Friday, October 4, 2024
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Best Original Screenplay Is The Only Interesting Oscar Race And ‘The Lobster’ Should Win

With respect to the fools who dream, Sunday’s Academy Awards will not offer you much respite from the otherwise dreary state of the world. Any intrigue regarding upsets or dark horses has been rendered virtually nonexistent thanks to the one-two horse race of La La Land and Moonlight. Instead, any possibly captivating moments revolves around how Hollywood and its artists will react to the outside world.

What will Viola Davis say when she surely wins Best Supporting Actress? If Barry Jenkins and Moonlight wins Best Adapted Screenplay or Directing or improbably Best Picture, what message will he send to the world? What about Denzel? Or Chazelle? Casey Affleck—will he address those lingering allegations? What will he say? If nothing, what does that mean? If Isabelle Huppert somehow pulls an upset, will she accept the award and stare solemnly into the camera for 30 seconds? Then, when the music plays her off, will she whisper, “You all know what you’ve done,” before exiting the stage?

The words from virtually anyone will be political in some form or fashion. The Academy Awards will not offer refuge from our outside reality; instead it will reflect it. This is not a negative criticism. It’s really the only reason to watch this year, with the competition portion being so dull.

Except one category, that is. The only true event resides in the Best Original Screenplay matchup, the one division where each nominee could legitimately win: Manchester by the Sea (doesn’t work without Kenneth Lonergan’s tragic-yet-hilarious dialogue), 20th Century Women (captured three distinctly quirky generational feminists without being pedantic or pandering), Hell or High Water (had the balls to write a Jeff Bridges cowboy-type for Jeff Bridges), The Lobster (fully realized mania of dystopia through the lens of love and existence), La La Land (the script is La La Land’s weakest quality, but La La Land really might win everything).

You could argue the merit of any film winning, but don’t confuse merit with coronation. Only one film should win and that would be The Lobster.

The film regards a cryptic love hotel where single people must find a partner within 45 days or be transformed into an animal of their choosing. Between relationship propaganda videos and awkward prom dances, hotel visitors hunt in the woods where the “loners” live. If they are successful, they may extend their stay at the hotel.

I saw the film at the Florida Film Festival back in April and again when it hit theaters last summer. All these months later, my mind still wanders back to that hotel. I want to know everything about it: its history, that animal-transforming room, the questionnaire and interview process for employees, why did they discontinue the “bisexual” orientation option, the list of rules Colin Farrell’s David signed when he first checked in. That list, worth noting, is real. As Farrell admitted, the hotel’s rules were realized and written on that sheet of paper; it wasn’t some dumb JJ Abrams “mystery box.” If I could pay to visit that hotel, like a zoo, I would.

Constructing hotels doesn’t qualify a screenplay as exceptional (thought it can get you elected…). The dialogue and characters are deeply considered in their choices and thought. When prompted why he chose a lobster, David replies, “Because lobsters live for over one hundred years, are blue-blooded like aristocrats, and stay fertile all their lives. I also like the sea very much.” Those two sentence informs multitudes of David’s character, his desires toward eternal life, status, and strength; none of which he possesses. But David grasps how alien that seems to others, so he pulls back self-reflexively with that “sea” comment.

In its second half, the writing focuses its eye on The Loners. David escapes the hotel and joins them, discovering a totalitarian system with baroque notions of living. The Loners practice socialist ideas of shared status and equality for all; that is why love and intimacy is forbidden. But here David is allowed to be what he is: an outcast. He can be offbeat and reserved. Just as David finally embraces his loneliness, though, he discovers love with Rachel Weisz’s nameless character (she’s listed officially as “Short Sighted Woman”).

Yet again, David finds himself at war with expressing his true self within a social group. Because once their romance is unearthed by The Loners, they blind Weisz’s character through some devilish chicanery, and must cease their relationship if they wish to stay. David hatches yet another escape, returning to the world he previously left. By film’s end, he’s faced with a choice: a) blind himself to be one with his partner, b) lie to her that he did, or c) leave her behind. We never see what David does, though, as the film ends with Weisz waiting patiently for her mate to return.

I still wonder what David does—by which I mean I wonder, if presented with that situation, what I would’ve done. It captures a sentiment I’ve been trying to understand the past 10 years of my life: What would you sacrifice for love? Are you more in love with being in love than loving this love? Why does physical change impact an emotional state like it does to David? Because before his partner’s blinding, David believes this woman has confirmed all his notions of genuine connection he’d been seeking. Then, just as suddenly, David’s as lost and lonely as he’s ever been.

No film last year contains these imaginative layers of depth and world like The Lobster. It is truly original in every sense of the word. May it join the blue-blooded ranks at the Oscars and live forever.

The 5 Most Hilarious Final Jeopardy! Answers

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Last week, a young woman named Lily Chin went viral after finishing her two-night winning streak on Jeopardy!‘s College Championship by answering the final clue with, “Who is the spiciest memelord?” Chin’s question got us thinking: What are the four most other memorably Jeopardy! answers? Check out our picks—as well as video from Chin’s big moment—below.

“Who Is The Spiciest Memelord”

When Chin gave her answer, she’d already clenched the two-day competition. “It was probably the most checked math I’d ever done,” the MIT student said. “I didn’t want to give a joke answer and then end up losing.” As for the unique answer, Chin said she gave it as a joke to her friends back at school.

“Who is some guy in Normandy but I just won $75,000”

When providing the question for who said “The eyes of the world are upon you” in 1944 on the 2013 Jeopardy! Teen Tournament,17-year-old Leonard Cooper also decided to give a fantastic joke answer once he’d calculated that he’d clinched the win. “Who is some guy in Normandy but I just won $75,000,” he wrote in Final Jeopardy!, absolutely delighting host Alex Trebek.

“what is the love ballad of turd ferguson ps. hi mom :)”

In September 2015, contestant Talia Lavin was apparently stumped by the Final Jeopardy! clue “This song from a 1999 animated film about censorship had a word censored from its Oscar performance.” So she did what any reasonable person did and wrote “what is the love ballad of turd ferguson ps. hi mom :)” as her answer. The real answer, if you’re curious, was “Blame Canada” from South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.

“What is I have no idea.”

Screenshot via Jeopardy!

Sometimes honesty is the best approach. Stumped by the clue “Harpo Marx was among this group when it met in NYC’s Rose Room for its final time, in 1943, and found there was nothing left to say,” John Krizel wrote “What is I have no idea.” Alas, there’s no bonus for being truthful.

“Who is This handsome gentleman?”

Do you know the answer to “In 1891, this European said, ‘Perhaps my factories will put an end to war sooner than your congresses.’”? In June 2014, contestant Ari Voukydis didn’t either, so he wrote, “Who is This handsome gentleman?” We believe that answer alone should have secured him the victory.

Patrick Stewart Tells Hilarious Naughty Tale

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In the middle of his appearance with Hugh Jackman on the Graham Norton Show to promote their new flick Logan, Patrick Stewart tells hilarious naughty tell.

In the middle of the show, he share a conversation he had with with wife about his foreskin. After telling her that he was circumcised, Stewart’s wife replied, “You’re not circumcised.”  Stewart said he argued with her, saying it was “ridiculous” because he remembered his mom explaining to him why he was (“It was trendy at the time.”) He wife was insistent, so Stewart posed the question to his doctor later that week during a routine physical he happened to have scheduled. We don’t want to spoil the ending—or the revelation of whether or not Professor X has intact foreskin—but we assure you it’s worth watching the clip to find out.

RELATED:  How Cannabis Can Improve Your Sex Life 

Sir Patrick Stewart OBE is an English actor whose career has spanned seven decades in theatre, film, television, and video games. He has been nominated for Olivier, Tony, Golden Globe, Emmy, and Screen Actors Guild Awards. He received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1996, and was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II for services to drama in 2010.

Circumcision is most commonly being performed as a part of prophylactic healthcare, a religious obligation, or cultural practice.

Rates vary widely, from over 90% in Israel and many Muslim-majority countries, 86.3% in South Korea, to 80% in the United States, to 58% in Australia, to 45% in South Africa, to 20.7% in the United Kingdom, to under 1% in Japan and Honduras.

In 2016, the global prevalence of circumcision was estimated to be around 38%, with notable increases of circumcision prevalence seen in the United States, the Middle East; and Africa;

So, About That Life-Size Kanye-As-Jesus Statue That Showed Up On Hollywood Boulevard

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A life-size golden statue of Kanye West as Jesus on the cross appeared overnight on Hollywood Boulevard. The piece was created by Plastic Jesus, a well known artist of the area responsible for similar art works that criticize celebrity life and pop culture, including stuff like the drug induced death of Phillip Seymour Hoffman and a literal Oscar statuette snorting a line of cocaine. Yikes. 

The statue is titled False Idol and plays on the well worn belief that Kanye – and some of his fans – think that he is Jesus (Yeezy, anyone?). The artwork was unveiled Wednesday on the corner of Hollywood Boulevard and La Brea and will stay there for a short period of time before moving permanently to the artist’s gallery on Sunset Boulevard. The statue depicts a golden Kanye nailed to a cross, crown of thorns and all.

Plastic Jesus explained that the Kanye/Jesus statue (KanJesus, one might say) tries to represent the rapper’s recent decline in fame due to his controversial meeting with Trump and his mental health issues, which have been exploited by the media and discussed over and over on the internet in exhausting detail. 

It’s hard to know exactly what Kanye means, or if he really believes what he’s saying when he makes crazy statements like the fact that he considers himself God and that he’s running for president, but one thing is true. He’s very easy to talk about which, in our world, makes him art worthy. 


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France Is Now Teaching Eagles How To Intercept Drones

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Across the globe, we’ve seen law enforcement officials develop answers to eliminating drones possibly used by terrorists. One of those options: eagles.

Back in 2016, the Netherlands first tested the viability of eagles in the anti-drone arms race. They wanted to see if eagles could safely take down quadcopters without enduring any physical harm. Now France is following suit, training eagles to intercept possible rogue drones operated by terrorists.

Via The Local:

According to the French air force, drones constitute “a credible threat for a terrorist mode of action on our national territory just as they do for external operations.”

While current weapons to take down drones include “jammers” and other emerging technology, the air force sees eagles as the most effective and least expensive way to disable the devices.

French officials acquired eagle eggs last spring and started training them as soon as they were big enough. The eagles were taught that there’s food aboard the drones and are not only capable of attacking them, but also detecting the drones.

The eagle extraction is also cleaner than “jammers” or possibly shooting down the rogue drones and won’t cause crowds “any extra damage.” Besides all that, an eagle snatching a drone out of the sky just looks plain cool.


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9 Things You Probably Don’t Know About Anthony Bourdain’s New GF

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Famous food curmudgeon Anthony Bourdain has a new lady friend. After splitting from second wife Ottavia last September, he’s now hooking up with 41-year old Asia Argento. Never heard of her? She’s kind of a big deal in Italy. Here are nine facts to know about the stunning Italian bad-ass. And no, of course nobody spent hours taking a deep dive into her social media accounts to obtain this list. That would be embarrassing. (clears browsing history).

1. The two met while filming an episode of Parts Unknown together last year in the most romantic city in the world – Rome. (Oddly enough, Bourdain’s ex-wife Ottavia was born about 300 miles away in Sardinia, Italy). On the CNN blog, Bourdain writes:

The episode would not have been possible — or be anything like it is without the truly magnificent Asia Argento. She’s spent a lifetime in films — mostly in front of the cameras, but also — and quite notably — behind, directing most recently the remarkable and beautiful “Incompresa (Misunderstood).”

But most importantly, she was herself. Always honest, completely unsparing.

2. She’s an actress, best known for her role as Yelena in the xXx movie franchise starring Vin Diesel.

 

3. She’s the daughter of legendary horror filmmaker Dario Argento. He’s the guy on the right.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAZcDkRow1b

4. She posed with The Walking Dead‘s Norman Reedus for Purple Fashion magazine in 2003.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BQyT21PlHFF

5. She’s a mother to Ana and Nicola.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BK-qjZHAneO/

6. She’s been acting since she was 9-years old.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BHKjE6xDJXu

7. She’s active on Twitter.

8. She’s a talented photographer. Here’s a pic she took of Marilyn Manson.

https://www.instagram.com/p/9qQ0MKow67

9. Her and Bourdain’s body language suggest they’re in love.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BNdwQ_PjMlZ/

You Can Now Buy Greeting Cards With A Cannabis Kick

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Roses are red. Marijuana is green. Sugar is sweet. And I think you’re keen.

Clearly, my future as a writer for greeting cards is not too rosy. But entrepreneur Erik Komurek believes his new venture, Green Card Greetings, will be a huge hit.

Photo courtesy of Erik Komurek

“It’s our goal to be the Hallmark of the marijuana industry,” Komurek says boldly.

Greeting cards for weed? “Why not,” Komurek asks.

Green Card Greetings made its official debut last week at Seattle’s Cannacon, a three-day conference showcasing the latest technology and innovations in the nascent legal marijuana industry.

Komurek’s brainchild turns the idea of greeting card on its ear. Here is how he describes the genesis of the concept:

“How many times have you been invited to a birthday party or a housewarming party or something like that. Typically, I would go to the wine shop, pick up an appropriately priced bottle and find a fun wine bag to put the bottle in. It’s a simple way to solve the simple gift problem. No fuss, no muss. Our product is analogous to the wine bag.”

Indeed, Green Card Greetings has created a first-of-its-kind greeting card gift bag for cannabis. Each card is made from a food-quality bag with a childproof zipper. The 5-inch, by 7-inch card/bag is the perfect size to fit a pre-rolled joint or nug or concentrate. It will even accommodate some edible treats.

Photo courtesy of Erik Komurek

“I love seeing people’s reaction when they realize they can gift any marijuana item with our gift card/bags,” Komurek told The Fresh Toast. “It is heartwarming to know that our product creates happiness and promotes giving. Putting smiles on people’s faces is the most fulfilling job I’ve ever had.”

Komurek, who worked in the tech industry before starting his new company last year, spent about a year noodling over the concept and analyzing the market. In July, he decided the time was right to dive in.”After refining our proof-of-concept and finding the right materials, we decided to focus on Colorado as our first market to test our idea,” Komurek said. “We went to  35 marijuana retail stores in the state and 34 of them expressed interest. We knew then that we had a winner.”

The bags are designed to be reusable and are made to lock in the odor. The cards will be available for all major occasions that call for cards ( birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, get well, Valentine’s, etc.) “Right now, we have about 36 different designs, but we’ll be rolling out many more as we grow,” Komurek promises.

The cards retail for $4.99. For more information, check out Green Card Greetings.


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The 8 Oscar Nominees Who Might Use That Vaporizer In Their Gift Bag

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Awards shows are long, drawn-out, overproduced, self-aggrandizing machines of monotony. For the nominated attendees, they must endure hours of preparation, the red carpet gauntlet, and the slog of the award show to reach those three minutes when they learn if they win or not. Many will not win; blame La La Land. It sounds like the perfect time to smoke a little marijuana, don’t you think?

For the third consecutive year, a Haze Technologies vaporizer will be included in the Oscars “Everyone Wins” gift bag. This year it’s the The Haze Dual V3, the first and only dual-chamber vape on the market.

Now, Hollywood has some history with cannabis and awards show. Academy Award winner Jennifer Lawrence admitted she hit the bong before one Oscar ceremony.  Another Academy winner, Susan Sarandon, told Andy Cohen she’s been stoned at “almost all [awards shows] except the Oscars.” At the 2014 Emmys, Sarah Silverman showed off her vape pen at the red carpet.

As one source who’s tagged along with industry pals to various awards shows told Page Six, “There’s no getting around this: If the event takes place in LA, people will be smoking inside, outside, on the way in.” He also added: “These events are so long and drawn out, it could be that weed is the thing that makes them tolerable.”

Here’s what we’re trying to say: that Haze Dual V3 vape will get some usage. It’s not some kooky inclusion. But which of the Oscar nominees will puff the vape? We have some speculation.

Andrew Garfield And Emma Stone

The Amazing Spider-Man co-stars experienced a pretty high-profile relationship. They’ve since split, though are still extremely friendly exes to one another.

But during their relationship, the pair enjoyed a magical trip to Disneyland. Here’s how Garfield described it: “I was with my favorite people in the world, eight of my closest friends. They came out to L.A. to surprise me and we went to Disneyland and we ate pot brownies. And it was literally heaven.”

If you’re a down-some-pot-brownies-and-ride-it’s-a-small-world type, then correlation indicates you’re probably a indulges-in-free-vaporizers type.

Denzel Washington

Ryan Gosling

Here is what Ryan Gosling told GQ in 2010: “The problem with Hollywood is that nobody works. They have meals. They go to Pilates. But it’s not enough. So they do drugs.”

Sounds like a Bret Easton Ellis novel. Also related:

https://twitter.com/IrreverentRizzy/status/455662499845910528

Natlie Portman And Jeff Bridges

Admittedly these two are a firm maybe here. Of course Jeff Bridges famously played The Dude in The Big Lebowski, but he told Cigar Aficionada back in 2013 that he’s laid off the green since it’s become more legalized. “Now that pot is practically legal, I don’t smoke anymore. I’ve been off pot for a while,” he said.

Natalie Portman is a former smoker as well. As she said to Entertainment Weekly, “I love stoner comedies. I smoked weed in college, but I haven’t smoked in years.”

So maybe they won’t use it, but it’s a possibility is all we’re trying to say.

Michael Shannon

Mel Gibson

We have no idea if Mel Gibson enjoys cannabis. Instead, Gibson is on this list to remind you of two facts: a) the absurdity that Gibson was nominated for Best Director for Hacksaw Ridge and b) that there’s a weed strain named after him. This sentence from TMZ is essential reading: “[O]ne dispensary employee tells us the Mel strain got its name because, ‘Once you smoke it, it’s supposed to make you go ballistic.’ ”


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Paid Sex Breaks At Work? This Swedish Councilor Wants It To Happen

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Here’s a productivity hack that we all should go ahead and try during the workday tomorrow. A Swedish councilor is floating the notion that employees’ performance would get a boost if they were allowed paid sex breaks at work.

He thinks workers should be allowed a one hour break every day to go home to their partners to get busy. This, he says, would invigorate people to get back to the daily desk grind while maintaining strong relationships with their significant others.

“There are studies that show sex is healthy,” Per-Erik Muskos, a 42-year-old city councillor for the town of Övertorneå, told the AFP news agency. He’s right: Sex is good for the heart, physical contact lowers blood pressure, regular sex can make your immune system healthier, and orgasms are up there with meditation and exercise for melting away stress.

As Quartz notes, Sweden’s approach to working life is a lot different from Americans’ to begin with:

That a small-town Swedish politician would encourage sex-breaks is not hugely surprising. In the work-life balance equation, Swedes clearly value life: two or three times a day, it’s common to have fika, or coffee breaks, to help them disconnect, recharge and eat sweets. The country boasts 480 days of paid parental leave which can be shared between parents, and it has experimented with a six-hour work day (for which employees are paid for eight).

What is remarkable is that Muskos sees the logical time slot for the health-driven sex as being during the work day. Swedes already enjoy a relatively easy work schedule —an average of 1612 hours per year, according to the OECD, 9% percent less than the OECD average. And it does not appear that they are burning the midnight oil working late: only 1% of Swedes work overtime, according to the OECD Better Life Index.

So, they have coffee and pastry breaks, tons of time off for raising families, and super-short workdays in comparison to the rest of the world. Add regularly scheduled sexy time to that equation? Sounds like we’re all moving to Sweden.

 

Sean Spicer And Recreational Marijuana: What He Got Wrong

During the White House Press Briefing on February 23rd, 2017, Press Secretary Sean Spicer replied to a reporter’s question regarding the dissonance between Department of Justice’s enforcement of marijuana laws and states’ rights regarding the usage for both medicinal and recreational.

While it is commendable and comforting to hear President Donald Trump empathizes with the pain and suffering that terminally ill patients endure and recognizes cannabis as a homeopathic remedy to ease their symptoms, it was equally disconcerting that the Trump Administration will not recognize individual state laws as they apply to recreational use.

By ignoring state laws where recreational use of cannabis is legal, the Trump Administration is choosing to ignore constituent wishes and jeopardize state programs funded by tax revenue. By picking and choosing where they ignore states rights, Attorney General Jeff Sessions thumbs his nose at one of the most traditional of Republican values, and directly contradicts his sworn testimony during his confirmation hearing where he stated that he would not stop legal programs that states adopt “absolutely.”

To cement the case against recreational marijuana, Mr. Spicer attempted to draw a connection between cannabis and opioid abuse. Research continually proves that marijuana is not a gateway drug, and data confirms that addiction rates for opioids outstrip cannabis the way NASCAR outpaces mall walking.

Public opinion also strongly favors marijuana legalization, across party lines and through every age demographic. Restricting legal access to cannabis increases opioid addiction and the death rates associated with it. Simply put, legal access to cannabis has shown dramatic reduction in demand for opioids

Stricter enforcement of federal cannabis laws only serves to stretch government resources for very little gain; it will limit jobs, lessening tax revenue. Illegal importation will increase, putting funds in the hands of criminals and lowering quality with no regulations governing growth and distribution, leading to more insidious crimes.

With no evidence to back a regression in enforcement policies, President Trump and Attorney General Sessions squander resources that improve homeland security, education, and healthcare. Economic growth in the industry is expected to surpass 800 percent over the next decade to over $50 billion. Regressive enforcement is simply bad business.

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