Whenever you worry about the future of this world, you should remind yourself that at this exact moment a teen is somewhere doing something incredible and awe-inspiring. There are 15-year-olds selflessly volunteering at homeless shelters, 16-year-olds studying U.S. history so they can one day become country-changing politicians, 17-year-olds writing great songs that will move our culture forward, 18-year-olds studying medicine and science in the hope that they’ll someday invent life-saving drugs, and 19-year-olds who are doing sick donuts in the parking lots of police departments in Canada.
One such 19-year-old was, unfortunately, arrested and charged with dangerous operation of a motor vehicle after officers at the Ontario Provincial Police station in Sudbury heard “an engine revving and tires squealing” in their parking lot, as sudbury.com reports.
The officers walked outside of their department and spotted the teen speeding in circles in the parking lot, with his window down so he could shout obscenities at the officers. As soon as he slowed down, the cops arrested the man, who hasn’t been identified. The heroic/dumb teen is due in court December 21.
There has been a lot of discussion lately in the trenches of the marijuana reform movement that President Obama might perform some last-minute executive magic toward the end of his term intended to reschedule marijuana.
Some of the movement’s most vocal advocates have even gone as far as to suggest that the recent comments from White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest, in which he used the phrase “at this point” when discussing the President’s latest word on national cannabis reform, may imply Obama is on the verge of flipping the kill switch of nationwide pot prohibition.
“The fact that Earnest used the phrase “at this point” to qualify the statement that this president isn’t announcing any specific marijuana moves gave advocates some hope that the administration still might have something in the works before Donald Trump is inaugurated on January 20,” wrote Tom Angell, chairman of the Marijuana Majority.
What Earnest was referring to when telling reporters, “I don’t think the president at this point was trying to signal any specific policy change,” was an exit interview published last week by Rolling Stone magazine, where Obama said he believed marijuana should be regulated in the same manner as two of the most popular drugs in the world— alcohol and cigarettes.
“I am not somebody who believes that legalization is a panacea,” Obama said. “But I do believe that treating this as a public-health issue, the same way we do with cigarettes or alcohol, is the much smarter way to deal with it.”
Although President Obama has commuted more sentences for non-violent drug offenders than the past several presidents combined, he has maintained for years that the legalization of marijuana in the United States should be an issue handled by Congress — giving no indication whatsoever that he plans to exercise his pot power and push for the herb to be rescheduled under the Controlled Substances Act.
Still, Angell seems to think that it is possible that Obama could have a change of heart in the final days of his administration and lobby for the cannabis plant to be removed from the confines of its Schedule I classification.
“It is also possible that Obama could direct the attorney general to pass cannabis rescheduling proceedings before leaving office,” Angell wrote, adding that this would likely be a fruitless effort, as the Trump Administration would be faced with making the final decision.
President-elect Donald Trump, who has said he supports states rights and medical marijuana, is currently recruiting a cabinet that is, so far, less than progressive when it comes to marijuana reform. As it stands, Trump’s selection for U.S. Attorney General, Alabama Senator Jeff Sessions, and his pick for secretary of Health and Human Services, U.S. Representative Tom Price, both adamantly opposed to marijuana legalization, would likely snuff out any petition Obama put into motion in the next month aimed at rescheduling marijuana.
Last week, we told you all to follow the excellent Instagram account AnimalsBeingNice. While we stand by our recommendation, we feel as though we’d be doing you a disservice if we didn’t remind you about all the wonderful photos, videos, and GIFs of cute and funny animals being jerks to each other.
For example, here’s a nice little kitten rudely swatting at his yawning dog friend’s tongue.
For some reason, this woman thought she can enjoy her ice cream cone in peace with her cat and dog looking on. She thought wrong. What’s most impressive is that both pets attack at nearly the exact same time.
We wonder what this mischievous bird was thinking when he pushed his turtle friend off of a ledge and into a trash can. It’s of course hard to know everything from a short GIF, but based on the little evidence we have it seems as though this bird is rude as hell.
AnimalsBeingDicks
Even dolphins can be dicks, as evidenced by this one who knocked his bud out of the air. Very inconsiderate, though perhaps it was an innocent mistake.
AnimalsBeingJerks
This lil pup learned the hard way that if you try to steal your bigger dog friend’s prize box, you might get peed on.
When you have a dog with ball running around, you’re not going to be able to spin like 60 hoola hoops around for very long.
Sure the cat looks cute and relaxed here, like he wants you to scratch his belly, but we should all know by now that such a posture is a clear and obvious trap.
Last year, police say Glenna Duram shot and killed her husband, Martin Duram. There were no witnesses to the murder, except for one: An African grey parrot named Bud, who may be called upon to testify during Duram’s trial this month.
Bud now lives with Martin Duram’s first wife, who says video she shot weeks after the murder shows Bud mimicking Martin’s voice saying “Don’t fucking shoot.”
“He’s using Marty’s voice,” she told WOOD TV, adding that Bud repeats the phrase at least once a few times a week. “It’s intense when it happens,” she said. “My house turns cold.”
“[Bud] was there to see it all,” she added. “And he heard it. It imprinted in his brain. He can’t let it go. And that’s awful.”
Bud was well-known for having a good memory…and a way with expletives. “That bird picks up anything and everything,” the victim’s mother, Lillian Duram, told NBC News in June. “He’s got the filthiest mouth around.”
The prosecutor in the case has told local news outlets that he hasn’t ruled out calling on Bud to testify.
“This is unusual,” NBC analyst Lisa Bloom said Friday. “We don’t often have an animal being called to come in and testify as an eyewitness to a murder.”
Australia is a dangerous place filled with all sorts of wild, fearsome animals. There are dick-biting spiders, drug-uncovering crows, fake doctors responsible for botched testicle surgeries, and—based on the video below—at least one man unafraid to punch a big-ass kangaroo directly in the face.
The clip shows a man riding in the back of a pickup truck through what appears to be the Australian Outback. A few seconds into the video, the truck stops and the man leaps out and runs towards a kangaroo, which has a dog in a headlock. The man tries to scare the kangaroo before the two face each other as if they were about to box. The man throws a single punch, striking the ‘roo in the face, then turns around and gathers his dog.
Steven Stubenrauch posted the video to Facebook yesterday morning. My buddy from Australia sent me this,” he wrote in the caption. “Them roos are wild as hell.”
The video has since been viewed more than 3.5 million times.
Welcome back to The Week in Hot Messes, a round-up of the wildest and weirdest news stories of the past seven days. This week we covered animal fat hidden in British currency, macaws posing for mug shots, drunkards in white gorilla suits, brazen ATM thefts, a heroic teenager busted for doing donuts in the parking lot of a police station, and more.
We’ll start with the heroic teen, who for some reason decided it was a good idea to do few donuts in his car in the parking lot of a Canadian police station while yelling obscenities at the no doubt baffled cops. Alas, the 19-year-old was arrested and is due back in court later this month.
Speaking of bold criminals, a man in Queens tied a rope around a gas station’s ATM and ripped it from the wall with his Jeep in broad daylight Friday morning. It’s unclear how much money the man made off with, but he remains at large.
We also covered a lot of animal news this week, including an apparently rare photo of two giant tortoises having sex. In less sexy animal news, the Bank of England found itself in hot water after animal rights activists and other concerned Brits demanded that the bank remove the traces of animal fat from its new £5 notes, which were just introduced in September. So far, more than 100,000 people have signed a petition protesting the notes.
In Kansas, a local police department heard rumors of mountain lion sightings, so they set up a couple of trail cameras near a local park. When they reviewed the footage, they didn’t discover evidence of mountain lions…but they did spot a handful of humans dressed as gorillas, Santa, monsters, and Big Foot posing for the camera. Not surprisingly, at least one of the humans appeared to be drinking.
Also, police in Oregon allowed a concerned macaw owner to pose for his mugshot with his beloved pet bird.
Washington County Sheriff’s Department
Meanwhile in likely hoaxes, a Boston-area woman erroneously claimed CNN accidentally aired porn during an Antony Bourdain Parts Unknown marathon Thanksgiving night, and a terrible YouTube star’s car’s front windshield was smashed in by what appears to be an angry New Yorker during a photo shoot.
When Craig Buckner went to court on Monday in Oregon, he brought along his pet macaw—appropriately named Bird—because he thought his appearance would only take a little while. With Bird stashed in a tree outside, Buckner quickly realized the process was taking longer than he expected and began to worry about the well-being of his 4-year-old pet.
KOIN reports that kind-hearted Washington County deputies went to retrieve the macaw but were unsuccessful; apparently, Bucker had trained Bird to only leave the tree for his owner. So deputies escorted the 38-year-old outside to get his pet bird. After caring for Bird in the booking area—where the two took a memorable mugshot together—one of Buckner’s friends arrived to birdwatch while the deputies finished processing Buckner, who was in court because of a failure to appear on previous theft and drug charges.
“Our sheriff’s office has very strong core values of doing the right thing,” Deputy Shoana McKelvey, who cared for “Bird”, said in a press release, according to CBS News. “Mr. Buckner was already in a stressful position and did not need the additional stress and worry of his loved pet, Bird!”
Lauren Graham, the actress who plays Lorelai Gilmore on “Gilmore Girls,” recently appeared on the “The Late Show” and told Stephen Colbert that, despite the trending #EmptyCupAwards on Twitter, she always has coffee in her mugs. Uh huh.
Maybe she’s telling the truth. Maybe there is always coffee in the cups, but I am a firm believer that Lorelai and Rory never actually drank the contents. And here’s why.
First, just look at the photo (above) Netflix used to promote their revival series, “Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life.” What the hell is that? Are Lorelai and Rory supposed to look like they’re drinking out of those mugs or hiding behind them? It’s an awkward pose. And it only makes stronger my case that the two never actually imbibe in the liquid they both claim to be addicted to.
But the biggest tell tale sign is that the ladies don’t eat. Anything. Okay, maybe they take a bird-sized peck once in awhile, but usually, they just push their fork around and talk about food constantly, like some sort of eating disorder where talking about and plating food makes you feel like you ingested something.
Exhibit A: In Season 6, Episode 7, Rory samples some cakes for her upcoming 21st birthday party. Or does she?
At 11:26, we can see her stabbing her fork into some slices, and running the tines across the frosting, but we never actually see food going into her mouth.
Exhibit B: At the 40:09 of Season 2, Ep. 6, the ladies order burgers at Luke’s. And while Rory takes a lifetime to choke down a piece of bun, Lorelai spends the scene dressing hers with condiments. Nobody actually takes a bite of the burger!
If they’re not even eating delicious prop foods, then why would they drink delicious prop coffee?
In Season 6, Ep. 5, there is a two-and-a-half minute scene of Lorelai holding her coffee cup in the kitchen of the Dragonfly Inn, but the cup never touches her lips. Maybe her hands are just cold?
In Season 6, Ep. 1, Rory pretends to pour herself some coffee, and then subsequently grabs creamer out of the fridge. You can see when she tilts her mug while clasping the carton that it’s actually empty. Even when she adds a ton of cream to her mug, you still can’t see any liquids rise to the brim. How’s that steaming cup of cold milk, Rory?
In the proceeding episode, it’s the same thing: At the 13:30 mark, we see Rory walk over to the coffee pot and pour herself some coffee — about a tablespoon’s worth.
In Season 5, Ep. 18, Lorelai pours Rory some coffee. Rory adds cream and sugar, but then just stirs it around and stares into the mug. It’s morning. Wouldn’t a coffee lover dive right into the stuff?
And let’s not forget: every time they walk around holding paper cups, the cups look light as air, which suggests they’re either drinking steamers or the cups are empty (or filled with cotton balls, you pick).
It’s well-known that in certain parts of Brooklyn and in other hipster-filled enclaves everything old is cool again. Mustaches, handcrafted leather boots, elaborate cocktails, bourbon, etc. But a new purported trend makes those anachronisms seem quaint: The Daily Beast reports that Brooklyn hipster dads are now asking their children to call them “papa.”
“I just think ‘dad’ and ‘mom’ are very Saved by the Bell-ish,” Will Grose, a 36-year-old Brooklyn father of three boys, told the Daily Beast’s Lizzie Crocker. “I don’t know if my wife and I explicitly made decisions about what we were going to call ourselves. Maybe there’s some by proxy indoctrination that happens so that you just end up doing what everyone else is doing.”
Grose estimated that half of the children in his four-year-old’s preschool class call their fathers “papa.”
Another man said he preferred “papa” because “dad” reminded him of the rigid relationship he had with his father. “I have fond memories of my dad, but we weren’t that close, so when I became a parent I wanted to be a little more approachable,” Mario Zermeno, a filmmaker in Los Angeles, told the Daily Beast. “I also thought ‘papa’ sounded cool and ‘dad’ was a little too formal, in part because of my relationship with my own father.”
For some dads, the word dad is just too boring. “There’s no excitement to it, and I feel like the word papa nowadays has so many meanings,” said Justin Underwood, a 34-year-old IT professional who lives in Virginia. “We live in an age when fathers are more in touch with their feminine sides and are all right with playing dress-up and putting on makeup with their daughters.”
Papa is also an “open-minded, liberal term,” according to Underwood.
Even Brooklyn moms are embracing the trend. “I had heard little kids using ‘papa’ before and it sounds so cute,” said, Stacie Johnson, a 38-year-old mother of one who lives in Bushwick, Brooklyn. Johnson added that being referred to as “mama” and “papa” allowed her and her husband to avoid thinking of their own parents, who they both called “mom and dad.”
Jessica Lynne is a Seattle-based, Denmark-born country singer. The video, “Calling Me Home,” was nominated for The Seattle Video Shorts Festival as Video of the Year. The ceremony was held two weeks ago and although she didn’t win, the video took away the Audience Favorite Award. She has a new EP out called Catch Me If You Can on London Tone Music. Jessica is an amazingly busy performer, playing someplace almost every night.
