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Guard Busted For Playing Pocket Pool While Watching NFL Cheerleaders

Taylor Berman
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Guard Busted For Playing Pocket Pool While Watching NFL Cheerleaders

A man who works for Elite Security, the company tasked with providing additional security at San Diego Chargers games, was caught on camera during Sunday’s Chargers-Raiders doing something that looks a whole lot like masturbating. The apparent wanking took place as the man stood guard in front of the Chargers’ cheerleaders and was recorded by a fan, who posted the video to Facebook. That video was eventually taken down, but remains up on Twitter and other websites.

“So clearly Elite Security nor the San Diego Chargers care that they have a masturbating security guard at the game,” a woman who attended the game wrote, according to the New York Post. “Several attempts to call both organizations with no concern for the Charger Girls, Chargers fans or kids. So yeah this happened right in front of us yesterday. WARNING INAPPROPRIATE CONTENT!”

https://twitter.com/LOV_app/status/811104147797921793

Elite Security quickly released a statement about the alleged masturbator.

“Elite has become aware of the social media post of inappropriate actions of an Elite staff member at Qualcomm Stadium on December 18th. Elite has employed thousands of people over the past 21 years, insists on the highest moral standards from our employees and regrets this isolated incident. Elite is currently investigating the incident and has no additional comment at this time.”

The San Diego Chargers also released a statement.

“We are aware of the disturbing actions of an Elite security staff member at Sunday’s game. We apologize to any fans who may have witnessed the incident. Elite Security is currently investigating the incident and has vowed to take immediate and appropriate action.”

As of Tuesday afternoon, no charges had been filed against the man, according to the Post.

A Holiday Gift Guide For The Marijuana Noob In Your Life

TFT Editors
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A Holiday Gift Guide For The Marijuana Noob In Your Life

With recreational and medical marijuana becoming legal in more and more states, it’s likely someone you know will try it for the first time—or for the first time in decades—and decide they’d like to imbibe regularly. But being a novice, they’re not exactly sure what tools and accessories they need to get the most out of their new stoned experiences. This is where you, the consider holiday gift giver, can help them out with some top notch cannabis gear. But what should you buy? Reader, let us help you.

Pax 2 or 3 Vaporizer

https://www.instagram.com/p/BNiJGhEBGfw/

We have first-hand experience with the Pax 2 for just over a year now and we’re happy to report that it’s a top-notch vaporizer: easy to use, decent battery life, a clean and nice smoke. So at $199, we certainly recommend it. But we’re dying to try the new Pax 3, which allows you to vaporize cannabis extract as well as loose leaf pot. If your new-to-marijuana pal isn’t sure why he or she would need a vaporizer like the Pax, tell them about its possible health benefits, its portability, and the reduced pot odor it produces. Also, it comes in cool colors.

Zip Grinders—Large Herb Grinder

An underrated tool for the pot smoker is a good reliable grinder. Sure, any head shop or corner bodega will have one, but the best that we’ve found is Zip Grinders’ Large Herb Grinder, which is currently on sale on Amazon for $16.95. It grinds the herb into even, easily-rollable or packable chunks, which fall into an middle section that can double as short-term storage for the bud if you accidentally grind too much. There’s also a section at the bottom—separated from the main storage area by a fine mesh screen—that collects excess keef.

TightVac Six Ounce Vacuum Storage Container

Now that your friend or loved one has stocked up with several strains from their local dispensary, they are now faced with the problem of how to keep their buds fresh. A good, vacuum storage container should do the trick. The TightVac isn’t much to look at as is (though you could always decorate it before gifting it), but it’s affordable and gets the job done.

Good Headphones

Sennheiser

Whether the person you’re buying a gift for smokes pot for medicinal or recreational purposes, they should know that smoking or ingesting a little weed and then listening to music is one of the best things on Earth to do. What better way to help them enjoy music in a new way than giving them a pair of excellent headphones. At $85, the Sony MDR-7506 cans are a great choice for those on a tighter budget; if you want to spend a bit more, the Sennheiser HD 598s are fantastic.

Five-Pound Bag of Gummy Bears

Haribo

Because the munchies are no joke.

How Colo. And Washington Dispelled The Myth That Rec Weed Will Make Teens Drug Addicts

Mike Adams
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How Colo. And Washington Dispelled The Myth That Rec Weed Will Make Teens Drug Addicts

Teens living in Colorado and Washington are using less marijuana now than they did when it was illegal, according to federal data.

It seems while marijuana prohibitionists cannot help but lean on old-school propaganda tactics when trying to combat the progress of the marijuana movement, the latest findings from the National Survey on Drug Use and Health provides additional evidence suggesting that all of the noise about legal marijuana turning children into smokers is simply talk.

The survey shows that only around 18 percent of the kids in Colorado (ages 12 to 17) reportedly used marijuana at some point between 2014 and 2015. Incidentally, these numbers are a couple of points lower than the findings from the federal government’s previous report.

An analysis from the Washington Post indicates that teen marijuana use has been on the decline in Colorado and Washington since the two states became the first in the nation to bring down the scourge of prohibition. However, the decreases found in the figures, at the time, were not significant enough for pot proponents to throw mud in Uncle Sam’s eye.

But things have changed.

“Survey after survey is finding little change in rates of teen marijuana use despite big changes in marijuana laws around the nation,” Masson Tvert, spokesperson for the Marijuana Policy Project, told The Fresh Toast in a statement. “Colorado and Washington are dispelling the myth that regulating marijuana for adult use will somehow cause an increase in use among adolescents.”

Interestingly, the government’s latest report shows that teen marijuana use is actually down more in legal states than it is in jurisdictions still hell bent on enforcing a prohibitionary standard.

Earlier last week, the new Monitoring the Future study, which is a products of the National Institute on Drug Abuse, revealed that eighth, tenth and twelfth graders all across the nation are consuming no more marijuana these day, since the onset of legalization, than they were 20 years ago.

In fact, the survey found that 68.5 percent of high school seniors “disapprove” of pot smoking.

Of course, the results of this report completely baffled the brains of federal health officials.

“I don’t have an explanation,” Dr. Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse,  told U.S. News. “This is somewhat surprising. We had predicted based on the changes in marijuana legalization, culture in the U.S. as well as decreasing perceptions among teenagers that marijuana was harmful that [accessibility and use] would go up. But it hasn’t gone up.”

Unfortunately, marijuana advocates do not have much faith in the herb’s opposing forces backing down when it comes to slinging nonsense in an effort to prevent other states from going fully legal.

“Legalization opponents will surely continue to make dire predictions about teens, so lawmakers and voters need to be informed about these government reports that invalidate them,” Tvert said.

It is important to point out that while the decrease in teen marijuana consumption has certainly not plummeted to sober-levels since states began to legalize, the fact that those numbers have remained rather stagnant throughout the years is enough in the arsenal to combat prohibitionist swill about legal weed being a detriment to children.

Great Moments In 2016: That Time Texas Students Fought Open-Carry Laws With Dildos

Brendan Bures
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Great Moments In 2016: That Time Texas Students Fought Open-Carry Laws With Dildos

A group of students have recently taken matters into their own hands with the Cocks not Glocks campaign.

As a student walking around University of Texas’ Austin campus this week, it’s a possibility you might walk past a dildo staring back at you. That’s because UT student-activists are protesting a new law that allows handgun license holders the right to carry concealed weapons into university buildings and classrooms. Their slogan: Cocks not Glocks.

While Texas lawmakers decided to pass campus carry legislation in 2015, the implementation of those laws didn’t take effect until Aug. 1 of this year. The intention was to allow universities proper time to plan procedures on campuses throughout the state.

Three UT-Austin professors recently attempted to block the law, filing a lawsuit against the university and the state’s attorney office, but a federal judge denied the suit. As the Texas Tribune wrote: “In the suit, the professors said the possibility of guns on campus could stifle class discussion in their courses, which touch on emotional issues like gay rights and abortion. They argued that was a violation of students’ First Amendment right to free speech.”

A group of students have recently taken matters into their own hands with the Cocks not Glocks campaign. This week, the group passed out 4,500 dildos to interested students who were willing to strap the dildos to their backpacks or display them in a public manner, in an attempt to persistently remind others of the carry law.

As Rosie Zander, a Campus Coordinator involved with the movement, explains in the Houston Chronicle video below: “Texas penal code states that you can’t have obnoxious or phallic objects openly carried in Texas. So you can’t carry your dildo openly in Texas, but you can now bring your glock into a classroom. We’re protesting the absurd gun laws with more absurdity.”

Ana López, a Cocks not Glocks organizer and vice president and co-founder of Students Against Campus Carry, said the group received donations from local Austin companies like Forbidden Fruit and Hustler Hollywood. In addition, a UT spokesperson informed the Austin American-Statesman that it would not be persecuting the Cocks not Glocks students, saying, “This appears to be protected political speech.”

Photos of the protest below prove one thing for certain: This movement is memorable, and more importantly, seems like it could just be effective.

After Maine Marijuana Legalization, Conn. Also Looking At Recreational

Al Olson
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After Maine Marijuana Legalization, Conn. Also Looking At Recreational

The East Coast marijuana legalization victories in Maine and Massachusetts may have a greater impact as the U.S. shifts to a more marijuana-friendly nation.  Why?

Last Thursday, Massachusetts officially legalized marijuana, making it the first state east of Colorado to do so. The Regulation and Taxation of Marijuana Act allows people to carry up to one ounce of marijuana, as well as to keep up to 10 ounces in their homes.

“The tone has changed since Massachusetts have passed their referendum on marijuana legalization. So I think it is an opportunity (for) Connecticut to move forward with this legislation, New Haven Democratic State Rep. Juan Candelaria told WWLP. “If we really want to tackle the issue I think we can have legalization ready to go by the end of the fiscal year,”  Candelaria added.

“What we are seeing is Cannafest Destiny — an unstoppable wave of legalization is moving from the West Coast to the East Coast,” said David Rheins, founder and executive director of the Marijuana Business Association. “The majority of Americans recognize that the War on Drugs has been a terrible failure, and the states are quickly learning that legal cannabis brings with it jobs, tax revenues and increased tourism.”

When four states voted in November to legalize recreational adult use of marijuana, most of the media attention was laser focused on California and, to a lesser extent, Nevada.

There is no doubt that California was the big enchilada for the cannabis industry: The Golden State is the world’s sixth largest economy and most analysts forecast that the state will garner nearly $4 billion in tax revenue by 2020. Many called California’s resounding vote a game-changing tipping point for the industry.

And on Monday, a recount in Maine was aborted, meaning the vote to legalize will move forward.

What is so groundbreaking about these two states passing progressive cannabis laws is that it puts pressure on the neighboring states to move in that direction. Why would a state struggling to balance its budget walk away from tax revenue its neighbors are collecting?

Other states in the Northeast are also keeping a close watch on what happens in Massachusetts and Maine. As 2016 winds down, here is what 2017 could look like in New England:

Connecticut

Rep. Candelaria has been fighting for marijuana reform and has introduced a recreational laws for the past two years. His proposals, to date, have yet to get a public hearing. But he is confident that 2017 will be different.

Joe Aresimowicz, the state’s incoming Speaker of the House said Candelaria’s proposal will get a full public hearing in the new legislative session that starts next month. I’m going to be pushing very hard,”Candelaria said. “I’m going to be engaging my leadership in conversation to at least allow a public hearing.” Gov. Dannel Malloy has stated in the past that he is opposed to legalization.

New Hampshire

The New Hampshire House of Representatives passed a legalization bill in 2014, but the bill went nowhere in the Senate. In 2016,  three legalization bills were filed, but two were rejected and the third is stuck in committee.

Of all the New England states, New Hampshire appears to be the most entrenched in its opposition to progressive marijuana legislation. But the state shares its entire eastern border with Maine and its southern border with Massachusetts. So citizens of New Hampshire will have easy access to legal cannabis and their tax dollars will be going to the government coffers of the neighboring states. At some point, the economic pressure may be too much for even the most hard-headed politician.

Rhode Island

For the past five years,  Rhode Island legislators have filed legalization bills to no avail, but there are signs that 2017 will be different. A bill in introduced earlier this year had 17 co-sponsors (out of 38 senators), and the House bill had more than 30 co-sponsors. The concept had bipartisan support in the state, with Republican House Leader Brian Newberry openly championing the idea.

“Talk to any high school kid and they’ll tell you it’s easier to get pot than alcohol,’’ Newberry said, explaining why he feels the laws must conform to reality.

House Speaker Nick Mattiello, a longtime critic of marijuana legalization, is becoming “more open-minded” on the topic, his spokesman Larry Berman said. Why? Economics.

Mattiello sees the opportunity for the state government to collect a meaningful chunk of tax revenue.

Vermont

The Green Mountain state is likely to be the next state to legalize the herb. Outgoing Gov. Peter Shumlin supported marijuana legalization. Vermont, which create a medical marijuana program in 2011, is seen as a progressive state that is open to cannabis legalization. Earlier this year, Vermont’s medicinal law was expanded to include chronic pain. The registration of patients is expected to go from the current 2,700 to more than 6,000. For many experts, the step to full legalization will be an easy one.

This month, Shumlin invited residents convicted of possessing small amounts of marijuana to apply for pardons. He declared that the hw will use the governor’s pardoning power “to expedite our move to a saner drug policy and criminal justice system.”

Watch: The New Mummy Trailer Got Uploaded With A Major Goof

Sam Jones
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Watch: The New Mummy Trailer Got Uploaded With A Major Goof

Why the world needs another The Mummy movie 18 years after Stephen Sommers’ trilogy is unclear. Was Brendan Fraser not enough? That’s a ridiculous question, Brendan Fraser is always enough.

But this franchise reboot will have been worth it, if only for the ridiculous half-baked trailer that made the rounds on the internet after a social media manager at IMAX goofed, hard.

Someone uploaded the trailer of the new Mummy movie, coming out in 2017, to the official IMAX YouTube page. Somehow, only half of the trailer had sound effects. It was just random screams and grunts from Tom Cruise and his co-stars as they’re jostled around a cargo plane, sucked out into the air, and ride that thing all the way to the ground. Cruise’s screams and weird yelps are the only things audible, until halfway through, when the sound effects and music miraculously return.

Without the mummified sound and music, it’s hard to tell that this even is a reboot at first. But director Alex Kurtzman swears it’s totally different from any Tom Cruise movie you’ve seen. He told EW:

“There’s an origin story happening on two different fronts. I won’t tell you too much more than that, other than to say: One of the things that I think has defined Tom Cruise movies, for 30 years, is that Tom Cruise always saves the day. You know whenever you’re in a Tom Cruise movie that he’s gonna figure out a way to save the day. And that’s great, and it’s why I pay my money to see his movies. However, in the context of a monster movie, it’s challenging, because monster movies are about characters who are often very out of control, and don’t know how to save the day. The first thing I said to Tom was, ‘It’ll be scarier if we can take away the fundamental knowledge that you’re gonna solve the problem.’”

Eh, I dunno dude, it looks an awful lot like Mission Impossible with the ancient undead.

The video’s been wiped off the face of the ‘net by the copyright holders, for the most part, but god bless people: There are still remnants of this beautiful moment left floating around the web. Like this, with the audio from The Mummy trailer mishap overlaid on a scene from Rogue One:

And then there’s this version, with “Jingle Bell Rock” standing in for the sound effects:

The internet comes through for us, again.

See the actual, full-sound-effect version of the trailer, here:

Pinch Us, We’re Dreaming: Merriam-Webster Announces Word Of The Year

Sam Jones
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Pinch Us, We’re Dreaming: Merriam-Webster Announces Word Of The Year

If current events have left you wondering how this is real life, or whether you’ve been sent to an alternative dimension where up is down and opinions are facts, you’re not alone: Merriam-Webster has deemed 2016’s word of the year “surreal.”

Merriam-Webster editor-at-large Peter Sokolowski told NPR that the word “surreal” sees the most hits after a national or global tragedy:

“It’s a term that we have associated with tragedy for a number of years. It was one of the most looked-up words after 9/11, and then after that we noticed after the Newtown shootings, and after the Boston Marathon bombing, and Robin Williams’ suicide, for example. That was the word that people turned to.”

For a while, it was looking like “fascism” would be our word of the year. But Sokolowski says that word pops up enough times throughout the years that its prevalence in lookups this year wasn’t exceptional. For surreal, however, there were just enough “holy shit” moments in 2016 that it saw many spikes. There were eight or 10 spikes for different reasons throughout the year, around newsworthy times: The presidential election, the Brussels attack and the Bastille Day massacre in Nice, France, to name a few.

The word is defined as “marked by the intense irrational reality of a dream; unbelievable, fantastic.” It’s safe to say we’re not talking about the beautiful kind of dream, but one that’s so surreal it’s hard to believe we’re not asleep.

Lifestyle and Entertainment with sides of cannabis, hot-mess, musicians, comedians and medical information. Want more? Check out “People Are Freaking About About Sapiosexuality: What You Need To Know,” “How The NBA And Fans Paid Tribute To Craig Sager’s Iconic Fashion Sense,” “VIDEO: This Guy Is Proof The Holidays Make You Insane In The Kitchen“

Impress Your Old-School Relatives With These Impeccable Cannabis Cookies

Danielle Guercio
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Impress Your Old-School Relatives With These Impeccable Cannabis Cookies

Pignoli cookies don’t look like much when you’re a kid. They resemble ‘adult’ cookies, not as visually appealing as a dollop of jam or a shell of tasty icing. I wish I could have told my young self she couldn’t be more wrong about Pignoli cookies.

The crisp delights are robed in nutty, oily, mild flavored pine nuts, which mingle with the sharp sweetness of the almond to make an unforgettable texture. The overall effect of this cookie is a smooth and chewy indulgence that you can’t help but become a fan of. It’s an old school favorite that could easily turn into the next big trend if it ever caught on.

These are easy to assemble, though a bit expensive to procure, you won’t be let down. Pine nuts and almond paste are costly ingredients, but they are special and should be treated as such. Not all cookies are for everyday snacking.

Due to the high oil content of the almond paste, working in a wax or cannabis concentrate is like playing with play doh. This means you get an intense potency that would be perfect for knocking out that one asshole uncle so he just takes a nap.

Photo by Danielle Guercio

Pignoli Cookies

(Adapted from Italian Food Forever 2011)

  • 5oz Pine nuts
  • ½ cup Powdered sugar
  • ½ cup Granulated sugar
  • ¼ tsp Salt
  • 2 Egg whites
  • ¼ cup Flour
  • 1 cup Almond paste
  • .5 g Cannabis concentrate (hash Kief oil butter wax all work)
Photo by Danielle Guercio

Preheat the oven to 300 degrees Fahrenheit. Use a silpat or silicone baking mat with your sheet pans for best results. Take half the almond paste and work in decarboxylated concentrate with your hands. Fold and press in until uniformly mixed with the almond paste. In a bowl, sift together both sugars and flour.

Photo by Danielle Guercio

Use a pastry cutter to work almond paste into dry ingredients. When mixture resembles fine crumbs, add egg whites in small amounts until dough comes together, you may not need them all. Dough will be a little sticky, use wet fingers to pinch off 1” ball. Roll in pine nuts and place on mat. Bake 20 minutes, rotating halfway. Pull mats onto wire racks to cool. Allow to cool 100% before moving, eating, or removing from mat.

Store 2 weeks in airtight container, 4 weeks in fridge, indefinitely in freezer.

Photo by Danielle Guercio

Make these classy cookies to bring generations together, just take it ½ a cookie at a time if you’re a beginner. I suppose the younger generation will have to take the lead on dosage.

Photos Danielle Guercio [Instagram @danizig]

 

Cheers! Absurd Beer Flavors We’d Like To See In 2017

Jacob Uitti
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Cheers! Absurd Beer Flavors We’d Like To See In 2017

There are two tasty and timeless consumables with flavors people keep experimenting with: beer and potato chips. Each year, Lay’s unveils new flavors like Bacon Mac and Cheese or Creamy Garlic Caesar Salad chips (why no one has invented pesto or chicken parmesan potato chips is still beyond me). And now breweries are picking up the trend with beers like Rogue’s Sriracha Stout or Shmaltz Brewing’s Pastrami Pils. And while many might say, “Yuck, leave beer to its traditional flavors, please!,” we say, “Keep It Up!”

Food is meant to be experimented with.  All those parents who told us not to play with our food (or our beer) had it all wrong! You don’t get cheddar and sour cream ruffled chips without breaking a few rules. And you don’t get lavender black current cider or a jalapeno Kolsch without trying a few bad recipes in between. But thankfully there are some breweries trying new things — have you read this? — and, with that in mind, we want to offer you some thoughts for new beer ideas based on tastes we love, a few tastes that miiiiiight take brews too far and a couple weird beers out now that we adore. Cheers!

Beer flavors I’d like to see in 2017:

Brownie a la Mode:


via GIPHY

Dessert and drinking always go together. Imagine a thick, chocolaty beer with some vanilla bean notes. I’m drunk just fantasizing about it.

Turkey Leg:


via GIPHY

Just light enough to make this work. Feels like a turkey leg beer would taste a lot like a Bass lager, somehow. There’d be dark, savory notes but there would also be an easy, lighter tone to the brew. I’d try it!

3-Cheese:


via GIPHY

Not heavy like a steak or other dark meat, but stinky and yeasty enough to work in suds form. I’d pick parmesan, Asiago and Swiss cheese as my blends for this brew.

Pho:


via GIPHY

Pho is super flavorful but it’s also easy to drink. There are so many bright spices in pho, especially when not using beef broth, can be effervescent and lovely. The perfect two descriptors for beer.

Maybe a couple of beer flavors that would go too far:

Pot Roast:


via GIPHY

Too thick, too heavy, too bloody. Any thick meat – even if you get the flavors down the their essence (not, say, boiling pot roast in the brew mash but getting black pepper and other individual flavors in), it would still be too much and feel more like swallowing a pot roast milkshake than anything else.

Spaghetti and Meatballs:


via GIPHY

Too salty and too meaty. Some foods are meant to stay foods – even though we love spaghetti and meatballs practically more than life itself.

Food that should be flavored like beer:

Doughnuts:


via GIPHY

Wake yourself up with a sugary breakfast that tastes like a floral session IPA or a malty Scotch Ale. Trick your mind into thinking it’s happy hour when really it’s just 8am on a Tuesday.

Rice:


via GIPHY

Imagine heaping some Thai ginger chicken onto pilsner-flavored rice. That would be delicious! Light, flavorful, it would hit you on your palate and pleasantly in the nose. What a gift!

Two flavored beer oddities that exist right now:

Right Brain Brewery’s Mangalitsa Pig Porter: 

This beer is brewed with actual smoked Mangalitsa pig bones and heads! Yuck. Just…yuck. Also Rogue makes a bacon and maple syrup beer that also sounds bad. Don’t put pork in beer. Pork is too hard on the stomach to digest in a quickly-quffed brew!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDnrhPvo5JY/

Wells Young Brewing’s Banana Bread:

Okay, this actually sounds decent. It could be nasty — too sweet, too banana-y — but it could also maybe be good. Many people describe hefeweizens as tasting like banana (like Hacker Pschorr’s), so maybe this one actually has a chance?

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOBF7JJhn2K/

Consume is an essential source for food and beverage news, trends, tips, original recipes and everything in between. Want to read more? Try these posts: Cheese Lattes Are Now A Thing,                9 Of The Best Pumpkin Beers In America, and What I Ate Today: Coquine’s Katy Millard.

Untapped: 9 Places We Wish Served Alcohol, But Don’t (Yet)

Jillian Peterson
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Untapped: 9 Places We Wish Served Alcohol, But Don’t (Yet)

The Happiest Place On Earth is living up to its name by including more alcohol to its restaurant roster.

According to the Orlando Sentinel, four more restaurants at Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom will begin serving wine and beer December 23.  If Santa’s working the taps, it will be the merriest of Christmases!

Here are 9 other places we think should be serving alcohol, for obvious reasons.

Apple Store

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOHViBwhx57

Since we spend so much time here anyway, why not turn that Genius Bar into the real thing. A couple bottles of liquor, a few beers on draught and some wine is all it will take to turn a grizzly crowd of techno-gripers into subdued drunks. “You spilled coffee on your keyboard? Here, have some of this Pinot Noir to make it all better.” It really is that simple.

Forever 21

https://www.instagram.com/p/BONVtA8B_k1

Everyone who shops here is of legal drinking age, yes?

Cost Plus World Market

https://www.instagram.com/p/BNqWao2jqLZ/

Imagine what their international beer selection would look like!

Trader Joe’s

https://www.instagram.com/p/BONIYlShoJo/

Fearless Flyer needs to be the name of a bar. Plus, think of all the refreshing drinks they could make with coconut water and cheap wine! Make it a double, Bartender Joe!

Anthropologie

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMsLruzg-oi/

Nothing will take the sting off that $400 tank top purchase like a neat whiskey. Bonus: personalized glassware!

Home Depot

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOLFLqNjXIH/

Just keep the bar away from the electric saws. Unless you have to build it first? Could be a cool schtick.

Walmart

https://www.instagram.com/p/e_MdbPLs2N

This might be a shit show waiting to happen, but the people watching alone would make this the best bar in town, no? Plus, we’re gonna need something to wash down all those deep-fried Oreos.

Target


via GIPHY

As one Fresh Toast editor puts it: “You don’t know what kind of person you are until you go to Target with a little cash and a nice buzz.”

IKEA

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMryoIxgBNY

But seriously. How does anyone shop here without being drunk? Alcohol > soft serve.

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