Cupcakes illicit all sorts of euphoria. But on a day when it’s your CIVIC DUTY to eat one, the feelings of joy can be overwhelming. In honor of National Cupcake Day (Dec. 15), here are some dogs that exhibit the feelings we have a hard time expressing when confronted with frosting.
No, I didn’t hold a joint in my nether regions. I sprayed two squirts of THC-infused coconut oil onto my vagina… and that’s how I got my vagina high.
Recently I got my vagina stoned. No, I didn’t do some impressive kegels where I held a joint in my nether regions. Instead, I sprayed two squirts of THC-infused coconut oil onto my vagina… and waited.
I was introduced to “magic vagine oil,” as my friend calls it, at a boat party. We were sitting there, having a great lady chat, when she stood up and asked, “Who wants to make their vagina feel tingly?” Like a good dealer, she had samples of her product for every woman there. Not a shy bunch, we proceeded to stand in the middle of a body of water and rub oil that smells like weed onto our junk. Like ladies do.
Afterwards, we were told that it would take thirty to sixty minutes in order to feel the weed oil’s effects. However, since we weren’t actually touching ourselves in a kind of female circle jerk– you wish!– it is hard to tell how much our lady bits were being affected. One woman, however, looked particularly happy while sitting on the floor of the boat. She told me to join her, and I realized that I was particularly sensitive to the vibrations of the boat.
Turns out, boats are the world’s most expensive vibrators.
Yet I wasn’t fully satisfied. I wanted a more intense experience. That’s how I ended up in Union Square Park, huddling under my umbrella during a downpour, trying to find my vagina weed dealer. Oh, the things we do for drugs.
Once I finally made it home and dried myself off, it was time to get wet again. In a different way. I pulled down my shorts, put five good squirts of weed oil onto my hand, and rubbed it all over. “Inright, outright, upright, downright, happy all the time,” as the kids in Bible School say.
At this point, I have to give you some insider info about my anatomy. I’m one of the five to ten percent of women who identify as anorgasmic. In other words, I can feel a whole bunch of pleasure with my bits, but have never experienced a large climax.
That’s why I was so excited about the THC-infused oil. The stuff is supposed to produce results. It even has a legal equivalent, Foria Pleasure, which is sold in California. The product is described as “a therapeutic oil designed to enhance female pleasure and is made with all natural liquid coconut oil (MCT) and purified pharmaceutical-grade cannabis oil.”
According to the Foria website, “younger, more sexually active women often reported an overall heightened and intensified experience, both leading up to and including orgasm, older testers have reported a sense of reconnection with their sexuality, a greater ease in accessing climax followed by a restful night’s sleep.” In other words, your vagina gets high, while your brain stays clear of the paranoia that can often be associated with smoking weed. Obviously, I am excited to give my *cough* illegal New York version a test drive.
Trying not to get my orgasmic hopes up too high, I coated my vagina and vulva in the oil, waited 45 minutes, and then put on some porn.
(What? Who said that? I am a lady!)
I don’t want to tease you, so I’ll say upfront that I didn’t have a mind-blowing orgasm. But that’s okay. That’s my standard experience. However, I did experience heightened sexual pleasure, and for me, that’s a big deal. My vagina and vulva are far more sensitive to the touch, and I feel hornier in general. In fact, I am aroused as much as when someone else is there with me… but I’m having solo sexy time. Cue “Feelin’ Myself.”
Overall, I recommend getting your vag stoned. Especially if you live in California, where you can purchase Floria without the hassle of meeting a weed dealer in the pouring rain.
A word of caution: do not use this product if you want to have sex with latex condoms afterwards. The coconut oil will degrade the latex, and you’ll be too worried about getting pregnant to enjoy yourself. So when your vagina gets the munchies, don’t feed it a dick. Go get some chips, relax, and let your man do all the work, instead.
Rounding out the Top 5 most searched recipes: Brussels sprouts, hashbrown casserole, guacamole and chicken marsala.
Say what you will about retro foods. They may be artery clogging, GMO-laced and not nearly as Instargrammable as that rainbow bagel you just inhaled, but they’re making a comeback. Google has unveiled its Year In Search for 2016 and green bean casserole topped the list of recipe searches in the U.S.. That’s a huge departure from last year’s winner: pumpkin seeds.
Rounding out the Top 5 most searched recipes: Brussels sprouts, hashbrown casserole, guacamole and chicken marsala. The top cocktail searches are way less diverse.
For the second year in a row, sangria tops the list (it ranked third in 2014) followed by martini, strawberry daiquiri, Sex on the Beach and mojito. Apparently, Spring Break is year-round for some people.
Here’s where things get interesting. The beer searches reveal consumers are becoming way more curious about craft beer. Budweiser came it at number one, where it’s been since 2014. And, yes, Coors is close behind. But in third place we have Treehouse Brewing, followed by Delirium Tremons (this could actually be referring to ethanol withdrawal, but our money is on the Belgium beer) and Snake Venom beer. Last year, Gose and grapefruit beers ranked high (no Coors in sight). These recent results are a complete departure from those just two years ago, where Budweiser, Corono, Keystone, Miller and Blue Moon ruled the Top 5.
Lest we forget about food guilt, calorie searches are a cornerstone of internet sleuthing. And this year, the Top 5 results reflect our collective attempts to try and be healthier. And boring. Most people wanted to know how many calories are packed into a Big Mac (if you have to ask, you probably shouldn’t eat one). But after that, it’s a downward spiral into another, way less caloric world: Coors, quinoa, a glass of wine and eggplant. Sounds like a really sad dinner for two. For comparison, we were much more carefree and loose with our food choices last year. Top calorie searches included: Toasted Graham Latte (introduced by Starbucks in September 2015), followed by Palm Breeze, Starbucks Flat White, Grilled Stuft Nachos (upon their triumphant return to Taco Bell) and Little Caesars Bacon Wrapped Deep Dish. It’s a safe assumption that we considered 2015 our binge year.
Even in the time of Trump, it’s a bad idea to publicly accept an inflatable sex doll at a major industry event if you’re a prominent politician. Alas, this was a lesson learned too late by Economy Minister Luis Felipe Cespedes. The Chilean politician is sorry he posed with inflatable sex doll.
Tuesday night, Cespedes appeared at the annual dinner for Chile’s Manufacturers’ and Exporters Association, where Roberto Fantuzzi, the head of the association, gave him the inflatable sex toy. The “joke” appears to be the sign pasted over the doll’s mouth, which read “To stimulate the economy” in Spanish.
Si Bachelet no le pide la renuncia a Luis Felipe Céspedes, la señal es super clara: Nos vulneran a diario y no importa. #Asexma. Y Guillier👎 pic.twitter.com/9EPQg1CjvW
— Ballestrinque ☔ | Arriba de la Jaraneta (@NicoChiessa) December 14, 2016
Para quien no lo conoce, el min de economía, Luis Felipe Cespedes, es el de traje gris, que está punteando una mona inflable #Asexmapic.twitter.com/gxeBn0a2tw
“What a shameful job to hand an inflatable doll to Minister Cespedes ‘to stimulate the economy,”’journalist Consuelo Saavedra wrote on Twitter.
President Michelle Bachelet also weighed in on Twitter. ”The fight for respect for women has been a key principle of my two terms in office. What happened at the Asexma dinner can’t be tolerated,” she wrote.
Cespedes has since apologized, saying he was “caught by surprise” by the reaction, according to the BBC. Fantuzzi has also apologized.
Although the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) did issue a “new code” for cannabis extracts earlier this week, the media blew this news out of proportion by suggesting that Uncle Sam had essentially renewed the War on Weed by making cannabidiol or CBD a Schedule I drug.
However, the CBD compound, as well as any other part of the cannabis plant, is and always has been classified Schedule I under the Controlled Substances Act.
Panic Will Get Us Nowhere
The latest action by the DEA, which was published on Wednesday in the Federal Register under the title “Establishment of a New Drug Code for Marihuana Extract,” has created a veritable shitstorm within the world of marijuana news coverage over the course of the past 24 hours, with several reports coming down from popular sites like the Huffington Post and the International Business Times claiming the federal drug agency has now made it illegal for seizure patients to enjoy the benefits of CBD medicine.
Yet the demonizing spine behind the coverage of this event managed to hoodwink the masses, causing an uprising on the social media over the newfound illegality of this non-intoxicating component of the cannabis plant. But it seems some journalists and readers alike failed to take into consideration one of the most important aspects of the DEA’s latest stance. It hasn’t changed.
“Extracts of marihuana will continue to be treated as Schedule I controlled substances,” the last line in the entry reads.
Since marijuana is listed a Schedule I dangerous drug under the Controlled Substances Act, anything derived from the cannabis plant (yes, even CBD) is considered Schedule I. As a matter of fact, the DEA even has two separate codes for the cannabis plant’s primary compounds – THC and CBD – which puts them individually in the ranking of a Schedule I drug.
Nothing Has Changed
Basically, the latest entry in the Federal Register is meant to serve as a clarification on the DEA’s position within the realm of cannabis extracts, but it does nothing to change the guts of the law with respect to the CBD compound – it’s still illegal the same as it always has been.
Fortunately, the overzealous reports on this subject from the Huffington Post appears to have been shut down, but misconstrued news of this magnitude has a way of coursing through the veins of the world wide web at the rate of a highly contagious virus that will almost ensure we are still hearing about how the “DEA just made CBD illegal” for at least another year.
YouTube star David Parody made a video showing us all how not to do the holidays (unless we’re totally not sober).
Parodying those “cheap vs. expensive” Buzzfeed videos, he created a video in which he uses more than $100 worth of ingredients to make the ultimate sundae, with McDonald’s Turtle sundae standing in as the defender in this completely rigged bout.
The rapacious bowl is filled with ice cream, ice cream bars, cookies, $100 worth of Godiva chocolate, two types of eggnog, rum, candy, Nutella, and chocolate sauce. It’s topped with one of those huge eggs with a toy inside, which he cracks open at the end.
Anyway, here’s something for your holiday party Pinterest board.
Human error is a frustrating, yet accepted and somewhat necessary component of natural life. But if anything is clear in recent years, a certain attitude pervades technology leaders around the world: natural life sucks.
Here at The Fresh Toast, we’ve documented the machines steadily winning against humanity. Is it techno-paranoia that flows through our membranes? No, this article — written on a laptop, powered by free coffee shop WiFi, uploaded to a cloud server, and edited across Slack/email channels — wouldn’t be possible otherwise. But techno-caution? Yes, we have that.
The latest example raising our eyebrow is called Tally. It’s an AI robot that measures retail shelves, analyzing if an item is missing. All with the quick download of a retail store’s layout — which most shop owners already have — Tally can roam the aisles, recording when a product needs restocking, ensuring customers will always be able to buy Doritos or Mountain Dew whenever they want.
Automating routine work for retailers will save large amounts of lost revenue for owners. According to the analyst firm IHL Service, retailers lose potentially billions of dollars due to missing product, messy shelves, or items not being where they’re supposed to be.
Brad Bogolea, CEO and cofounder of Simbe Robotics, says his company’s robot can scan the shelves of a small store, like a modest CVS or Walgreens, in about an hour. A very large retailer might need several robots to patrol its premises. He says the robot will be offered on a subscription basis but did not provide the pricing. Bogolea adds that one large retailer is already testing the machine.
Tally resembles a column-shaped robot resting atop a platform, roaming around beige tiles on its four wheels. Through restocking automation, Simbe Robotics believes it will allow employees to focus on more important efforts, like customer service.
However its real-world application has received some push back. Joe Jones was involved with iRobot and Harvest Automation as a robotics engineer and entrepreneur. Here’s what he told the Technology Review: “In a real-world environment the robot may not behave as effectively as it does in the lab or even in a supportive beta test site.”
Can robots function in the natural world? It doesn’t matter, because they’re coming anyways.
Correction: This article has been updated to reflect that Tally stock the retail shelves, but rather takes inventory of the shelves.
Snapchat is one of those inventions that has taken the world by storm. Like Facebook did back in the day Snapchat has tapped into this generation’s brain, taking their desire to document their life one step further and making it all the more personal. Snapchat is the social media platform that young people use more regularly and that has the most personality of all, drawing polarizing reactions from crowds. Odds are you’re either a Snapchat lover or a hater.
The company, now called Snap, announced their first gadget, Spectacles, back in September and made it clear that they’re planning on expanding and developing more stuff that will not be limited to the constraints of your smartphone. The glasses allow you to record short videos while having your hands-free and without having to pull your phone out. These videos have a round frame, which differentiates it from recordings from your phone and also looks pretty cool.
Spectacles have become the new hard-to-get item during this holiday season. Sold initially through Bots, which are cute-but-weird vending machines with happy faces on them, Spectacles cost $129 a pair and look sleek and discreet, very different than the futuristic look Google Glass tried to pull. The Snapchat glasses are designed to look cool enough that people know what they are, but not crazy enough that they will make you look like an asshole.
The Snapchat Bots will make random and short appearances throughout the US, which are announced every 24 hours on this map (is there only one Bot in the world? What is going on here?).
Taking advantage of the Holiday season, Spectacles has opened up a store in New York, the one place in the world known for having people who are happily willing to queue up and wait in line. The store is located on Fifth Avenue and is rumored to stay there throughout New Years Eve. The wait times range from an hour to six, but hey, at least you’ll get this season’s hottest holiday item.
We don’t want to get into the debate over whether cats or dogs make better pets. Both animals have their pluses and minuses, and we’ve covered both more or less equally. That said, there’s no question which one is the bigger jerk in this particular video, which shows a cat named Kiwi pawing around in the snow before his dog friend named Katniss comes along to ruin everything by smashing the cat’s face completely into the snow.
The video was filmed in early December in Quebec, Canada by Lindsay Roy-Bernatchez, who posted the clip to Facebook and YouTube where it has been viewed 290,000 and 601,000 times respectively. Watch when bad dogs pushes cat’s head in the snow!
What we don’t see is the aftermath of the brutal snow dunk. Did Kiwi get his revenge and swat Katniss on the nose? Did Katniss dunk Kiwi again? Did Lindsay intervene? We may never know, but we do know that this is a video worth watching.
Oftentimes viewed as “natural enemies” because of their diametrically opposed roles in the wild kingdom, cats and dogs cohabitated not-so-peacefully in Africa for thousands of years before they were domesticated by humans — at which time it seems that they continued to be at odds with each other.
They’ve got piles of rolling papers, more grinders lost in the couch cushions than they can count, and glass lining the walls. What do you get the cannabis lover who’s already got it all covered?
Please don’t give them another pair of socks with marijuana leaves on them. Try one of these unique gifts, and get ready to be the MVP of your next smoke-out.
A Greeting Card With A Surprise
Tell them you like the way they roll! Aside from being really clever and funny cards, Kush Kards have a slot for slipping a joint into the paper itself.
Your friend who’s always having people over have probably lost a few good lighters in their day. Those things have a way of walking out the door. Give them a lighter to fight for, like a custom engraved Zippo. Feel free to order one that says DO NOT STEAL if they’re too chill to say it for themselves.
MJ-Inspired Jewelry
Leave the leaf aside and get more with cannabis culture jewelry that’s so subtle, they could wear it to their stuffy workplace. This roach clip necklace, for example, is classy and a nod to those who know what’s up. Alternatively, let them start the conversation with a THC chemical compound necklace.
The best part of this gift: Once you’ve given it, you can indulge in it together. Try this Raspberry Shrub that incorporates marijuana tincture. Throw all of the ingreds—including glasses—into a nice basket, slap a bow on it, and you’re done!
Some Sentimental Glass
Maybe you’re friend has 30 different kinds of bowls, pipes and bongs, but do they have one that’s a glow-in-the-dark octopus, or one in the shape of her favorite Pokemon? Didn’t think so. If they’re a glass enthusiast, this is a gift you can never give too many of. Make it something meaningful to the both of you, and it’ll stand out amongst the rest of their glass treasures.
Coloring books are somehow still a thing—and we need more zenned out activities than ever. Combining the calm focus of a good high and coloring therapy sounds like a dream. Give them one of the tons of marijuana themed coloring books that are out there, plus a pack of crayons, and let the fun begin.
A Custom-Engraved Grinder
This is another one of those things every enthusiast already has, but that you can make sentimental. Custom engraved grinders, such as these wood burned creations, make a mundane task a little more special.
If they’re rolling on some old-ass takeout tray or a TV dinner plate from their grandma’s house, please do them a favor and gift a sophisticated rolling tray. Many are functional and beautiful enough to leave out on the coffee table 24/7. These on Etsy are shaped in various designs, and look more like works of art.
Take Them On An Experience
What’s better than all of the above, for the friend with everything? Making memories. You don’t have to go far or do a ton of planning to create a memorable time together. Tickets to museums, renting gear for a weekend camping trip, or a treat to the movies will all do nicely when you’re out of ideas. Read our guide for the best vacations and getaways to take for your social butterfly friend.
