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Tom Brady Reveals A Strange Dietary Secret

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Ever wonder how to have a long, brilliant career in the NFL? Well, thanks to a Tom Brady interview with New York Magazine to promote fluffy shoes, now we know. The secret is: Eat like a finicky child raised by bad parents.

“Do you need to eat a cheeseburger every day to realize that you love a cheeseburger?” the four-time Super Bowl champion replied when asked if he ever misses junk food. “Or could you eat it once a week … or once every two weeks … or once a month … or once every two months?”

Great questions, Tom. Maybe all of the above? But the real key to his success became apparent later in the interview, when Brady made a startling confession.

“I’ve never eaten a strawberry in my life. I have no desire to do that.”

Huh. Add strawberries (and coffee!) to the list of foods—“tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms, and eggplants”—that Brady and his wife, super model Gisele Bündchen never eat, according to Alan Campbell, their personal chef. So what do they eat? From Campbell’s recent interview with Boston.com:

80 percent of what they eat is vegetables. [I buy] the freshest vegetables. If it’s not organic, I don’t use it. And whole grains: brown rice, quinoa, millet, beans. The other 20 percent is lean meats: grass-fed organic steak, duck every now and then, and chicken. As for fish, I mostly cook wild salmon.

It’s very different than a traditional American diet. But if you just eat sugar and carbs—which a lot of people do—your body is so acidic, and that causes disease. Tom recently outed Frosted Flakes and Coca-Cola on WEEI. I love that he did that. Sugar is the death of people.

Success in the NFL might be cool and all, but it sounds really hard. Sugar and carbs are so delicious!

What The ‘High Maintenance’ Creators Watch While High

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Four years ago, husband-and-wife team Ben Sinclair and Katja Blichfeld released the first episode of High Maintenance on Vimeo. The low-budget web series, which follows a weed dealer—known only as The Guy—as he visits regular customers around New York City, became a cult hit and eventually drew the attention of HBO, where a new season of the show will debut September 16. At this week’s premiere, The Fresh Toast spoke to Sinclair and Blichfeld about the new season, what they enjoy watching after smoking, their dealer’s opinion of the show, and more.

High Maintenance HBO
Poster courtesy of HBO

The Fresh Toast: Has your dealer seen the show? If so, what do they think?
Sinclair: We’ve had many dealers over the years because we’ve been making the show for more than four years, so we have some of them that know…and it doesn’t get us free weed. You’d be surprised. With our dealers, they’re like, “So, it’s $200 or whatever.”

Blichfeld: But they’re not the boss.

Sinclair: I know, I know. I’m just trying to make a snappy joke about weed.

What are the best shows to watch while high?
Sinclair: The best show to watch while stoned is the Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! and also their Bedtime Stories. We used to watch Ancient Aliens in like 2011.

Are you worried that if marijuana becomes fully legal, it’ll mean the end of your show?
Sinclair: It seems like the press is really worried that weeds gonna get legal and our show is going to end. We really never had that worry before. We’ll figure it out, like we figure out everything.

The weed users on your show are very normal, everyday people and rarely resemble stereotypical stoners. Was that an intentional decision?

Blichfeld: It was absolutely intentional. It was kind of before we knew we were making a show about pot, I think we were conscious of the fact that we wanted it portrayed in a normal way, to have characters smoking it recreationally like it was no big deal. This is probably because we were feeling insecure about our stonerdom at the time, but we don’t feel that way anymore.

Sinclair: Ever since we were like, “We’re stoners!” people have been like, “Tell me more!” So we’re going to keep doing it.

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Beck’s New Video For “Wow” Is Trippy And Impossible Not To Watch

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He’s been a loser. He’s gone through sea changes. He’s gotten his haircut by the devil. Beck (nee Beck Hansen, nee Bek David Campbell), like Madonna, Cher, and other great one-name artists, has crafted a career as a master pop-music shape-shifter.

Last month, he re-emerged with a track that took a far-out mariachi horn line and pumped it up with a booming, buttery beat. Then he had the great idea to call the song “Wow” — which is very much the reaction you’ll have when contemplating the new video.

As Slate notes, the clip “showcases a series of surreal surprises, intermixing footage of horse-straddling cowboys, floating children, blooming roses (with eyes), and other compellingly weird images.” Oh, and his kids: Cosimo and Tuesday Hansen.

While the video is more than enough fantastical eye-candy to keep you delighted this Wednesday, the song also warrants a closer listen for the lyrics. Early in his career, Beck was drawn to fairly surrealistic word-scapes — even in the song that launched his career way back in 1993, “Loser.” That funk-folk song opened by announcing to the world:

In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey
Butane in my veins so I’m out to cut the junkie
With the plastic eyeballs, spray paint the vegetables
Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose
Kill the headlights and put it in neutral
Stock car flamin’ with a loser and the cruise control
Baby’s in Reno with the vitamin D

Trippy, no? Before long, however, Beck was exploring more traditional song and lyrical structures, culminating, in many ways, with the Grammy-winning 2014 album, Morning Phase. That record moved methodically through 13 sweet and soulful songs, and presented Beck as a clear-eyed, curious chronicler of the Modern Human Condition.

Photo screenshot via BeckVEVO on Youtube
Photo screenshot via BeckVEVO on Youtube

So what better, Beck-ier way to follow that up than returning to his strange roots and blowing eyes and minds with a video that plays like a dreamy hallucination and words that present a surrealist portrait of our pixelated new world.

It’s your life
Falling like a hot knife
Call your wife; secular times, these times
My demon’s on the cell phone
To your demons, nothing’s even right or wrong
It’s irrelevant, elephant in the room goes boom
Standing on the lawn doin’ jiu jitsu
Girl in a bikini with the Lamborghini shih-tzu

Yep. That’s life. Can you feel him now?

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The Shadow Doodler Is Your New Instagram Obsession

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Here’s a new social media account for you to follow. The Shadow Doodle is your new Instagram obsession. It’s from a filmmaker in Belgium named Vincent Bal. He uses shadows from everyday objects, many kitchen items, to create doodles. If you scroll down far enough, you can see the exact moment he fell into this new passion (around April, with a teacup).

RELATED: Science Explains How Marijuana Inspires Awe 

Bal sells postcards on his Etsy account and he tells us a book is coming in December. Here’s a sample of some of his work. It’s pretty addictive.

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Born in 1971, Vincent Bal is a Belgian filmmaker and visual artist widely known for his artwork based around shadows cast by everyday objects. As a writer and director he is best known for Miss Minoes (2001), The Zigzag Kid (2012), Belgian Rhapsody (2014), and The Bloody Olive (1997).

Bal is known for his shadow art illustrations, made by combining shadows cast from everyday objects with hand-drawn doodles. He began his ongoing “Shadowology” series in 2016 when he challenged himself to make a shadow doodle every day. On where the inspiration for the series came from, Bal says:

“Like all good things in life, it came by accident. I was working on a film script (for a film that is never made) when I noticed how the shadow of my teacup looked a bit like an elephant. I gave the shadow animal eyes and a smile, and took a picture. When I shared it on social media, the reactions were really nice, so I decided to try and make one every day. That was may 2016 and I haven’t stopped since.”[3]

Bal is currently working on the Shadowology live-action film that incorporates his shadow drawings and also has a published book of his illustrations by the same name.

How Anti-Rapper Vince Staples Went Big With ‘Prima Donna’

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Few would accuse Vince Staples of having a big head. You wouldn’t suspect so, anyways. But at 23 years, Staples carries with him an air of living multiple lives. He’s a rapper for start, a very adept one at that, but his career began out of necessity to leave his 2N Gangsta Crip past. His rhymes weave with such earnest bluntness and a conflicted heavy heart. On “Like It Is” from his Summertime ’06 debut album, he rapped: “No matter what we grow into, we never gon’ escape our past.” Pretty bleak outlook for a then 21-year-old kid.

His music often sounds like gangsta rap, but with none of the bravado. There are no heroes in Vince’s stories. “Nate,” a hard-eyed ode to his father locked up when Vince was a first grader, succinctly sums it up: “Knew he was the villain never been a fan of Superman.”

In online circles most know Vince as a funny man. And for good reason—dude’s hilarious. His caustic wit and no bullshit demeanor heard in his raps carry over to his jokes. There’s his “Ray J is a top 5 west coast rapper” legitimate (once-you-hear-it) theory and how Sprite could end rap beefs. GQ partnered with him for videos even; proof enough his jokes are lucrative online. But he blasts internet culture routinely and threatens to leave the online world just as frequently.

Vince Staples could be high on himself, but he chooses levelheadedness at all turns is what I mean. To NPR last year, he said “My job is not for sales. My job is to keep my sanity.” From the outside, he seemed to be succeeding.

So why did this even-keeled, anti-rap rapper Vince Staples go ahead and decide to inflate his head? Especially a guy who boasts about never drinking and never smoking? Had something changed, had he succumbed to the fame, fast women, fast cars?

His recent Prima Donna EP features an artificially big-headed Vince on its cover. That big head tilts sideways, too big for its body, the way a baby’s head is. The expression’s deadpan, bored, perhaps numbed to pain, fame, and everything in between. He just doesn’t seem to give a shit anymore.

The EP begins with a bang. Vince sings a downright lugubrious version of “This Little Light of Mine,” prior to a gunshot going off. It’s a suicide and this character’s light has been extinguished. Only after a few listens do you realize Prima Donna tells its story in reverse order: A rapper achieves stardom following a successful banger (“Big Time”), establishing a bad-ass persona of some kind. This rapper starts to believe he is his persona (“Prima Donna”), but can’t duplicate the glory, skidding into a macabre insanity. Listening to the EP in reverse order, the gunshot almost comes as relief, putting this character out of his misery.

The music marks a leap in artistry and complexity for Vince. He spits furious after furious fusillade on tracks like “Loco” and “War Ready” while deftly navigating chaotic, bust-your-head-open production, thanks in bulk to DJ Dahi and one-time Kanye mentor No I.D. Special recognition goes to James Blake and the head-bopping “Big Time,” surely the hardest beat Blake’s ever created (that retro video game sample during the bridge drives me insane).

The emotions, the journey told on this EP feel personal, and Vince’s appeal has always been his personality, hilarious and candid even trapped within violence and drama. He never postures and almost ruthlessly mocks rappers who do. “I ain’t paying homage to nobody with no bodies,” he raps on “Big Time.” So again: Why the big head, Vince?

Vince also released a short film, also called Prima Donna, which he wrote, to coincide with the EP. It opens with Vince, again with that big head, bobbing between two twerking booties. He doesn’t appear happy. But it’s part of a music video shoot for “Big Time,” the director yells cut, and Vince’s head shrinks back to normal. He leaves the shoot and the film follows Vince’s descent into madness: cab drivers sing his songs without prompting to him, a woman dances and gropes him on an elevator ride, screaming fans materialize around corners to glimpse him.

In his hotel room, the four walls collapse as the hotel attendant pounds on the door, and an audience rips open the doors, demanding more Vince. You get the sense Vince believes this is how outsiders see him, the fame-hungry rapper, despite insistent evidence to the contrary. Just like listening to the EP backwards, when the gunshot fires, it relieves as much as it startles.

But Vince shoots a mirrored image of himself. The camera rushes into the destruction, passing through a stage, until it returns to an earlier shot of Vince laying on his back, staring up at the sun amidst idyllic trees and fallen leaves. Blood pools around his head, so viscous and vibrant, and the film cuts to black.

A slew of visual albums and/or short films have released in 2016. As the streaming wars heat up, and more great music releases, artists almost need to go, well, artsy to demand your attention and respect. Frank Ocean went full-blown pretentious art kid. Radiohead got Paul Thomas Anderson. Kanye invited you into his laboratory to experience his mad genius process alongside him. Rihanna pulled us in further by receding more, her enigma growing. Drake (kind of) did his same thing and was lambasted.

But of all the side projects, of all the rollouts to the main meat that is the album, I’ve only returned to Beyoncé’s Lemonade visuals and Vince’s short film. Beyoncé invites listeners in, exposing her story of the backstage drama and messy relationships we’ve all heard/suspected was going on. Plus, who am I kidding: it’s pure ecstasy watching Bey smash that bat around.

Vince is different; he’s pulling back a curtain we never knew was there. The conclusion reached is twofold: he’s playing out a version of the rapper he could’ve been, a character he could still be. You start wondering if part of him wishes to be that guy now. And that this whole artistic exercise was a mean to killing off that undesired part of himself.

That’s all speculation, though. Vince Staples remains that clear-eyed, unpretentious spitter rap needs. It’s a form of hip hop that might never make him a superstar; it’s too honest, too personal. Vince will likely never be a real prima donna. But, man, it sure was fun to pretend.

Your State-By-State Guide To Where Marijuana Will Be Legalized In November

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This November, voters in at least nine states will check a box for either full cannabis legalization or  a medical marijuana program. Never before in our history have so many voters had the opportunity to have their voices heard on this issue.

Five states will vote on full legalization of recreational cannabis, while voters in four (more, depending on last-minute legal challenges) will decide on whether to allow medical marijuana.

Here, in order of likelihood, are where cannabis enthusiasts will celebrate on the morning of Nov. 9:

California: Full legalization

This vote is the big enchilada. The Golden State is the world’s sixth largest economic engine and is home to the most cannabis farms in the U.S. As California goes, so goes the nation. Proposition 64 — the Adult Use of Marijuana Act — will allow adults (21 and older) to possess and grow small amounts of cannabis for personal use.

California was the first state to allow for medical marijuana back in 1996 and that program generates nearly $3 billion. This is the state’s second attempt at full legalization; it failed in a contentious 2010 campaign that didn’t garner the support of longtime cannabis growers in California’s northern region. This year, Proposition 64  is comfortably ahead in the polls and looks headed for certain victory.

The Sunshine State appears poised to join the growing number of states with a fully functioning medical marijuana program.

Florida: Medical 

The Sunshine State appears poised to join the growing number of states with a fully functioning medical marijuana program. Amendment 2 — United For Care  — will allow patients with certain qualifying conditions to consume cannabis without fear of arrest. There is no provision for growing your own plants. Most statewide news organizations have endorsed the measure and polling shows that more than 75 percent of likely voters support it. Just two years ago, a similar amendment received 58 percent of the vote. Unfortunately, it required 60 percent to pass.

Nevada: Full legalization 

Question 2 — Regulate Marijuana Like Alcohol — will achieve what the title of the measure clearly states: Make marijuana legal for adults 21 years of age and older and establish a system in which marijuana is regulated and taxed similarly to alcohol. The ballot initiative is based on Colorado’s successful 2012 campaign and polling suggests a clear path to victory. Clearly, Las Vegas — long considered the nation’s Sin City — is poised to benefit financially from full cannabis legalization. Reno, with its proximity to California and Lake Tahoe ski resorts, is also gearing up for a new industry.

Only 2.8 million people live in Nevada, but more than 40 million tourists head to the state annually. Legalization here will have a broader impact than most smaller states.

Sheldon Adelson, the conservative billionaire who funded Florida’s anti-cannabis forces in 2014 with a $5 million contribution, is the new owner of the Las Vegas Review-Tribune and is once again fighting against marijuana.

Maine: Full legalization 

Mainers will get a chance to legalize cannabis — and at the same time repudiate embattled anti-marijuana Gov. Paul LePage — this November.

LePage, along with New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, have been two of the most ardent anti-marijuana politicians in the nation. But both governors appear out of step with the will of their states’ voters.

Question 1 — Regulate and Tax Marijuana — allows adults 21 years of age and older to possess a limited amount of marijuana, grow a limited number of marijuana plants in their homes, and possess the marijuana produced by those plants. It will remain illegal to use marijuana in public. Recent polling data shows 55 percent support the ballot measure; 41 percent lean against it.

Maine was one of the early states to decriminalize cannabis back in the 1970s and legalizing medical marijuana in 1999.

Arkansas: Medical  

Well, Arkansas is currently a bit of a mess. There are two competing measures on the ballot which could lead to voter confusion. If both measures — pass, the one with the highest number of yes votes will be enacted. Yes, it’s an electoral mess.

A medical marijuana victory in Arkansas would be huge.

Four years ago, Arkansans voted against a similar measure in a close vote. This year, polling suggests that nearly 60 percent of likely voters will support it.

But a medical marijuana victory in Arkansas would be huge. It will be the first state in the south to enact a program designed to assist patients who want and need cannabis as a medicine. It likely will force other southern states to consider adopting similar laws.

Arkansas Business, a statewide publication, describes how the AMCA snd the AMMA differ.

Massachusetts: Full legalization 

The Bay State proves that cannabis legislation is not a blue-red, Democratic-Republican, conservative-progressive issue. The perennially liberal state will most likely reject the legalization of marijuana this year.

Question 4 — the Tax and Regulate Marijuana ballot measure — is polling at 41 percent in favor, according to the latest data.

Meanwhile, the “No on 4” campaign has garnered support from Gov. Charlie Baker and Boston Mayor Martin Walsh.

New England states have become a key battleground for the legalization movement. Because of the proximity of the cluster of states, most advocates believe that once one or two states legalize the entire region will jump aboard the tax revenue train. But, as of now, 2016 does not bode well for those supporting legal weed.

North Dakota: Medical 

This ballot measure — the North Dakota Compassionate Care Act of 2016 — is a real wild card. Polling in North Dakota is as sparse as the state’s population — the latest data from two years ago suggests narrow support.

The state’s conservative political leaders have fought hard to keep this off the ballot, but cannabis advocates scrambled to get enough signatures in August to qualify for the ballot.

Trying to predict an outcome here is essentially like flipping a coin.

Arizona: Full legalization 

It is highly unlikely that Arizonans will vote for full legalization of cannabis. Proposition 205 — Regulate Marijuana Like Alcohol — is polling at less than 40 percent approval, according to a July survey.

The measure is similar to Nevada’s and Maine’s, but Arizona is still a deep red conservative state. It would take a a miracle for this state to pass full legalization.

Oklahoma: Medical 

Another long shot for patients in Oklahoma. Proponents in this state, a grassroots organization called Oklahomans for Health, have submitted signatures that are currently being verified. Even though a 2013 poll showed that 71 percent of residents of the state agreed with the concept of “joining … other states who now have laws allowing seriously ill patients to possess marijuana for medical purposes,” the chances of a measure on the ballot in time is unlikely.

This may not be the year here, but the winds in Oklahoma are shifting on the issue.

Oklahoma is a deep-red state and Republicans dominate the statehouse, but a majority of GOP voters support medical marijuana. This may not be the year here, but the winds in Oklahoma are shifting on the issue.

Montana: Medical 

Montana’s medical marijuana situation is like its weather: Unpredictable and wild. The state already approved an MMJ program 12 years ago, but the conservative legislature has been gutting it ever since. In 2011, the state essentially outlawed dispensaries and led patients back into the black market for their cannabis.

Initiative 182 — Montana’s New Medical Marijuana Initiative — promises responsible access for patients and ensures accountability.

There is no polling data available in the state and advocates continue to fight an uphill battle with state legislators who appear hard-bent on keeping marijuana out of the state.

NOTE: Missouri and Michigan do not have initiatives currently on the ballot, but there is still a remote chance of a last-minute addition. But don’t get your hopes up too high.

 

Could Cannabis Help Cure Hillary Clinton’s Case Of Pneumonia?

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Being sick sucks. This is not a partisan matter. So, whether you are a bitter but starry-eyed Bernie fan (no judgement!), a know-it-all libertarian (some judgement), or an insurgent Trumpist (*bites tongue*), we hope you will join with us in wishing Hillary Clinton a speedy and compete recovery from her pneumonia!

But is there something we can do beyond offering our sympathy? Yes. We can explore whether or not marijuana could aid in the recovery from pneumonia. It’s not beyond the realm of possibility. In fact, marijuana has been shown in instances to help lung function: The same quality that swells your blood vessels and gives you red eye also opens up the bronchial passages. Obviously, smoke is an irritant, so there has been some interest in a THC spray to treat asthma.

As far as pneumonia goes, however, there are no targeted cannabis studies. When pneumonia does get mentioned in the medical literature, it’s almost exclusively to note that a research subject has died from it during the course of a study. This is a rare event—so there’s that. In fact, a review of adverse effects of medical cannabinoids found no statistical difference in pneumonia deaths between weed-users and non-users. Score one for team cannabis?

In a handful of cases, weed tainted with aspergillus mold has caused a form of pneumonia—but that wasn’t the weed’s fault: It was just a vehicle for that bastard aspergillus. (Lesson: Know your source.)

OK, so weed doesn’t necessarily hurt—but does it help?

Again, there’s no evidence. But we can walk you through a thought experiment. If weed cannot outright kill the microbes that cause pneumonia (and there’s absolutely no evidence it can), then the plant’s anti-inflammatory property would be the most likely benefit. Inflammation is linked to a host of common maladies, including heart attack, arthritis, Alzheimer’s, diabetes, and Crohn’s disease. Maybe easing the inflammation of a pneumonia-stricken lung could be healing?

Alas, no. It’s chronic inflammation that is the problem. In the short term, inflammation is a good thing: It’s a sign that the immune system is doing its job. When marijuana soothes inflammation, it’s actually suppressing the immune system. And that’s a really, really bad idea when you’re fighting a serious infection like pneumonia.

So, should Hillary Clinton smoke some chronic? Our prescription is: Definitely! It won’t do anything to cure her pneumonia, but it might help her mellow out already and connect with voters.

5 Strange, Macabre, And Horny Roald Dahl Characters You Probably Haven’t Heard Of

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Roald Dahl would have been 100 years old today. Born in 1916, his books sold more than 250 million copies worldwide, and is widely considered one of the 20th century’s greatest children’s storytellers. (He was also sort of a bigot, but it’s his birthday so let’s brush over that for now!)

We already know the characters brought to life by Gene Wilder and Mara Wilson, but what about those who’ve only seen a light grazing of the spotlight?

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Vermicious Knids

These recurring baddies are found in Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator and James and the Giant Peach. Dahl dreamed them up as destroyers of worlds: carnivorous egg-shaped aliens that move at a casual pace of 1,000,000 miles per day and devoured the peaceful civilizations that once lived on other planets in the Solar System. The only thing sparing Earth from the same fate is its atmosphere, which burns Knids up into shooting stars.

Oswald Hendryks Cornelius

All of this talk of peaches and chocolate is about to make sense. Switch Bitch, Dahl’s collection of short stories for Playboy magazine in 1965, is as imaginative and absurd as his writing for children, but with an unbridled eroticism that makes for characters like horny old Uncle Oswald. In “Bitch,” Oswald transforms himself into a seven-foot space penis and declares, “But tell me truly, did you ever see / a sexual organ quite so grand as me?” This story also includes an amazing description of orgasm from Oswald:

…the two of us were millions of miles up in outer space, flying through the universe in a shower of meteorites all red and gold. I was riding her bareback… “Faster!” I shouted, jabbing long spurs into her flanks. “Go faster!” Faster and still faster she flew, spurting and spinning around the rim of the sky, her mane streaming with sun, and snow waving out of her tail. The sense of power I had was overwhelming. I was unassailable, supreme. I was the Lord of the Universe, scattering the planets and catching the stars in the palm of my hand…

Oh, ecstasy and ravishment! Oh, Jericho and Tyre and Sidon! The walls came tumbling down and the firmament disintegrated, and out of the smoke and fire of the explosion, the sitting-room in the Waldorf Towers came swimming slowly back into my consciousness like a rainy day…

Drioli

In the short story “Skin,” an old man whose now-deceased friend was a famous artist. Before his death, the artist tattooed a painting onto his back. Down on his luck in old age, Drioli considers auctioning off his back-canvas for art collectors. After agreeing to live in a gallery as a walking exhibit, Drioli mysteriously disappears, but the painting that adorned his back is seen for sale at auction. Dubious:

It wasn’t more than a few weeks later that a picture by Soutine, of a woman’s head, painted in an unusual manner, nicely framed and heavily varnished, turned up for sale in Buenos Aires. That – and the fact that there is no hotel in Cannes called Bristol – causes one to wonder a little, and to pray for the old man’s health, and to hope fervently that wherever he may be at this moment, there is a plump attractive girl to manicure the nails of his fingers, and a maid to bring him his breakfast in bed in the mornings.

Prince Pondicherry

This dude had style, we’ll give him that. The Indian prince called Willy Wonka to build a chocolate palace, which Wonka advised him to eat immediately. Pondicherry was all, “Nah, I’m gonna live in this chocolate deathtrap” until it melted in the hot sun. Because it required too many special effects for the 1971 film adaptation, we don’t see this feat of hubris go down until the 2005 version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory:

Cyril Boggis

Like many of Dahl’s characters, Boggis suffers from arrogance and general old-bastard-itis that eventually leads to his undoing. Appearing in Parson’s Pleasure, written for a 1958 issue of Esquire, he’s a scam artist posing as a parson, going from barn to barn and relieving country people of their valuable furniture to resell for thousands. He’d convince them that a particular piece was shoddily made and steal away with his haul like the 1950’s version of American Pickers.

‘The time and trouble that some mortals will go to in order to deceive the inno­cent!’ Mr Boggis cried. ‘It’s perfectly dis­gusting!

No question that Dahl could be drawn to darker impulses. But today, many fans are remembering the master yarn spinner as a gentle old grandpa, who seemingly could’ve had a successful career as a life coach or inspirational speaker.

 

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Carrie Brownstein Debuts Short Film Parodying The Social Media Era

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Carrie Brownstein, of Sleater-Kinney and Portlandia fame, has created a short film called The Realest Real as part of KENZO’s fall-winter campaign. It had a premiere during KENZO’s New York Fashion Week show, and follows in line with the recent KENZO short film My Mutant Brain directed by Spike Jonze and starring Margaret Qualley.

However, Brownstein’s film has a much different focus than bonkers dance fun; its target is the social media world. The Institute of the Really Real has the power to literalize phrases like “followers” and “mom” and “the cloud.” We see one guy who comments “wife” on a post by Sonic Youth’s Kim Gordon, wife her as a result.

The film also stars Mahershala Ali, Laura Harrier, Rowan Blanchard, and Natasha Lyonne. Brownstein both wrote and directed The Realest Real.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbfSRa5BRhk

This project is just the latest one for the multi-tasking cultural force that is Brownstein. Earlier this year she and Fred Armisen released Season 6 of their hit IFC show. On the rock front, Brownstein and her band, pop-punk heroes Sleater-Kinney, are busier than ever. Last year, they put out a new collection of twitchy-catchy rock on an album called No Cities To Love. They followed that up with live shows, including playing this weekend at Chicago’s Riot Fest, sharing stage time with what is essentially an encyclopedia’s worth or indie, alt, and punk rock legends: The Flaming Lips, Morrissey, Death Cab For Cutie, Ween, Gwar, Meat Puppets, and on and on and on. If you’ve got the strength, it’s sure to be one of the most memorable three days of rock-face-making you’ll ever have.

Speaking of strength–know who has buckets of it? Yep, Carrie Brownstein. How else to explain the fact that on top of all this music and movie business, she found time and energy to crank out the very well-received memoir Hunger Makes Me A Modern Girl last fall.

All of this vast output makes us wonder if there is anything Brownstein is terrible at? Seriously, anyone know if she has skillz when it comes to the following things?

 

  1. Putting up dry-wall.
  2. Cooking a whole fish.
  3. Roller blading.
  4. Deconstructing Sartre.
  5. Folding fitted sheets.

Actually, you know what? Don’t tell us; we don’t want to know. This post has made us feel totally un-talented compared to Carrie. Let’s just move on now.

Kevin Harlan’s Must-Hear Call Of Live Streaker On Monday Night Football

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Some men just want to be seen. And some men want to be seen so desperately they sneak onto a football field during an NFL game as security guards chase him around the field, causing an entire spectacle of the thing. And some men, well, some men are Kevin Harlan. And men like Kevin Harlan just want to commentate a scene like that.

He got his chance Monday Night in a game between the San Francisco 49ers and Los Angeles Rams. If you weren’t excited by football already, this incredible call will remind you why love the sport. I lost it when, mid-call, he delivered the line, “The guy is drunk!”

Watch this play-by-play call.

https://twitter.com/JMKTV/status/775573086330556416

And while that was a thing of beauty, reading this transcription of Harlan’s call is also a treat. Especially with lines like, “They are surrounding him like he…like he just robbed a bank!”

To borrow Harlan’s word, let’s all give much thanks to this “goofball.”

https://twitter.com/AustinKKim/status/775569420441817088

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