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Latest International Health Scare: The Killer Hickey

Al Olson
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Latest International Health Scare: The Killer Hickey

A seemingly innocent “love bite” on the neck turned into a kiss of death for a Mexico teen–a cautionary tale, to be sure.

Julio Macias Gonzalez, 17, died after suction from the killer kiss from his unnamed 24-year-old girlfriend gave him a blood clot, which moved to his brain and caused a stroke.

Hickeys—for generations the tale-tell sign of teenage hanky-panky—are generally considered embarrassing, tacky, or silly. But this is the first documented case of a hickey fatality.

Can a hickey actually kill you?

It would have to be “the mother of all hickeys,” Robert Glatter, an emergency room physician at New York’s Lenox Hill Hospital told the USA Today.  “It’s possible this could happen, but it’s very rare, and parents should be reassured it’s not something that happens in a routine way.”

This is not the first time that a nefarious neck nibble did severe damage. In 2010, a 44-year-old New Zealand woman wound up in the emergency room complaining that she was unable to move her arm. The ER doctors’ diagnosis was that she suffered a minor stroke, which they claimed was caused by a hickey on her neck. Luckily for her, she recovered.

The New Zealand Medical Journal studied this unusual issue shortly after and concluded:

It is a rare phenomenon and diagnosis requires a high index of suspicion.

Suspicion indeed!

Here’s a little helpful advice:

The next time your lover whispers in your ear something like “I want to suck on your neck so hard I am going to leave an ugly purple mark and possibly break your blood vessels causing a clot and potentially killing you,” gently resist.

Posted By: Al Olson

Wipeout: 5 Glorious Videos Of People Slipping On Ice

TFT Editors
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Wipeout: 5 Glorious Videos Of People Slipping On Ice

As we noted earlier this week, walking on ice in the dead of winter can be both tricky and hilarious. As long as no one gets injured, few things are funnier than seeing someone failing to keep their footing as they try to do routine things over patches of ice. Here are some of the internet’s best clips of people eating it on ice.

 

Guy Falling For 9 Seconds While Trying To Shovel Snow

This video is exactly what it says it is: Nine seconds of a guy flailing while trying to shovel an icy patch of snow. It almost looks like he’s wrestling with some invisible demon or something. Eventually the man recovers his balance and begins to walk away unscathed.

Falling Kids On Ice

A classic of the genre, this nearly six minute long video consists of a dad sitting in his car outside of his daughter’s school recording kids as they keep on wiping out on the same patch of ice. “Okay, everybody’s been slipping on ice,” he says at the video’s start. Let’s see what those ladies do.” It takes about 15 seconds before the first kid falls; easily a dozen or so more fall before his daughter gets in the car and joins in the fun.

8 Minutes Of People Falling Over The Same Patch Of Ice

Much like the previous video, this is a clip of someone filming the same ice-covered area—in this case, part of a bridge—and waiting for people to fall. Practically everyone that walks over the bridge at least stumbles on the ice patch; of that group, many end up on their butt.

Ice Falls

The boringly-titled video above is 129 seconds of a group of people laughing at pedestrians as they fall while walking over the same icy patch of sidewalk.

Funny People Falling On Ice Compilation

This is a three-minute compilation of some of the better ice falls available on the internet. Our favorites are the ones in which people try to execute some cool ice slide, thinking incorrectly they’re in control when, of course, they aren’t and end up sprawled on the ground.

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Learn To Relax With the Cool Animals From The Chill Wild Life Instagram Account

TFT Editors
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Learn To Relax With the Cool Animals From The Chill Wild Life Instagram Account

Life can be overwhelming. Between the stress of work and family, it’s sometimes easy to lose track of really matters: taking the time to actually relax and enjoy things, man. Which is why the Chill Wildlife account is so wonderful: It presents us with photos of extremely chill animals doing cool things.

Bustle reports the account was created by Jeff Hamada, a Japanese Canadian artist. Below are a few of our favorite Chill Wildlife photos and videos

Here’s a chill little dog really taking his time and enjoying a nice walk in the snow. He gets bonus points for his extremely good hat.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOLtjArAY6X/

This remarkably relaxed rat kicking back and nibbling on some cheese should be an example for all of us.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BN4_FUZgnia/?taken-by=chillwildlife&hl=en

Who doesn’t feel inspired after watching this beagle walk sooo slowly underneath this tasseled purse so it scratches his back?

https://www.instagram.com/p/BNm9-flj9DC/?taken-by=chillwildlife&hl=en

Two buddies who absolutely don’t worry about the little things.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BNdQC5GgBFE/?taken-by=chillwildlife&hl=en

Someone please get this dog some free pizza.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BNaqwsyjeNf/?taken-by=chillwildlife&hl=en

Just a sheep and a dog who are good buds, hanging out with each other.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BNVmDshAD5z/?taken-by=chillwildlife&hl=en

These chill dogs are here to offer emotional support for this very chill baby.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BNOQR2uAVPM/?taken-by=chillwildlife&hl=en

That’s the good stuff.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BM-LyOagYvR/?taken-by=chillwildlife&hl=en

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The Week in Hot Messes: Burrito Lawsuits, Bionic Penises, And The Wedding From Hell

TFT Editors
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The Week in Hot Messes: Burrito Lawsuits, Bionic Penises, And The Wedding From Hell

As we get deeper and deeper into winter, we’re still getting plenty of free heat from idiots and heroes around the world who find themselves involved in hot messes. This week we learned about a horrendous maid of honor in Florida, a confused grandmother in Brazil, sexually-active animals in Japan, and man with a bionic penis in Scotland. Let’s revisit the week in hot messes.

First we’ll go to Japan, where scientists observed “sexual behavior between a male Japanese macaque and female sika deer.” The interspecies loving is believed to be the first documented consensual sex between such different animals.

Moving on to Brazil, where a woman discovered that her grandmother has accidentally been praying to a Lord of the Rings figurine instead of a small Saint Anthony statue. “We tried to explain right away but she didn’t understand at first,” the woman said. “The next day we explained again and she understood and we got her a new figure of Saint Anthony.” Once the story went viral, the granddaughter said it was “the funniest thing that’s ever happened to me.”

A woman in California filed a lawsuit against Chipotle seeking $2.2 billion in damages. The reason? She claims the company used a photograph of her without her permission in its ads and photoshopped in alcohol. The $2.2 billion equals the total profit the company has earned since 2006, when the woman says the photograph was first used in the company’s advertisements.

We also learned about Mohammed Abad, who recently recently had an eight-inch-long bionic penis surgically added to replace the penis he’d damaged in a freak accident as a child. Abad, who last year lost his virginity at the age of 43 to a prostitute who specializes in disabled clients, told a British TV station that he’d like to date a “sex robot” but only if he was single at the time.

Screenshot via ITV

Speaking of penises, a woman was arrested for stealing 31 boxes of Trojan condoms from a grocery store in Illinois. It’s unclear what she planned on doing with the $300 worth of prophylactics.

And finally, in the Hot Mess of the Week, there was a Florida woman who allegedly chugged most of a bottle of Fireball, punched a man, stole a car, and exposed herself–all while serving as Maid of Honor at her friend’s wedding. Needless to say, the woman and the bride are no longer friends.

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Watch An Insane Man Crush A Yellow Jacket Nest With His Bare Hands

Taylor Berman
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Watch An Insane Man Crush A Yellow Jacket Nest With His Bare Hands

Below is a video of a man climbing a ladder and squashing an entire yellow jacket nest with his bare hands, killing all of the insects inside. As the insane man does so, he describes each of his actions to someone off camera named “Chantel.”

“I have to be careful, the man says in the video. “It’s a big hive. Let me see how I’ll do this. I’ll go in. I’ll grab every last one.”

He then does just that, grabbing the softball sized nest and squeezing it between his hands until all of the yellow jackets inside are squished into mush. “It’s here,” he says near the clip’s end. “Every last man. That’s for you Chantel.”

As impressive and crazy as the man’s feat is, it’s not exactly something we, or anyone sane, would recommend trying at home. As one YouTube commenter put it: “I’ve done pretty much exactly the same thing except instead of a yellow jacket nest it was a cockroach and instead of my bare hands I called an exterminator.”

‘The Young Pope’ Is Real And Will Be Your Favorite New Weird Watch

Brendan Bures
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‘The Young Pope’ Is Real And Will Be Your Favorite New Weird Watch

Here is the greatest summation of “The Young Pope,” an upcoming HBO mini-series already captivating many prior to its premiere:

Why might anyone consider this legitimate show fake? Has Facebook and the election unnerved our faith, shook us so deeply we don’t believe in anything anymore?

For some certainty, we turn to HBO’s official description of “The Young Pope”:

From Paolo Sorrentino, […] “The Young Pope” tells the controversial story of the beginning of Pius XIII’s pontificate. Born Lenny Belardo, he is a complex and conflicted character, so conservative in his choices as to border on obscurantism, yet full of compassion towards the weak and poor. The first American pope, Pius XIII is a man of great power who is stubbornly resistant to the Vatican courtiers, unconcerned with the implications to his authority.

Yeah that’s not doing it for me. Programs to be seen, not heard, though. To understand its mood and aesthetic, let us instead turn to the show’s trailer.

“I don’t have any sins to confess. My only sin is that my conscience does not accuse me of anything.”

“I don’t care about your opinions, if I’m up for the task. I don’t care if you think I’m weak or a scoundrel.”

“Everyone is afraid of you.”
“That’s not exactly true. But it will be.”

“I know everything a powerful man needs to about the people he works with. And I am the most powerful man of all.”

*inhales deeply while face shakes uncontrollably* That’s the stuff.

The Young Pope in its teasers appears to teeter between farce and self-serious tyranny. Jude Law is giving off some serious Dickie Greenleaf eccentric vibes while Diane Keaton scoffs and skulks, as if she were saying, “I dealt with Godfathers—as in plural—and pretended Woody Allen was a lovable kook for 90 minutes; you think you worry me?” Thus far, it has captured the crossroads of the so-weird-is-he-real, lawless political leader and the meme/fan culture community who thrives on that kind of stuff.

https://twitter.com/pixelatedboat/status/818963359571640321

https://twitter.com/ElaineF/status/817081084253011968

Better perhaps, is the trend to transform *hip* and *young* songs to include The Young Pope. You know, because he appeals to the kids and what better way to appeal to kids than through their tunes.

https://twitter.com/annetdonahue/status/817025647025524737

https://twitter.com/markhoppus/status/817546836135133185

https://twitter.com/BRANDONWARDELL/status/817469379319242753

Tonally, the show seems moody, macabre, and mature—who we kidding? It’s called The Young Pope. He will be immature and insolent and hopefully piss off some people and ruin some relationships—and possibly a whole religion!—in the process. You bet your ass we’ll be watching.

Fresh Playlist: The xx Embraces Pop, DMX Is Back As Bane

Brendan Bures
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Fresh Playlist: The xx Embraces Pop, DMX Is Back As Bane

With new music flying like warp-speed through the various channels of the tnternet, it can be hard to keep up. But worry not. We’re here to deliver the most-discussed and exciting songs that you need for the weekend.

 The xx—“Lips”

Once almost combatively not mainstream or interested in competing within pop’s cheerier sounds, The xx was a brooding escape for serious music lovers. That hasn’t changed on the band’s third LP I See You, though far less brooding. They retain a sense of moodiness though expand their reach farther than before, with upbeat, hopeful records like “Lips” and “Say Something Loving.” Saying something like The xx has grown up or are finally happy is too reducing a thought. But they do carry the air of people a little more okay, a little more sure of their place of the world. And that’s something to celebrate.

Sampha—“No One Knows Me (Like My Piano)”

The British crooner continues to trickle out tracks from his debut album Process. Following the haunting electro-bop “Blood on Me” and big, billowing hymn “Timmy’s Prayer,” Sampha strips away all instrumentation in this vulnerable ballad. Just a singer-songwriter and his piano. The splendid “No One Knows Me (Like My Piano)” further displays how meticulously thought-out and complete in expression Sampha can be. Process is shaping up to be something truly special.

SZA—“Drew Barrymore”

For those unaware, SZA “actually quit” music last year. Thank goodness that didn’t happen. SZA doesn’t so much sing as swallow you whole as you disappear in her melancholic, yet warm worlds. “Drew Barrymore” shows a maturity in songwriting for SZA, while still reminding why listeners fell in love the first time. She also debuted a new collaboration with Travis Scott in New York this week and announced the title of her new album on Jimmy Kimmel Thursday night. It’s called CTRL and it’s “actually” coming out. So much for quitters never winning.

DMX ft. Swizz Beatz—“Bane is Back”

If voices are instruments, then DMX’s is a machete. Blunt, vicious, and powerful in jungles. Swizz Beatz has always provided DMX that jungle to unleash and slash. Every villain needs his dark knight. This bangs exactly as you hoped it would.

The Internet’s Syd—“All About Me”

When The Internet announced last year that each member of the band was crafting individual projects, worry spread. What was happening? Would this lead to demise? Soon, Syd revealed her project would debut first and focus on a more mainstream appeal. With “All About Me,” that much is clear, and it’s not a negative. And with a chorus of “Take care of the family that you came with” and appearnaces from The Internet band members in the video, neither is the idea of The Internet showcasing their individual projects.

Childish Gambino—“Terrified (Zikomo Remix)”

A great remix both reinforces and reinterprets what made a song great in the first place. And it makes you want to dance. Zikomo pulls off all the above with this remix off the already catchy Chidlish Gambino track “Terrified.”

It’s A Party! Woman Arrested For Stealing 31 Boxes of Trojan Condoms

TFT Editors
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It’s A Party! Woman Arrested For Stealing 31 Boxes of Trojan Condoms

Buying in bulk is a financially sound strategy if you can afford it. Stealing in bulk, however, is not such a great idea, especially if you’re stealing dozens of boxes of condoms from a grocery store.

The Smoking Gun reports Shaearion Davis is accused of doing just that earlier this week at a Schnucks market in Swansea, Illinois. The 25-year-old woman allegedly grabbed 31 boxes of Trojan condoms and then walked out of the store. Schnucks employees spotted the condom theft and called 911. Several employees also followed Davis, according to the police report.

When Davis spotted cops, she tried to ditch the condoms, according to the report. She was arrested on charges of felony retail theft. She was later charged with obstructing a police officer after she allegedly refused to let officers photograph or fingerprint her at the police station.

It’s not clear what she planned to do with the 31 box of condoms, which were valued at $300.

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Man With Bionic Penis Wants To Date A Sex Robot

TFT Editors
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Man With Bionic Penis Wants To Date A Sex Robot

A man who recently had an eight-inch bionic penis surgically added says he’d like to date a “sex robot.”

Mohammed Abad, whose penis was injured in a freak childhood accident, had 121 operations over years to add his bionic penis, which reportedly inflates with liquid from his stomach when he presses a button in his stomach. Last March, the 44-year-old super market worker from Edinburgh lost his virginity with a prostitute who specializes in working with the disabled.

“I’ve been waiting for this day since I was 18,” he said after. “But now a big burden is off my back and I’m so happy.”

Almost a full year later, Abad told the Daily Star that he’d be game for dating a sex robot if they ever become available.

“It would be wrong to say that I don’t get lonely because I do,” he said, noting that he often doesn’t get home from work until after 9 p.m. “I am human because that is what we all do.”

“I am not one of these people who will stop everything to find a woman,” he added. “I would definitely date a sex robot – if I was single at the time.”

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Watch A Cat Fearlessly Sled Down A Hill With His Owner

Taylor Berman
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Watch A Cat Fearlessly Sled Down A Hill With His Owner

We don’t know a ton about this wonderful video of a man sledding down a hill with his cat happily perched on his shoulders. “My cat, Weston enjoys hitting the sledding run when it snows,” the YouTube description reads, which seems accurate enough based on what we can see in the clip.

“Here we go Weston. Let’s hope we don’t wipe out, buddy. Hang on, man! Picking up speed. Hi mom! Holy shiii…” the cat’s owner says in the clip before it suddenly cuts to another angle.

Weston seems to enjoy the ride. He crawls around a bit on his owner’s shoulders and at one point appears to dig his claws into the man’s shoulder for extra traction, but he faces the speed with an admirable wide-eyed fearlessness. As far as we can tell, both man and cat survived the ride unscathed.

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