It must end. It must end here and it must end now. Happy National Barf Day.
No, I’m not talking about the campaign of a certain unhinged presidential candidate. Though, I’d be fine if that ended, as well. Instead, I’m here to say in no uncertain terms that what we will call the Day-ification of social media, and hence contemporary life, must end.
I’ve sat, simmering, through all manner of “days.” National Cupcake Day. National Flip-Flop Day . National Whatever Day. But now. Now. Now I’m ready to celebrate National Screw All These Days Day. The final filthy straw in this disgusting marketing cocktail?
Tacos and beer? Hell, yes. Tacos and tequila? A grand tradition.
Glad you asked. It happened when I woke up this morning to find that it is not simply National Taco Day, (which, by the way, of all the days, might actually be a day I could get with), but is also, incongruously: National Vodka Day.
Have you ever tried to combine tacos and vodka? Yeah, us either. And you know why none of us have ever tried to combine tacos and vodka? Because it’s gnarly as hell sounding, and totally, totally gross. Like smelling-vomit-then-vomiting-yourself-then-causing-someone-else-to-vomit-in-a-giant-vomitous-circle gross.
Tacos and beer? Hell, yes. Tacos and tequila? A grand tradition. Tacos and rum? Even that is far superior to tacos and vodka. I am pretty sure if you mix tacos with vodka, it won’t end well. So let’s combine the two days into National Barf Day.
Oh, and guess what? While writing this post, I may have stumbled upon the single day that is not an official or even unofficial day: National Barf Day.
And so, I’m calling upon all of you, good, sane, reasonable people to help us put an end to this day-ly madness. An end of “days,” if you will. Let some savvy person out there please take National Barf Day and run with it as far as you possible can. It will be our own not-so-quiet protest against the aggressive, transparent, and heinous ritual that these marketing days have come to be. Perhaps by this time next year, we can make October 4 into a third, unfortunate day to add alongside Taco and Vodka day.
Until then: let’s lose the vodka part of this day, and just put our energy toward getting those taco trucks on every corner. And a very, very Happy National Barf Day to you and to all those you love and cherish.