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Watch This Guy Try Not To Lose It While Eating ‘World’s Spiciest Noodles’

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Why someone would want to subject themselves to intentional pain is anyone’s guess, but that doesn’t make watching a guy almost die from consuming something potentially fatal any less entertaining. Enter the ‘World’s Spiciest Noodles.’

Case in point: YouTube’s Awesome Eats. In the video below, he goes balls out and orders what he claims are the spiciest noodles in the world from a restaurant dedicated to Indomie goreng. The noodle dish is something that translates to “death” on the restaurant’s make-shift Scoville chart; a dish embellished with 100 Birds Eye chilies, which are less hot than a habenero, but much spicier than a jalapeño.

Awesome Eats tries his best to keep it together while eating this hazard, enduring intense pain that seems to come in waves. Ultimately, he describes his experience as the “shittiest feeling in the world,” and says “this is the last time I’m eating spicy food for a stupid show like this.” Your move, Awesome Eats.

UPDATE: the original video has been taken down, so in its place, we present a highlight reel:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXvtuteHYGU

 

Dad Accidentally Eats 4 Weed Brownies From Son’s Stash, Disses Cat

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It’s a tale as old as time: A dad minding his own business accidentally eats four weed brownies and ends up crawling on the ground in a panic, where he encounters the family cat and calls her a bitch.

This spectacular event took place the other evening in Omaha. The Omaha World-Herald reports the 53-year-old man discovered and ate the brownies while he was unloading groceries from a car that his adult children had used—and apparently left a plate of weed-enhanced brownies in—earlier.

Sometime later, when the man and his wife were watching television, the man complained of “bad anxiety.” After trying and failing to reach their children to ask what was in the brownies, the wife called 911. Responding officers discovered an unusual scene. From the World-Herald:

Paramedics called to the scene who checked the man found his vital signs to be normal. But they noted he was displaying odd behavior — crawling around on the floor, randomly using profanities and calling the family cat “a bitch.”

The man told paramedics he felt like “he’s trippin’.”

The man was helped to his bedroom, where he crawled into bed and was told to call 911 if the trippin’ got worse. According to a police report, one of the couple’s sons later came home and told police  “pretty sure it was just marijuana in the brownies.”

Dads everywhere: next time you over-indulge, here are some tips on how to stay chill.

Ramen Is Now More Valuable Than Cigarettes In Prison

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It should come as no surprise that a calorie-dense meal that’s easy to obtain and even easier to make is basically edible dollar signs to a prisoner. And now it’s a more wanted commodity than even tobacco.

A doctoral candidate at the University of Arizona’s school of sociology dug deep into the subject of prison currency and found that the shift from previous “gold standard” valuables (stamps, envelopes, tobacco) to food magnifies the decline of nutritional quality in prisons. Nobody wants to eat the slop being served behind bars.

The popularity of ramen is nothing new. One inmate, Gustavo Alvarez, even wrote a cookbook on the subject, featuring recipes from formerly incarcerated celebs, like Slash and Shia Lebouf.

Alvarez told NPR how prisoners improvise to make meals out of instant noodles, saying:

In most cases, if you’re lucky enough to know somebody that works in the kitchen, they can bring you back some raw onions, maybe some chives, some jalapenos, fresh vegetables. And then there’s times when you don’t have much but tap water, a bag of Cheetos — Flamin’ Hot Cheetos at that — and a couple of soups. And you know what? You make a little tamale.

We now live in an age where prisoners are bumming cigarettes off one another, not to smoke, but to buy noodles.

Fresh Playlist: Arcade Fire, Joey Badass Get Political On Inauguration Day

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With new music flying like warp-speed through the various channels of the tnternet, it can be hard to keep up. But worry not. We’re here to deliver the most-discussed and exciting songs that you need for the weekend.

Arcade Fire ft. Mavis Staples—“I Give You Power”

As a group, spaces of refuge has always interested Arcade Fire. Singer Win Butler’s voice, though manipulated through various projects, hints toward oxymoron: fragile, yet resilient. Hopeful and cynical. Lost, but of a place. But through their empathic viewpoints, Arcade Fire finds the reason in both arguments and lands in the shared sliver of self-created Venn diagrams.

A space of refuge, somewhere between our current reality and reality TV, is what many may need in these times. Backed by a growling Mavis Staples, “I Give You Power” argues for individual empowerment and how much influence on has within and outside themselves. Mavis Staples chanting “Watch Me” at song’s end is downright militaristic in its force and fortitude.

As Butler told Beats 1’s Zane Lowe, “I talked to Mavis last night and she said, ‘Now more than ever we just need to hold onto each other.’ For us it’s a feeling of solidarity—to not feel powerless and focus on what we can do as individuals and try to do our part.”

Joey Bada$$—“Land  of the Free”

Talking with co-workers recently, we all were interested—and kind of excited—to see how artists might respond under a Donald Trump presidency. Judging from Arcade Fire and Joey Bada$$, the question comes with various answers. Both argue for a sense of community from the people, though Joey is quietly indignant on this funky track.

Maggie Rogers—“On + Off”


Thanks to her debut single “Alaska,” a precious twist on folk featuring contemporary programmed drums, Maggie Rogers earned some warranted attention from indie tastemakers. Her latest upbeat single “On + Off” showcases the versatility of the singer, her talent not really of or contained within a specific genre.

Migos—“What The Price”

Without a doubt, a clarity and hunger reverberates through the Migos’ latest releases. Though “What the Price” is more subtle and laidback, it’s nonetheless caustic. This track, like “Bad and Boujee,” display that energetic union only this group can pull off. (Example: Takeoff raps, “I’ma go find me a better route / That bullshit and cap you can leave it out” and Quavo responds in ad-lib, “cap.” It’s genius in execution.) Culture is shaping up to be a very enticing record.

Gorillaz ft. Benjamin Clementine—“Hallelujah Money”


In their first song in six years, the Gorillaz teamed up with Benjamin Clementine to attack the uncertainty and unrest floating in the air. It’s unclear whether this record will be featured on their long-awaited fifth album, said to be coming out this year, but it’s clear the years haven’t dulled the group’s subversive wit and precision.

They’re All Winners: Introducing The Best Animal Fails Of 2016

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Some of the best photography is a beautiful accident. A photographer aims to capture one thing, and ends up snatching something completely different in the process. In the case of The Comedy Wildlife Photo Awards, that thing is usually hilarious.

Established by a wildlife conservation organization, the CWPA is “a photography competition that [is] light hearted, upbeat, possibly unpretentious and mainly about wildlife doing funny things.”

Amazing Internet Portfolio Winner Mario Fiorucci; Photo courtesy of Comedy Wildlife Photo Awards

The Overall Winner this year was Angela Bohlke, who caught a fox face-planting in the snow shot in Yellowstone National Park. She also received the top prize in the On the Land category for her efforts.

“The picture shows a red fox hunting for his morning breakfast, a small rodent, known as a vole,” Bohlke said. “This photograph is from one of the times he unfortunately, however, hilariously missed. On the third try, he finally succeeded.”

Kenya Airways In the Air Winner Nicolas de Vaulx; Photo courtesy of Comedy Wildlife Photo Awards

Other winners include Taiwan’s Jim Chen in the Underwater Category for his photo of a painted frog fish for slapping another in the face. The In the Air winner was Nicholas de Vaulx, who snapped a photo of a pelican dropping his catch mid-flight to some pretty funny results.

However fun the photos may be, the CWPAs does promote a serious message of raising awareness to protect the environments of our world, as well as its animals.

Underwater Category Winner Jim Chen; Photo courtesy of Comedy Wildlife Photo Awards

“Animals can make you laugh without even knowing why. It is the anthropomorphic behavior,” Judge Tom Sullam said. “There is also such a broad range of animals, from so many countries, that it really raises the awareness of conservation on a global scale.”

Alanis Morissette’s Manager Embezzles For Marijuana

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What in the heck? Alanis’s Morissette’s manager embezzles for marijuana?  Maybe if he had just asked?

Morissette‘s one-time business manager is headed behind bars after admitting to embezzling nearly $5 million from the singer-singer and investing the money in illegal California marijuana grow operation, according to the U.S. Attorney’s Office.

Morissette shot into stardom in the 1990s with pop hits “Ironic” and “You Oughta Know.”

According to documents filed this week, Jonathan Todd Schwartz, working for GSO Business Management, committed wire fraud and falsified tax returns from 2o1o to 2014.

In addition, Schwartz admitted in a plea agreement to embezzling $4.8 million from Morissette and another $1.7 million from celebrity clients.

Under the plea agreement, Schwartz will serve a four- to six-year prison sentence and must pay $8.2 million in restitution.

The disgraced money manager also copped to falsifying Morissette’s signature to withdraw funds from her bank accounts and lying to his client about how the money was spent, according to the court documents.

“When confronted about the missing funds, defendant falsely stated that the money was an ‘investment’ in illegal marijuana ‘grow’ businesses and that he and other GSO employees, none of whom defendant could identify, had delivered the cash to people, also unidentified, associated with the marijuana businesses,” the plea agreement stated.

In one incident, Schwartz tried to hide his crime by suggesting he’d committed a different one altogether.

“When confronted about the missing funds, defendant falsely stated that the money was an ‘investment’ in illegal marijuana ‘grow’ businesses and that he and other GSO employees, none of whom defendant could identify, had delivered the cash to people, also unidentified, associated with the marijuana businesses,” the plea agreement said.

“Schwartz was caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar,” said IRS agent Anthony J. Orlando.

Deirdre Fike, assistant director in charge of the FBI’s Los Angeles office, said “Mr. Schwartz was hired to protect his clients’ money by managing it professionally, but instead misappropriated millions to enrich himself.”

According to GSO, Schwartz no longer works for the agency. “Never in our 38 years has anything like this happened at GSO,” said Chris Reeder, an attorney representing GSO.

More stories

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Time To Feel Old: Sir Mix-a-Lot Talks About The 25th Anniversary of ‘Baby Got Back’

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Sir Mix A Lot has made the big booty immortal. When you hear, “Oh my god, look at her…” you know instantly what’s about to happen: someone has a mic by their mouth and they’re about to shout the words, “I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE!” It happens at weddings, karaoke bars, in the club. The song, “Baby Got Back” will live forever.


Sir Mix A Lot – Baby Got Back (1992) by fantomasdj

But what you didn’t know, maybe, is that the song is 25 years old this May.

Twenty. Five.

That’s older than most of you reading this sentence. That’s older than just about everyone taking Intro to Psyche in every college in America. That’s four years older than the legal drinking age. And seven years older than adulthood. 25! And because of this glorious be-cheeked silver anniversary, we wanted to ask Mix a little bit about the song, why he wrote it and what, in his mind, is the jam’s legacy.

Have you thought about the fact that “Baby Got Back” is 25 years old?

It’s interesting; I have thought about it. We’re doing a line of merch – so many people steel lines from “Baby Got Back” and make money off it. It makes me mad sometimes. But we’re going to do some things that are a little different. I also had a dream of doing a re-record of the song but whenever you do that to a song people think is “classic,” it always gets you in trouble with your fans so we decided to leave it alone.

But I do think about it. It’s amazing. That a song like that is still around. I’ve learned lessons from other people who’ve abandoned their big hits. I told myself I’d never do that. The song keeps living!

What’s the song you might write today if you were 25 years younger?

Whatever it is, that song probably wouldn’t get a lot of traction. You have to remember the climate in which I wrote “Baby Got Back.” In 1992 the American standard of beautify was the Spuds MacKenzie girls – popsicle sticks, stop signs – that was American beauty. That’s how it was defined.

But the song bucked the system. It was tongue in cheek. And black women immediately said, “It’s about time!” White women with curves said, “It’s about time!” Everyone. It was almost a movement for a while. Then it became the norm. If I were to write that song now – assuming what happened then would have taken place just the same; women know men love asses now!

Most hits are lucky. I wrote a song that was supposed to be for certain people and it ended up being for everybody.

You have to remember, when you saw African American women on TV other than Clair Huxtable, they were either overweight maids, on syrup bottles or she was a prostitute. That was it. I wanted to write a song. I did it consciously, where I was talking about this woman — I wanted to hit it, but I couldn’t. I wanted to make her that queen.

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One Love: Watch A 5-Year-Old Boy Play With Baby Gorilla At A Zoo

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Earlier this month, a father uploaded a cute video of his five-year-old son playing with a baby gorilla at the Fort Worth Zoo. In the clip, the boy walks and runs back and forth in the gorilla section of the zoo as a baby gorilla appears to occasionally mimic him. The baby gorilla even seems to fall down when the boy does.

“My five-year-old Riley spent an hour or so playing with this 13-month-old gorilla at the Fort Worth Zoo,” the boy’s parents wrote online, according to Newsflare. “The gorilla would copy him and he would do the same. The daddy, Elmo, seemed perturbed by the entire ordeal.”

Watch the full video, via the Daily Mail, below

“Sex Cruise” For Nudists And Swingers Sets Sail In September

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If you love cruises but have always hated that there’s not enough open sex stuff on board, we have some great news: The Desire Cruise—described as a couples-only, clothing-optional “high-end, sensual yet spicy experience” — is setting sail this September.

The cruise will begin in the Adriatic Sea and end in Venice, Italy. The “entertainment” on board includes activities and parties like “Sexual Scrabble,” “Sensual Superheroes,” “Naughty Nautical,” and “Golf pros and tennis hoes.”

Screenshot via Desire Cruises

There’s also something called the Signature Playroom. From the cruise’s website as:

You will feel the electrical currents pulsate through your body, as you mix & mingle with like-minded couples in a healthy, sophisticated, erotic playground for adventurers. We invite you to take your relationship to the next level, by living out your forbidden fantasies at sea, in our Signature Playroom.

And a private jacuzzi lounge:

Enter our private, clothing-optional spa deck, with bubbling salt water bath and powerful jets that massage you as you soak up the view in the company of other like-minded couples seeking to fulfill their fantasies. This private, intimate hotspot combines cool sophistication with steamy sensuality.

And, of course, a clothing-optional pool area:

Our clothing-optional pool area provides nothing but hot n´ steamy fun, as the leader in day life aboard “Venice Foreplay”. Desire Cruises continues its infamous reign with an amplified & progressive poolside experience that is all about making waves. So accessorize your sexy self with a carefree attitude, as our Dream Team brings the action to this holiday hotspot.

If you’re busy this fall, we have more good news: The Daily Star reports another sex boat/Desire Cruise is setting sail in April 2018.

Watch This Cat Tell His Owner He Wants A Head Scratch Right “Now”

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Most people would tell you dogs are smarter than cats. And sure, dogs seem to be capable of more “smart” things than cats, like responding to their name and fetch. But are they better at speaking English? After watching the below video, which shows a cat saying he wants his head scratched right “now,” you are likely to say that cats, or at least this cat, are better at speaking English and perhaps even most languages than dogs are.

“What do we want?” the cat’s owner chants in the brief clip as his orange cat jumps onto a table. “Head scratches! When do we want them?”

“Now,” the cat says.

Amazing.

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