell there’s heaven”? Or possibly “Inhale, in hell there’s heaven?” It’s all a confrontation: What do you chose this to mean?

But it’s the moments with Frank, the storytelling bits we cling to. “Did you call me from a séance / You are from a past life,” he raps in the trippy “Nights.” (Never had I heard the online concept of “ghosting” expressed so purely.) And in “Good Guy,” regarding a hollow night meeting a blind date in New York, he tosses off, “You text nothing like you look,” capturing such a universal millennial sentiment. Add to that this from “Futura Free”: “Remember when I had that Lexus no / Our friendship don’t go back that far.” Such alienation in a hyper-connected world, and yet so familiar the feelings as well. No wonder we can never get enough of Frank.

No doubt: This is an artist excavating himself deeply and thoroughly, working really, really hard to express his entire self as fully as possible. This is all of me, these various multitudes, these numerous sounds, these alternate forms of art, he seems to be saying. Before Frank showed how he viewed the world, but the leap between projects is clear: We’re in his world now. In it, covers and original songs blur as similar expressions. Artists like Beyonce and Kendrick Lamar provide background vocals and Andre 3000 fires poetic nuclear explosions through machine-gun bars. His mother and younger brother make appearances, shaping how we see Frank and what makes up him.

What’s most clear about Frank’s world is rather simple: In it, he can be whoever he wants. The albums double as a totemic war he’s waging to defeat all the barriers–self-manifested and social expectations–confining him. With the print magazine “Boys Don’t Cry”—released exclusively at pop-up shops—the visual album Endless, and the audio tour de force that is Blonde, Frank’s statement is total. He cannot be reduced. He isn’t one idea, or one person. He’s all of it, a self as boundless and beautiful and mysterious as the ocean itself.

Koko The Gorilla Charms Flea With Terrible Bass Skills

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Koko, a gorilla best known for being semi-fluent in sign language, and for her love of cats and Robin Williams, recently met the Red Hot Chili Pepper’s Flea. The two seemed to get along just fine, and she even tried to play one of Flea’s basses. Not to be rude, but after listening to two short snippets of her plucking away, it’s clear Koko can’t play bass for shit.

https://twitter.com/BassGuruApp/status/766818853640818689

Flea seemed charmed by her efforts, though. “This is the greatest thing that could ever happen,” he said. “This is the day I’ll never forget in my life.”

Of all the wild things a 53-year-old rock star has seen, we doubt a gorilla playing a bass cracks the Top 50. But it’s still a nice thing to say.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BJTRDpRAxet/

Potiquette: Should I Smoke Weed With My Dad?

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Dear Ms. Pot,

The other weekend, I was visiting my parents at our family cabin on Martha’s Vineyard. One night, after a big lobster feast, it was just my dad and I, hanging out on the porch. I’ve always known he kept a stash of pot hidden inside the little ceramic sailboat on the steps (much to the delight of my friends and I) though he never knew I knew. But, well, now he does… because we smoked it together. And I’ll be honest: it was awkward. You probably shouldn’t smoke pot with your parents, huh?

Thanks for your thoughts!

Baked in Boston

————————-

Dear BIB,

First of all, do you really think your dad didn’t know that you knew he keeps “a little pot” on the porch of his place on Martha’s Vineyard? Especially if you’ve been raiding it all these years! Dads who smoke pot aren’t dumb–just maybe a little slllooooowww. Regardless, sounds like you two never spoke about your shared pastime— and now, for some reason, you decided to get stoned together.

I mean, it’s not the ideal father-daughter activity. Sailing, swimming, cooking lobsters… that’s typically what parents and kids do together on the islands off Massachusetts.

However, as legality looms, I think that as long as you’re old enough to drink a beer with your dad, you are old enough to light up with your dad.

That said, it begs the question, which you’ve pretty much already answered: Is it fun to smoke pot with your parents? Do they make you laugh? Or are they sort of bummers? Depends on your relationship, of course. (And if your family is the type who guzzles G&Ts together before sunset anyway, maybe adding marijuana to the mix isn’t such a stretch?)

Will you and your father burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter over that time you were five and threw up on the ferry?

Still, consider the consequences: Will you and your father burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter over that time you were five and threw up on the ferry and it whipped back in the wind and onto the face of the stranger sitting next you? (Wait, that happened to you, too?)

Or will you get super paranoid that your father thinks you’re a failure because you live in a one-bedroom apartment on Beacon Hill that he still has to pay for? Or will you sit in silence staring up at the stars, sharing a sort of sweet moment together until your mom comes out and asks you to empty the dishwasher?

Traditionally, smoking pot has been something you do when you’re decidedly not with your parents. It’s great that you’ve always got a stash to smoke on your summer porch (thanks Dad!). Still, maybe I’m too nostalgic, but I think that’s what friends—not fathers— are for.

Love,

Ms. Pot

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