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Teen Who Jumped In Croc-Infested Waters To Impress Girl: “It Was All Worth It”

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Last week, we brought you the tale of a reportedly drunken teenager who was attacked by a crocodile after jumping into a croc-infested river in Australia on a dare from his friends. As it turns out, the teen was trying to impress a girl when he jumped in the water.

9News reports that Lee De Paauw was with group of his buddies early Sunday morning near a river in Queensland when he began to boast that crocodiles in the water would attack a foreigner before they’d attack a native-born Australian. He was apparently doing so to impress a 19-year-old woman, described by 9 News as a “beautiful backpacker.”

De Paauw felt so strongly that he decided to demonstrate his point by jumping in the water, where he was immediately attacked by a nine-foot crocodile.

“[The crocodile] took me underneath the water, shook its head a bit, and I managed to get a good punch in on its eye, and then it let go and I swam back to the stairs,” he said.

The woman who he was trying to impress, Sophie Paterson, described the gruesome scene to 9 News. “I’ve never heard a guy scream like that,” she said.

All’s well that ends well, though—Paterson was impressed enough by the stunt that she agreed to go on a movie date with De Paauw.

“It was all worth it,” he said.


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Florida Man Busted For Eating Pancakes In Middle Of Busy Road

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We can all agree that pancakes are a delicious treat. Have them for breakfast, lunch, or dinner—it’s always a good time for a flapjack. But until recently, people generally consumed them inside their homes or in a restaurant. A Florida man recently decided that just wasn’t going to cut it anymore, so he wandered out to a busy intersection in his pajamas, set down a TV table, a proceeded to eat several pancakes in the middle of the road.

Some concerned, breakfast-hating commuters called 911. “There’s a gentlemen sitting in the middle of the road with a folding table eating. Eating. Just sitting in the middle of road eating with a chair and a folding table,” a man told a dispatcher, according to the Orlando Sentinel.

Local 10 News reports videos of the stunt were posted to Facebook, where the pancake-eating innovator was identified as 21-year-old Kiaron Thomas.

Lakeland police officers determined Thomas lived just 100 yards from the site of the pancake disruption. When they interviewed him at his home, Thomas reportedly confessed to the prank. As a result he was charged with obstruction in the roadway and disrupting the free flow of traffic.

Sneak Peek: Here Are 69 New Emojis That Will Be Available This June

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Good news, mermen: Soon you will finally have an emoji to express yourself. News initially broke back in November that new emojis were on their way, and the Unicode Consortium has officially released the 69 new emojis that will come with its newest update.

https://twitter.com/Musicnews_feed/status/844647875267170312

Included will everything from dinosaurs, to exploding heads, to myriad magical creatures like wizards and vampires. You’ll want to dive into the Emojipedia blog for the full list on all things edible, mythical, and emotional, though you shouldn’t get too attached to these images yet.

Unicode may establish the language of emojis, but sometimes these end up being rendered differently on various platforms. Anyone with that one friend who has an Android phone already knows this. As Emojipedia writes, “Original sample images from Emojipedia visualizing how new emojis may look when they come to fruition. These mockups are created at the candidate stage, and may or may not resemble final versions from each platform vendor.”

Emoji 5.0 will release these 69 new emojis this June. Hang tight until then, my fellow mermen.


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Gwyneth Paltrow Publishes Guide To Back Door Sex

Gwyneth Paltrow has finally weighed in about anal sex. As you no doubt know, the Academy Award-winning actress publishes GOOP, a quasi-newsletter and website about food, sex, style, and other general lifestyle topics. One of the most recent articles is about anal sex.

Related: 8 Sexy Pro-Tips For Handling Very Big Packages

“First it was shocking, then it was having a cultural moment, now it’s practically standard in the modern bedroom repertoire—or so a quick scan of any media, from porn to HBO, will tell you,” the article—which may have been written by Paltrow herself—begins. It leads into an interview with Paul Joannides, Psy.D., who published the influential The Guide to Getting it On!, but first Paltrow—or one of her employees—notes that “[i]f anal turns you on, you are definitely not alone.”

In the interview, Joannides explains his theory behind the rise of anal sex (“This wasn’t because women were begging their lovers for anal, it’s because porn producers were afraid you’d click on someone else’s porn if they weren’t upping the ante in terms of shock value.”) and the risks involved even with use of a condom and lube.

The risks are substantially reduced by the use of condoms and lube as long as they are used correctly, but you won’t find too many condoms that say “safe for anal sex” because the FDA has not cleared condoms for use in anal sex,” he said. “That said, research indicates that regular condoms hold up as well as thicker condoms for anal sex, so there’s nothing to be gained from getting heavy-duty condoms.

Joannides also gives advice on how to try anal sex for the first time:

Both of you should read all you can about it first. Spend a few weeks helping the receiving partner train her anal sphincters to relax. Make sure you and your partner have great sexual communication, trust, and that you both want to do it, as opposed to one trying to pressure the other, or not wanting to do it but doing it because you are afraid your partner will find someone else who will. Do not do it drunk or stoned, and do not use lube that numbs your anus. If it doesn’t feel good when it’s happening, stop.

Could CBD-Infused Lifestyle Products Be The Next Big Cannabis Marketplace?

In the heart of Texas, during the country’s largest entertainment festival, there were vendors selling cannabis. Now, this wasn’t cannabis as typically rendered—they weren’t selling bud or common forms of the plants you’d see from retailers in states with legalized marijuana. Instead they were selling hemp-derived CBD products.

That’s because in the state of Texas if cannabidiol is derived from a legal industrial hemp plant, it isn’t subject to state regulations established by the Texas Compassionate Use Act. Instead, hemp-derived CBD is considered an essential oil, in the same family as lavender or peppermint, and can be sold legally.

“Industrial hemp products are safe, legal and can be purchased on-line or on the shelves of hundreds of retail locations in Texas,” Coleman Hemphill, executive director of the Texas Hemp Industries Association, told PR Newswire. “Thousands of Texans have purchased and benefited from the use of industrial hemp products such as hemp hearts, protein, milk, cosmetics, and CBD oil.”

One of the businessmen taking advantage of Texas’ hemp oil marketplace is Skyler Johnstone, who initially entered the cannabis space in Washington with his company Skywalker Delights, a freshly-baked edible retailer.

In Austin, he founded Bee Delightful, which sells organic honey infused with 250 milligrams of CBD hemp oil. The honey comes from treatment-free, organic bees rescued and transplanted to their co-op of farmers at the Bee Delightful sanctuary.

“Coming down here to Texas, I’m way ahead of most people that I run into as far as the cannabis plant because I’ve spent time, years and years, researching it, talking to industry professionals, scientists, doctors, medical patients,” he told us.

Part of what precipitated Johnstone’s move to Texas was the Cannabis Patient Protection Act that took effect in Washington last summer. That move forced the medicinal marijuana marketplace to be folded into the recreational one, and due to some shady business dealings, the big players essentially froze out some of the smaller guys like Johnstone.

“That hurt me. I wanted to be part of Initiative 502, [that legalized] recreational marijuana licenses,” he said. “But guess what happens? If you’re part of that as a producer myself, I would never meet my customer ever again. In Seattle, they have it broke down in three different tiers: producer, processor, and then they have the retailer. You cannot be all three.”

But with Bee Delightful, Johnstone has found a new avenue in Texas. Some within the state are expecting a possible “green rush” this year through the hemp marketplace and could become the new hotbed for growing cannabis to extract CBD.

Bee Delightful and Johnstone are poised uniquely to capitalize on this burgeoning market and really have “struck honey gold.” Every jar that a customer buys also goes to saving 100 bees, which is significant in a time when the rusty patched bumble just went on the endangered species list.

“This market is ready and it’s a bubble that’s about to pop,” Johnstone said. “Even if I have 1 percent of that market, we’re going to be killing it. I think I already have 1 percent of that market because we have such a superior product. The people want it, they just haven’t asked for it yet, or seen it yet.”

With information coming out regarding CBD’s effectiveness treating pain relief and the other benefits the product has, CBD-infused products, like honey, could be an untapped potential within the cannabis space and become part of many’s daily routines.

“We’re approaching this as ‘Life is good’ meets cannabis industry,” Johnstone said. “That’s where we’re at. It’s a lifestyle brand.”


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In Your Face Homer Simpson: Watch This Guy Eat 50 Doughnuts In 10 Minutes

You may know Matt Stonie from such roles as The Man Who Chugged a Gallon of Pumpkin Spice Latte, The Man Who Ate 25 Big Macs in One Sitting and  The Man Who Ate 103 Tacos in 8 Minutes. And after watching this video, you’ll know him as The Man Who Ate 50 Doughnuts For Breakfast.

The competitive eater from San Diego is at it again, using his overworked small intestine and a cup of water to digest 50 doughnuts as fast as he can, which is about 10 minutes.

While the doughnuts look tasty, the ease of this challenge does not. Watch as Matt stuffs his pie hole with eight boxes of Entenmann’s chocolate, glazed and powdered doughnuts (dude has sponsorship now, so skip to the 2:45 mark for the action).

 

About a year ago, Matt ate 12 Krispy Kreme doughnuts in 34 seconds, beating the previous record by 11 seconds. Looks like that simple challenge built up some confidence in the guy!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BEwstoSSgwH


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This Performance Artist Got Trump’s Campaign Slogan Tattooed Around His Butthole

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While you were busy donating a couple bucks to charity, a performance artist was bending over to endure the most cringe-worthy act of resistance you’ll see today: Getting Donald Trump’s “Make America Great Again” presidential campaign slogan tattooed around his own asshole.

Abel Azcona, a queer performance artists who’s participated in or individually performed 500 projects around the world, got the tattoo done at the Defibrillator Gallery in Chicago.

His reasons for this extreme act of bravery(?) are best heard in full, from the man himself. Azcona told the Huffington Post:

“I always worked my body as a weapon and a political tool. For more than 12 years I have been performing political and social performances and exhibitions that have led me to jail, detention or death threats. I believe in the empowerment of the body and of the pain. The anus is a pleasure zone for many people, and an area of sin for others. I think demystifying what the anus is, and writing a fascist political motto like that in my anus, is a clearly critical and subversive action.

“I believe that all of us who consider ourselves different should never be silent. We must attack. We must use our body as a weapon of empowerment. We are faggots, women, Mexicans, blacks and different. And we are brave. Art is the greatest critical, social and political weapon I know.”

Truly empowering words from an activist whose butthole is likely very sore.


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Brett Ratner Calls Out Rotten Tomatoes As Total Crap

A note to all film critics and fanboys: Brett Ratner really isn’t a fan of Rotten Tomatoes.

Talking at the Sun Valley Film Festival last weekend, Ratner made it clear he wasn’t against film criticism or open discussions regarding a movie’s merits. Rather, Ratner was frustrated by the aggregation of those reviews the website Rotten Tomatoes provides and the sort of declarative statement it can make on a film’s success.

Here’s what Ratner said via EW:

The worst thing that we have in today’s movie culture is Rotten Tomatoes. I think it’s the destruction of our business. I have such respect and admiration for film criticism. When I was growing up film criticism was a real art. And there was intellect that went into that. And you would read Pauline’s Kael’s reviews, or some others, and that doesn’t exist anymore. Now it’s about a number. A compounded number of how many positives vs. negatives. Now it’s about, ‘What’s your Rotten Tomatoes score?’ And that’s sad, because the Rotten Tomatoes score was so low on Batman v Superman I think it put a cloud over a movie that was incredibly successful.

It’s worth breaking down the specificity of Ratner’s Batman v Superman mention. Ratner’s company RatPac Entertainment co-financed Zack Snyder’s Batman v Superman (as well as other Warner Bros. features).

And as EW mentions, Batman v Superman is an “incredibly successful” movie in a financial sense. It cost about $250 million to make and grossed more than $900 million worldwide. On Rotten Tomatoes, it was a major disappointment with its 27 percent score, though it did score 63 percent audience score.

More Ratner via EW:

People don’t realize what goes into making a movie like that. It’s mind-blowing. It’s just insane, it’s hurting the business, it’s getting people to not see a movie. In Middle America it’s, ‘Oh, it’s a low Rotten Tomatoes score so I’m not going to go see it because it must suck.’ But that number is an aggregate and one that nobody can figure out exactly what it means, and it’s not always correct. I’ve seen some great movies with really abysmal Rotten Tomatoes scores. What’s sad is film criticism has disappeared. It’s really sad.

Doing their due diligence, EW reached out to Rotten Tomatoes regarding Ratner’s comments. What’s surprising is RT Vice President Jeff Voris sort of agreed with Ratner in his statement.

Via EW:

At Rotten Tomatoes, we completely agree that film criticism is valuable and important, and we’re making it easier than it has ever been for fans to access potentially hundreds of professional reviews for a given film or TV show in one place. The Tomatometer score, which is the percentage of positive reviews published by professional critics, has become a useful decision-making tool for fans, but we believe it’s just a starting point for them to begin discussing, debating and sharing their own opinions.

So maybe don’t just check the numbers next time on Rotten Tomatoes?


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With ‘The Heart Part IV,’ Kendrick Lamar Reminds Hip Hop The King Is Back

Kendrick Lamar is the greatest rapper alive because he’s the only one who flips the game on its head every time he rhymes. This is not hyperbole. Last year, Kendrick was featured on projects by Isaiah Rashad, Travis $cott, Sia, A Tribe Called Quest, The Weeknd, Beyoncé, DJ Khaled, Kanye West, Danny Brown, and more. (We don’t acknowledge that uninspired, unctuous Maroon 5 verse, because top 40 radio doesn’t either.) That is a who’s who of pop and rap, both commercial and underground.

Consistently Kendrick is contextually great on these songs—he graphs himself into the track’s DNA, then chooses from his litany of styles (melodic, possessed Gemini, that weird alien voice he does, west-coast funkman, etc.) and raps in a way that elevates the whole record, not just himself. He is both rap’s greatest team player and its best talent, and every time we forget the latter, every time we forget about “King Kendrick,” he drops a track like “The Heart Part 4.”

Now we don’t really care about the subliminal shots aimed the direction of Big Sean and Drake in the track because we don’t really care about rap feuds and beefs outside the 24-hour news cycle excitement of their release. Unless names are mentioned, subs are such a blatantly transparent marketing strategy today (and perhaps always were), and rarely produce memorable songs, just fun moments. (Since we’re here: Nas’ “Ether” throws and lands better punches but Jay Z’s “Takeover” is a better overall song, and therefore will always be the winner in that battle.) Make no mistake: “The Heart Part 4” is a really fun moment.

But it’s also a great standalone record. Kendrick tells you he’s the best alive—“Yellin’, ‘One, two, three, four, five / I am the greatest rapper alive’ ”—but he also shows you. As the track’s production flips about four or five different times, top hat rhythms appearing the dissolving away while different voices echo and answer Kendrick’s rhymes, and not once does K.Dot fall off the beat. Instead he drives it faster and further, recklessly swinging away as the production twists and turns in a way somewhat reminiscent of Meek Mill’s “Dreams and Nightmares” intro. Almost everything that qualifies Kendrick as great he displays in full here.

Plus, yes, the raps are the type of incendiary bars we’ve come to expect from K.Dot. “You jumped sides on me, now you ’bout to meet Westbrook” might just inspire Russ to evolve from his current demigod status into, like, a legendary Pokémon (my guess is Mewtwo). “I said it’s like that, drop one classic, came right back / ‘Nother classic, right back / My next album, the whole industry on the ice pack” is a boast no other rapper from the New School, like Drake, Big Sean, J. Cole, could make. And that bit of him re-writing his verses in beat, audible paper crumbling, showcasing his pursuit toward perfection, is a huge flex, elevating him further past any rapper accused of ghostwriting.

It should be mentioned this isn’t exactly a new move for Kendrick Lamar. Last time he released a track in his “The Heart” series, “The Heart Part 3,” and finished the fusillade of possessed bars by naming a date, that day brought us good kid, m.A.A.d. city. This time he calls out April 7. If  “The Heart Part 4” was an excellent chess move in the hip hop game, that day could be rap’s checkmate.


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Gossip: Internet Pissed At Kylie Jenner’s Makeup Co. For Latest Blunder; Kris Jenner Planning New Animated Kardashian Series

Kylie Jenner’s makeup company, Kylie Cosmetics, is in hot water again.

The lip kit queen is getting blasted with hate after revealing the names of her five matte blushes. Ranging in colors from fuchsia to pale pink, the new line of products, which goes on sale this Friday (March 24, 2017), features cheeky and titillating monikers like “X-Rated” and “Hot and Bothered.”

However, fans were not pleased when Jenner unveiled a blush named “Barely Legal” and another one dubbed “Virginity.” Taking to Twitter, many accused the 19-year-old of blatantly using sex to sell.

Kris Jenner Planning New Animated Kardashian Series Featuring Kim And Her Sisters

Their hugely popular fly on the wall reality show helped turn Kim Kardashian and her extended family into household names.

But after ten years, thirteen seasons and numerous spin-off shows, negotiations are reportedly underway to develop an animated series based on the successful Keeping Up with the Kardashians template.

TMZ claim family matriarch Kris Jenner has held talks with Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein in a bid to pitch an outline for the proposed show.

While Kim, and her sisters – Kourtney, Khloé and Kendall and Kylie Jenner – will reportedly join a host of familiar faces should the animated series go into development, transgender father Caitlyn Jenner will not be involved.

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