A good server blends into a meal like a good bottle of wine. He or she keeps the good times flowing, provides support, and isn’t really noticeable until a refill is needed. This stealth mode is crucial for restaurant professionals who don’t want to interrupt people enjoying their dining experience. It’s also what enables them to inconspicuously hear everything that’s going on, like a proverbial fly on the wall.
Reddit recently posted a question asking servers to dish on all the weird stuff they’ve overheard while doing their job. Here are some of the best SFW answers. (Please do yourself a favor and read all of them!)
@ElPapaDiablo: In a Witherspoons and there was a slight lull in the Friday night noise and a buddy and I overheard a girl say “Well technically he isn’t my brother so I shagged him” to which her friend replied “But you have the same Dad”.
@zapatodulce: We had a couple who would come in regularly and always asked to be seated in my coworker’s section. They were probably in their 60s and were always really affectionate and cute with each other. My coworker would joke around with them all the time. One day the man came in with a different woman than usual, and my coworker jokingly told him “ooooh, you’re in trouble. I’m going to tell your wife you were here with another woman.” Woman said “Excuse me? I am his wife. Who the fuck has he been coming here with?” Dead awkward silence while she death-glares at her extremely uncomfortable-looking husband. My coworker just turned around and walked away.
@duckyblinders: A little girl’s (couldn’t be older than 10) dad’s drunk girlfriend calling her fat piece of shit, not pretty enough, etc. When they ordered she asked for a baked potato and the girlfriend said “Really? Do you really need that potato, Hailey?”. The little girl was holding back tears all night. I messed up her order and brought her the potato. Then I brought her a free dessert to make up for the mistake. Just to piss off the drunk girlfriend.
@jakethedog53: I sat a table of three: a mom, her daughter, and Grandma. After sitting, Grandma left to order spaghetti at the Italian place next door. Mom seemed to be having an existential crisis. I asked her what she wanted to drink.
“I don’t know,” she said.
“Can I get you some water?” I asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Do you want me to come back later?”
“I’m not sure.”
The daughter, who was getting impatient, stood up on her chair.
“Hey!” she said. “I’ll have you know. I want apples!”
“But first I have to get you something to drink. Would you like some water?”
“I want apples!”
Grandma ate Italian food in silence while Mom stared at a menu for an hour and a half and the daughter ate apples. When they finished, Mom paid, and they left. She tipped well, considering all they bought was $.50-worth of apple slices.
@jakethedog53: I sat and waited on a living Wes Anderson movie.