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Check Out These 32 Marijuana Emojis For Your iPhone

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The people have spoken and they wanted marijuana emojis. “Pictures are worth a thousand texts,” said Stephen Rechif, founder of Bloom Room. “And the cannabis culture is done being muzzled.”

And with that, a new batch of 32 emojis are now available in the iOS App Store. As of this writing, the Bloommoji sticker pack is a free download. But the masterminds behind the marijuana-themed iconography say they plan to eventually set a 99-cent price.

RELATED: Are You Ready For Breastfeeding and T-Rex Emojis? ‘Cause Yeah, They’re Coming

On Monday, the sticker pack was launched by well-known San Francisco medical marijuana dispensary Bloom Room and marketing agency Bernal Heights Media Labs.

The emoji package “features San Francisco-specific images like the Golden Gate Bridge in a cloud of fog and a Transamerica Pyramid-shaped bong. Most of the other emoji will be pretty universal to smokers and tokers, like the green bud with purple crystals, smiley faces that appear to be very stoned, and the ubiquitous honey bear bong.”

But it’s not just a fun diversion. For those living in the Bay Area, Bloom Room will offer discounts on strains featured in the emoji pack, including Strawberry Cough and Gemstone. If you download the pack, you can get $15 off an eighth-ounce plus a free pre-rolled joint.

For those with Android phones, you’ll have to wait a while longer.

Building A Boilermaker: The Art Of Pairing Whiskey And Beer

This article originally appeared on The Whiskey Wash.

Today’s boilermaker is not your daddy’s shot-and-a-beer. No longer just a way to get buzzed fast, the incredible proliferation of new beers and new whiskies over the past 30 years has opened many doors for exciting new combinations based on flavor, geographic origin, and even cerebral concepts like stylistic resonance and shared philosophical underpinnings.

One of the reasons beer and whiskey pair so well is that they share many of the same ingredients – malted barley, yeast, and specialty grains. That means beers and whiskeys share some of the same flavors, albeit at very different strengths, which provides a great avenue for thinking about pairings: match beers with whiskeys that share compatible flavors. Here are a few suggestions for getting started:

Pilsner + Bourbon

Photo by Wkiernan via Wikimedia

Once represented almost entirely by brews from big producers (think Miller and Budweiser), the American Pilsner category has become much more diversified in the past 10 years. American pilsners can be divided into two major classes: pre-Prohibition or European style, which is made almost entirely from malted barley; and post-Prohibition style, which includes a significant percentage of adjunct grain to supplement the malted barley, often corn, rice, or a combination of the two. Corn and malted barley…sound familiar?

Pilsners are light, crisp, refreshing, making them a good foil for the spicy, caramel-like flavors of bourbon and rye. Low hop bitterness also accentuates the sweet flavors of American whiskey, bringing out the best in the spirit. Try Trumer Pils with George Dickel Rye, or Ninkasi Lux with Wild Turkey 101.

Stout or Porter + Smokey Whisky

The dark color of stouts and porters comes from heavily kilned malted barley, which gives them their sweet, roasty flavor and substantial mouth feel. Those qualities make dark beers a great pairing option for smoked spirits, including smoky craft American whiskey as well as peated Scotch whisky. Try WhiskeyBack Black with Laphroaig Quarter Cask, or Deschutes Black Butte Porter with Corsair Triple Smoke.

Ambers and ESBs

Malty and full-bodied, beer styles like amber, ESB, Scotch ale, and red ale are all versatile companions to whiskey. Sweet flavors in these beers accentuate the sweet, caramelized flavors that come from charred wood, making these a great companion to rye whiskey,

American single malts, unpeated Scotch, and even Irish whiskey. Try Widmer Brothers’ Drop Top Amber with Forty Creek Rye, or Pike Place Brewing’s Kilt Lifter with Cutty Sark Prohibition.

IPAs

Hops can easily overpower or clash with the flavors in whiskey while amplifying the alcoholic burn. That said, if you’re committed to pairing with IPA, try tasting it next to whiskeys with pronounced herbal or aromatic character, like rye whiskey, craft whiskeys made with alternative grains, or even a hopped whiskey like Amador Straight Hop-Flavored Whiskey or Pine Barrens American Single Malt.

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Why Chance the Rapper Has Already Won The Grammys

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What a name for an artist—Chance. Like all labels, all names creates an ethos that person eventually assumes. Surely you’ve met some with your same name. Did it surprise you the first time how similar you were? Did it shock you how suddenly competitive you were? It shouldn’t.

Of course Chance is short for Chance the Rapper. And Chance the Rapper is short for Lil’ Chano from 79th. All of which leads to Chancelor Bennett, a regal-sounding name if I’ve ever heard one. Your mind almost desires to include that extra “l,” call him Chancellor Bennett, and believe he’s some European royalty who slurps tea and slams biscuits.

But Chance isn’t someone who accepts any L’s. Not recently anyways. Since that crackling, warbling falsetto promised to “shield your name” on Kanye West’s “Ultralight Beam,” Chance can’t misfire. He also can’t stop working. To finish 2016 he dropped a surprise Christmas collaboration mixtape with Jeremih, full of jingles and jams. A week into the new year Chicago’s DuSable Museum of African American History named Chance and his father new members of their board. He also attended Barack Obama’s farewell party, modeled a “Thank You Obama” fashion line, and slated to perform at the Grammys.

This week he also (I know, I’m tired just typing out all this work) released the video to his Coloring Book standout “Same Drugs.” The track sounds like how memories of exes feel—melancholic exasperation wrapped in muffled longing. “Same Drugs” also captures nostalgia’s double-edge sword, its ability to shave away the gray and mundane, leaving lushes of strings and choirs so comforting, it’s easy getting lost. Chance’s voice is thin, yet full of anguish, wistful in analyzing just what the hell happened. “When did you forget how to fly?” he trills, the question fading almost as he asks it.

Chance may “speak of wondrous unfamiliar lessons from childhood,” but his recent brilliance is how he flutters between past and future so seamlessly. The song’s outro has Chance turning away, now looking forward, focusing on his “dandelion,” his daughter. The glum romantic transforms into a young father yearning toward the middle ground of that new oxymoron. Through its outro, “Same Drugs” becomes this pensive navigation of the spaces between adolescence and adulthood. How do you grow up without giving up? How to stay grounded, but remember how to fly? How to co-exist as both Chance and Chancelor?

When Chance decided to release the track’s music video, he of course chose an unorthodox route. He livestreamed it on Facebook Live, explaining how he approached other tech companies to do the same, but ultimately was denied. Facebook was the one company who obliged. Flashing a digital middle finger, he posted videos on his other social media platforms, promoting his Facebook livestream on the sites of Facebook’s competitors, i.e. Snapchat and Twitter. (The tweet has since been deleted.) Soon afterwards the video was available free elsewhere to watch.The one slip of Chance’s near-flawless Coloring Book run has been the mixtape’s videos. For someone so elastically creative, these visual accompaniments are surprisingly commonplace. “Same Drugs” fits within the lo-fi theater kid aesthetic Chance has executed better elsewhere—the “Sunday Candy” video and his Magnificent Coloring World Tour serving as prime examples of its arresting possibilities—but isn’t as moody or moving as the track itself, surviving mostly on Chance’s charisma. The video includes a new arrangement featuring Eryn Allen Kane, turning the song more into a duet, but like the video, it seems unrealized.

Undoubtedly though, the “Same Drugs” music video is another win for Chance. It further cements him as the lovable insider-outsider, someone who forces engagements on his own terms. We know his feelings toward record labels and he essentially taunted the Grammys into changing their rules and include mixtapes, namely his own.

Yet as his namesake warrants, it’s possible reading Chance as this walking contradiction. He isn’t Frank Ocean denying the Grammys outright, opting for the flippantly reclusive genius role. And while he might’ve learned the idea of embracing his contradictions from his mentor Kanye, he isn’t quite bombastic, constantly consuming us in his world vision. Nor he is the slippery enigma his “big brother” Donald Glover/Childish Gambino is, shrouding his character in mystery, dealing with the world selectively.

Unlike these contemporaries who helped guide him, Chance chooses to exist publicly, to associate himself with giant, off-white corporations like Nike, Apple, and Facebook, while fiercely maintaining as an indie artist. In a time when most new artists seem either massive and fleeting or niche and permanent, Chance’s grace is finding the space in between. He’ll live in this world, but on his terms. He’s the type of intelligent artist holding two opposing thoughts in his head, believing both simultaneously. As he searches on “Same Drugs,” he’s discovering the land between adolescent and adult. He is, as he’s called himself, a grown-ass kid.

This is why, whatever he wins at this year’s Grammys, he’s already won. Kanye likes to claim we don’t make famous people anymore, and sometimes I agree with him. We don’t produce Princes and Madonna on that level of fame. But that statement ignores what Chance has accomplished. A disruption and a catalyst, he’s a different hue of famous, someone who wields that power to change the system from within, like a golden boy politician. He doesn’t need the recognition, but he probably deserves it.

Canada’s Tokyo Smoke Acquires US Brand

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Tokyo Smoke, a leading Canadian cannabis-oriented lifestyle brand, has acquired Van der Pop, a like-minded cannabis product and experience brand based in Seattle.

Run by acclaimed designer and serial entrepreneur of consumer lifestyle brands April Pride, Van der Pop was created in response to a lack of sophisticated product for female marijuana connoisseurs. Women represent a rapidly growing segment of the cannabis market, underserved in cannabis despite being responsible for 85 percent of overall consumer spending.

Van der Pop has focused on creating a unique product line with a design aesthetic targeted directly to women, complemented by a carefully constructed shopping experience.

The full line of Van der Pop products will be sold at all Tokyo Smoke retail locations, and the brands will also collaborate on a limited line of new products. The teams from each enterprise will support one another with creative and marketing projects; April Pride assumes the role of Chief Creative Officer for both companies.

The acquisition combines one of the leading and highest visibility female-focused cannabis brands with Tokyo Smoke’s expertise in retail, international partnerships, and the curation of leading cannabis experiences. The combined companies will focus on providing a better, more thoughtful cannabis experience to an even broader community and will offer a myriad of new opportunities for consumers to approach cannabis.

“Van der Pop is an incredibly important and rare contribution to the consumer landscape, a brand that is, at its core, authentic and truly speaks to people,” says Alan Gertner (co-founder and CEO, Tokyo Smoke). “April and I share the same values when it comes to the normalization of cannabis and the appetite for design driven thinking within the industry. Together, we are natural partners to offer the best experiences to the burgeoning marketplace.”

Pride created Van der Pop in the spirit of Mies van der Rohe‘s design adage of “less is more,” combined with the ‘joie de vivre’ sound of corks popping. Van der Pop’s thoughtful product line places equal importance on form and function, and strives to infuse each item with a fun first, fashion forward focus. Best-selling items include stash jarslockable stash bagsgrinder cards and rolling papers.

“I feel empowered to help shape the messaging around responsible cannabis use,” says Pride. “Brands like Van der Pop and Tokyo Smoke are more than lifestyle purveyors, we want to help the global community engage with cannabis for the best possible results. This partnership combines our knowledge of the industry and presents customers with the most considered products and experiences. All while emphasizing design and creativity. That is the point.”

Van der Pop’s unique shopping experience targets the desire to discreetly enjoy cannabis while making informed purchasing decisions in consultation with like-minded friends and experts. Community members can become hosts for Van der Pop’s private shopping concept SESSION, or join scheduled parties where guests are educated about products in a social setting. SESSION reflects modern cannabis culture and offers discretion, education and style. Van der Pop products are now available at Tokyo Smoke retail locations and online at www.tokyosmoke.com.

 

15 Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas For The Sex Loving Marijuana Enthusiast

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No, but really — how does a person have better sex or a better relationship? The Fresh Toast has enlisted Rachel Krantz, a sex writer and proud canna-enthusiast, to help readers out with some answers as its sex columnist. No question is off limits, and all questions will remain anonymous. Please send your sex and relationship inquiries to freshlove@thefreshtoast.com. Now, onto this week’s topic: actually original Valentine’s Day gift ideas.

Q: Valentine’s Day is coming up and I still don’t have anything for my partner! They like to smoke weed and get frisky, but they are also into meditation and that kind of stuff. What do you think would make good, original Valentine’s Day gifts this year? I’m not sure exactly what direction I want to take this, but I want it to be more unique than just your standard present.

A: There’s so much to choose from in the realm of Valentine’s Day gifts that it can be a little daunting. Luckily, I think something on this list should work for just about everyone. Let’s get to it!

LELO Open Secret Luxury Gift Box, $129

Valued at $208, this gift box is “only” $129, and includes roses, a fancy bullet-style vibrator, handcuffs, and a blindfold. A sexy gift just in time for the latest Fifty Shades movie. You get something out of this too.

The Galaxy Tornado, $144.95

This limited-edition pen is a classy gift for someone who loves gold and has easy access to wax concentrates. Slim and slick, this temperature-controlled vape also comes with a lifetime warranty and pulls like a dream. Limit one per household — this is truly a unique gift that feels almost like getting jewelry.

A Stay At A Bud & Breakfast, Price Varies

I wrote about my stay at B and B 420, and it was truly one of the nicest travel experiences I’ve ever had. At this particular Denver spot, the owner sets you up with the cleanest B&B suite you’ve ever seen, and two samples (read: eighths) of bud he bred himself. Take your boo here for a trip they’ll never forget, or find a Bud & Breakfast anywhere in the world.

LoveGoodly Box, $29.95/Bi-monthly

https://www.instagram.com/p/BPalL-ahMW-/

There’s still time to get the Feb/Mar Box, which costs only $29.95, but has a retail value of over $86. If you really want to go above and beyond, get them an annual subscription to this expertly and ethically-curated vegan beauty box. They’ll think of you every time they open their bi-monthly present (plus, it’s a statement you plan to be around for at least a year).

4-Part Herb Grinder, $26.76

A romantic, classic Klimt image, let them think of kissing you every time they grind some herb.

The Womanizer, $189

https://www.instagram.com/p/BJZK1P0hC57/

OK, back to sex toys. This is my favorite new toy to hit the market, and I’m not alone. While most toys that try to mimic oral sex suck (or rather, don’t suck well enough) The Womanizer actually lives up to its regrettable name and makes just about every woman come. That little suction head grabs onto her clit and literally sucks with a vibrating pulse and intensity she or you can adjust. Even better, once it’s latched on, it’s quiet. This is another really fun one for you to watch. Trust.

WellBe, $149

If your special someone is into staying zen and wants to stress less, get them the WellBe, a new wearable tracker that uses a signature algorithm to track not only their heart rate, but how stressed they are throughout the day. The bracelet pairs with an app that also has tons of meditation exercises.

Southern Butter Small Variety Travel Pack, $29.95

While GreenGoo also makes some dope soaps, this travel pack is the perfect to-go sexy kit. With massage oil, chapstick, and lube, you can remember to pack this on any and all overnight trips. Pair it with a suggestion to go camping?

Ecco Bella Lemon Verbena Parfum, $30

https://www.instagram.com/p/BPk6DGTAnvu/

Personally, I love Ecco Bella’s eyeshadows the most, but this perfume makes for a more romantic gift. Perfect for someone who’s sensitive to additives, thy can wear this scent in style, and think of you.

Marijuana Magnetic Poetry, $5,

For your favorite stoner wordsmith. How fun will this be to play with the next time you both get high? Leave each other romantic messages on the fridge, or compose a special poem that surprises them in the morning, and you’ve got yourself a real V-Day gift.

Ti5 Slim Wallet, $48

OK, so my partner is in love with this wallet. He even got one for his best friend, who is also in love with it. I’m not sure what it is about this Machine Era Co wallet’s design, but from what I can derive, it’s basically the perfect gift for the minimalist in your life.

The Undo Meditation Cushion, $150

While I’m a big proponent of the idea that you don’t have to sit to meditate, if I had a cushion that made my alignment better, I think I would be more motivated to sit. Enter the Undo meditation cushion, which is designed specifically to provide the most comfortable seat possible for sitting and being. A perfect gift for someone who likes to meditate, or who would like to more often.

Crave Vesper Vibrator Necklace, $69

https://www.instagram.com/p/BFkSBdMlNFc/

I rock this necklace more than I use it as a vibrator, just because it’s really cute and it makes me feel like a badass to wear a stealth vibe around my neck. If you guys are fans of spontaneous quickies, it’s also a great way for her to signal she might be DTF every time she dons it.

V2 Pro Series 7 Kit, $129.99

The V2 Pro Series 7 Kit is the ultimate 3-in-1 portable vaporizer. Use it with wax, herb, or oil — for the person who loves their gadgets and their buzzes.

Intro to Orgasmic Meditation Workshop, $195

https://www.instagram.com/p/BL32SS-AEwT/

Now, I definitely thought that some things about OM One Taste’s Intro to Orgasmic Meditation workshop were weird. But I also can’t deny that it kind of rocked my world and changed the way my partner and I approach foreplay and pleasure. If your boo is truly adventurous, this will be a gift you can bet you’ll both never forget.

Uber Envisions A Future Full Of Flying Cars In ‘One To Three’ Years

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When someone intelligent sounding teams with one of the largest tech transportation companies and Uber announces that flying cars are just “one to three years” away, it’s hard not to perk up. The possibility of airborne automobiles have tantalized our imagination since the idea entered popular culture yet always seemed so far away.

Former NASA engineer Mark Moore disagrees. He was just hired by Uber to become the ride-sharing company’s director of engineering for aviation. That is to say, he’ll spearhead Uber’s efforts to develop the flying car, in addition to the company’s driverless cars.

“I can’t think of another company in a stronger position to be the leader for this new ecosystem and make the urban electric VTOL market real,” Moore told Bloomberg.

Uber Chief Product Officer Jeff Holden laid out the company’s Elevate ideals in a white paper last year, where the company envisioned the possibilities of “on-demand urban air transportation.” This hire seems like a step toward those goals.

Via Bloomberg:

[Moore] also predicts we’ll see several well-engineered flying cars in the next one to three years and that there will be human pilots, at least managing the onboard computers, for the foreseeable future.

Other companies have been working on VTOL aircraft (vehicles that utilize propulsion to elevate and land vertically) and so Moore’s and Uber’s goals aren’t new. Neither is their timeframe, as Gizmodo points out, as the flying car perpetually seems two years away.

Whether this time it comes to fruition won’t play out for another two years or so. With the way things are going, let’s hope we all make it that long.

Woodstock Weed Getting A Modern-Day Marketing Makeover?

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It’s early for a Saturday in Seattle, but I’m German and so I am the first to arrive. Entering the swanky lobby of the downtown boutique hotel, the vibe is New York City chic, appropriate enough for my introduction to New Yorker Michael Lang – the once and still cherubic face behind Woodstock.

Michael is making the rounds of the cannabis business community, looking for partners for Woodstock-branded weed, and a mutual friend has arranged for us to have coffee.  It is our first meeting, and I’m happy to speak with a generational icon.  What I notice first is his smile – still boyish despite 72 years as a celebrity rock promoter – followed quickly by his still impressive head of hair.  I am reminded of the famous photos, Lang on stage, or riding his BSA Victor motorcycle.

Image via MJ News Network

While I’m too young to have partied in the mud at Max Yasgur’s farm in upstate New York, the album, the Warner Brothers concert film, and the iconic photographs of the event were deeply influential to me growing up, and I tell him so.  There is no brand that resonates more solidly with baby boomers than Woodstock.

Unlike the appeal of Snoop Dogg, Willie Nelson and Tommy Chong – the Holy Trinity of celebrity cannabis brands –Woodstock’s cache transcends mere celebrity. Not just an historical festival featuring all the hippie heavyweights, Woodstock was the first gathering of the rainbow nation. An “Aquarian Exposition,” a happening, and a coming-out party for America’s disenfranchised long hairs, who came together from all corners of the country to let their freak flags fly during 3 days of peace, music & pot smoke.

Woodstock branded weed is a no brainer – it is hard to imagine a brand with a more canna-friendly image, and initial consumer demand is likely to be high, particularly with the hoopla surrounding the planned 50th anniversary concert in 2019.

I was part of the 1994 Woodstock II celebration.  Spin magazine, where I served as associate publisher, was media sponsor, and we rented a large house next to the festival grounds.  We used our sponsorship as an occasion to demonstrate to our advertising partners the power of music and youth culture.  Woodstock was nostalgic even in 1994, and its mystique had less to do with the music of Jimi Hendrix and Country Joe than it did with the power of community. That experience transcends generations.  The masses of Generation X celebrants, covered in mud, crowd surfing and smoking pot to Metallica we felt the same spirit of tribal communion as the 1969 crowd did, and the photographs of both are almost indistinguishable.

Image via MJ News Network

The Woodstock Nation is now in its 70s, and the quaint marijuana of the 1960s has grown up into a sophisticated consumer marketplace. Today’s cannabis comes in all shapes and sizes, flavors and forms.  Competing with a supermarket full of canna brands for shelf space and consumer mind share won’t be easy – even for an iconic brand.

Woodstock will likely feature old school strains, and Lang is leaning toward classic ’60s strains like Panama Red and Acapulco Gold.  His task now is to find local farmers in each market whose product can live up to expectations for such a legendary brand. To succeed he must create consistent experience worthy of such a pedigreed name, a challenge made more difficult as each state will have its own growers, who’ll operate under unique rules and standards.

Uneven production can quickly diminish the value of an entire franchise.  Other licensees have seen that when you rely on third party producers, product quality and potency can be inconsistent from crop to crop, batch to batch, and certainly state to state.

Now more than ever, the key to success for cannabis producers and processors lies in brand differentiation, a topic I’ll be discussing at CannaCon on Friday, February 17th at 10am. We’ll be examining Marijuana Marketing, and how pot culture is quickly becoming pop culture.

For more cannabis business coverage, visit the MJ News Network.  

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6 Ads That Made You Want To Watch The Super Bowl

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The Super Bowl is one of the most watched and treasured televised events of the year, bringing people with all sorts of interests together. You may come for the love of football, for the surely amazing halftime show, or simply as an excuse to hang out and get hopelessly drunk with your friends; it makes no difference. The Super Bowl is great.

The show is also incredibly important for the marketing of big companies, giving them an opportunity to show off their creativity through the creation of some of the best commercials in the world. In a way, the Super Bowl is like the Oscars for commercials, an exhibition of the coolest ideas made by the most talented people out there.

We’ve compiled a list with some of this year’s Super Bowl commercials, which have captured our attention and are surely worth millions and millions of dollars. Enjoy. 

Nintendo, “Nintendo Switch”

The purpose of this commercial is to advertise how dynamic and game changing the Nintendo Switch will be, blurring the line between console and handheld video games and creating a hybrid that’s supposed to offer the best of both styles of gaming. A spot in the Super Bowl guarantees millions of viewers, and depending on the device’s reception, might force other gaming companies to come up with more innovative ideas.

Mercedes Benz, “Easy Driver” by the Coen Brothers

The iconic and award winning Coen Brothers partnered up with Mercedes to produce this Easy Rider themed commercial, filled with bikers, badasses, and lots of grunting. All very “Coen-y” stuff.

Kia, “Hero’s Journey” with Melissa McCarthy

Kia had no problems splurging on this commercial, hiring one of the highest paid actresses in Hollywood. The ad works really well because it’s built with McCarthy’s best features in mind, putting her character in different situations that let her exploit her physical comedy. The commercial also highlights the aspect of nature, reinforcing the fact that it’s an eco friendly car.

Budweiser, “Born The Hard Way”

Budweiser has had several hit commercials over the last couple of Super Bowls, advocating friendship and cuteness with a memorable golden retreiver pup, but this year they’ve decided to take a more serious route that feels resonant with the state of the world. The ad tells the story of a man who comes to America on a quest to brew the perfect beer. Is there a better reason for bringing people together?

Honda, Yearbook

While the commercial is filled with stars and a positive message of following your dreams, it also doesn’t advertise the car as well as it should be. It’s still a great watch, I just won’t remember what was being advertised in the first place.

Avocados of Mexico, #AvoSecrets

A comedic take on an iconic and dark scene from “Eyes Wide Shut”, this commercial shows a secret society hashing out their differences and discussing the policies of their organization. At the closing moments of the ad, the members of the society agree that subliminal advertising is fake, as Jon Lovitz unexpectedly pops onscreen and hypnotizes them into stuffing their faces with guacamole. Very trippy stuff.

7 Reasons Valentine’s Day Is The Worst Holiday Ever

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There’s no denying that Valentine’s Day in the US is big business. Sixty-two percent of Americans celebrate it, spending on average $70-100 per person on gifts and dinners on this bizarre yearly mating ritual.


If you’re among the 38 percent who couldn’t care less about this holiday, enjoy these words of encouragement to ignore the day altogether.

Boxes Of Chocolate Are Trash

Nothing says “I have no idea what your tastes are and I’m covering my own ass” like a mixed box of chocolates. Unless your significant other actually, genuinely enjoys taking one bite each out of 12 different kinds of candy before leaving it all in the box to get old and stale. A certain type of person might enjoy doing that, just for the joy of being super rude to the next person who comes along to steal a piece, and that’s great! But for most gift-getters, this is not the look.

The Patriarchy Must Die

Like most holidays around romance (see also: the dreaded New Year’s Eve kiss, most birthdays, Christmas if you’re not careful), this one puts a lot of pressure on how the man gives gifts to the woman. We can probably thank romantic comedies for this one, but we’re beyond that now, right? Giving is as fun as getting, for both sides — likewise, mutually rejecting the idea is also fun. Sidenote: The man versus woman stereotype of gift-giving leaves out a whole wide spectrum of non-binary, queer and polyamorous couples. So, screw it!

Flowers Are Expensive And Dead

Americans spend $1.9 billion on average purchasing flowers for their dates on Valentine’s day. They’re not great for the environment, either: The floral industry employs people and is far from the biggest culprit in climate-damaging footprint, but it does use pesticides and water. Opt for a live plant, or give a weed bouquet and support your local growers, instead!

Diamonds Are Over

Millennials are killing the diamond industry, and not for the reason you’d think. “Millennials don’t want what all their friends have and don’t want what they’ve been told to have,” Amanda Gizzi, a spokeswoman for Jewelers of America, told CNBC. Maybe he went to Jared, but so did all of his buddies.

Its Origins Are So, So Bizarre

This is less of a reason to hate the day and more of a reason to hate what it’s become. Don’t let Hallmark fool you into thinking Valentine’s Day was always a romantic love-fest. The holiday started as a wild ancient Roman festival known as Lupercalia: Men would skin a dog and a goat, and then whip willing women with the hides, followed by a matchmaking lottery. In the 3rd century A.D., the emperor executed two men, both named Valentine, on different years but both on February 14th. They were considered saints and martyrs, and their stories were romanticized by Shakespeare and Chaucer. Tinder sounds pretty mellow now, huh?

Social Media Makes Couples Intolerable

Did we need to know that you swirling-heart-emoji your Woman Crush Wednesday or that your Man Crush Monday is your man crush everyday? Nope. And once you’ve seen one photo of someone getting a bouquet at their desk at work, you’ve seen ‘em all. Keep that shit to yourself, and let the rest of us carry on taking quizzes and stalking our exes in peace.

Related: 5 Pranks That Will Completely Screw Up Your Valentine’s Day

We’re Gonna Stalk Our Exes

Just, we’re gonna. It happens. No more pregnancy announcements or engagement photos on this day, of all days, for the love of all that is good. Save it for February 15th.

Which brings us to the one reason why you can find solace in Valentine’s Day: All of this junk goes on sale the day after. Stock up on clearance chocolate like you’re a doomsday prepper, and shamelessly take a single bite out of each piece.


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Snack Like A Boss: 9 Ideas For Healthy And Delicious Munchies

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We know the science of why marijuana gives us the munchies: Neurons in the brain that are normally involved in suppressing appetite are tricked by THC into chilling out. Even when you’re full, the brain receptors controlling your satiated signals are interrupted, making you want to eat more.

Typically, that means reaching for the cheesy puffs and buffalo wings, and hitting up Seamless for a slice of diner cake. But what if you had a healthier option on hand for when the munchies strike? Instead of waking up the next day wondering why you’re surrounded in Twinkies wrappers, you could rise feeling fresh and nourished.

If putting sad pieces of lettuce in your face while high sounds like a terrible time, don’t worry — we agree. Here are a few ideas for crunchy, sweet, savory, salty munchies that won’t blow your diet.

Homemade Cheese Crackers

Anything from your own kitchen is bound to be healthier than the alternative from a processed box. Try baking these cheesy crackers ahead of your smoke sesh, and top with fruit, jelly, or more cheese.

Avocado Banana Chocolate Pudding

This sounds amazing: Using a food processor, mix banana, avocado, chocolate and whatever other sweeteners or spices your heart desires, and chill it for an hour. You’ll have a snack full of good fats that’ll make you feel full, while satisfying a sweet tooth. Here’s the recipe.

Mixed Nuts


via GIPHY

They require zero prep, so they’re ideal for keeping on hand when you’re already high. Just don’t overdo them, as they can be high in salt and fats. And stay away from the trail mix, with sugar-loaded candies and dried fruit.

Fresh Fruit

Keep a sliced bowl of fresh fruit ready in the fridge, and you’ll reach for that over anything you have to wait to heat up or prepare. Mangos, especially, nail that chewy-sweetness and interact with your high to make it last longer and feel more intense.

Oranges or Tangerines


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Anything you have to work for will feel more satisfying when you’re blazed. The act of peeling a tangerine is entertaining, and the end result isn’t so bad for you either.

Sunflower Seeds or Pistachios

Similarly, seeds and nuts that require some cracking open will be harder to mindlessly inhale, and will give you something to do with your hands other than rummage in the kitchen cabinets.

String Cheese

Okay, so this one’s pretty junk-foody, but if you pick an organic cheese with lower fat, you can get away with fewer calories. String cheese is super fun to eat sober or high, and paired with cheese and fruit, you’ll have yourself snack entertainment for hours.

Home-Baked Chips

Whether you’re still riding the kale chip crazy or sweet potatoes and Russets are more your scene, homemade chips are super-simple and satisfying.

Egg-Free Cookie Dough

Don’t peel and eat a sleeve of cookie dough like it’s a banana. Just don’t. Whip up an egg-free version, made with chickpeas and chocolate, and feel free to lick the bowl. This recipe from One Green Planet hits the spot.

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