As they like to say in Hollywood, all the events in Carrie Clark’s music are based on a true story. Not just curious events, but the gamut of emotions brought to the fore by challenges both large and small, and how our voices, faces and body language reflect different sentiments. Clark finds people endlessly fascinating, and all her songs dwell on human foibles. She knows the best places to eavesdrop on inspiring anecdotes, too. “I love dive bars in the winter,” she adds.
Watch A Foul-Mouthed Grandmother Prepare A Vegan Thanksgiving Meal
The animal lovers at PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) released a video starring a very foul-mouthed Peggy Glenn, aka Granny Potty Mouth, describing how to make a vegan version of a Turducken, or as she puts it—a tofucken.
A turducken is a chicken stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a turkey, which Glenn says is “probably the grossest shit I’ve ever head of…It’s usually eaten by simple douchebags.”
As an alternative, Glenn suggests preparing tempe and then stuffing it inside a block of tofu. As her tofu is marinating in the video, our chef goes on a little tangent.
“You know, a perk of this recipe is that you don’t have to eat body parts and shit,” Glenn says. Some of those cooking show twats, they even smile as they stuff bread up bird’s asses. Isn’t that goddamn strange?”
Back to the tofu, which is then wrapped in seitan and roasted until golden brown. “Isn’t it nice not to be eating fucking corpses?” she asks as her dish finishes baking, before listing all the way most poultry are regularly mistreated.
“Don’t be a weak ass motherfucker,” she concludes. “Become a vegan.”
Watch the full clip below.
Weekly Delight, Election Edition: Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton Posing With Dogs
As the most insane and distressing presidential election in recent history winds down, lets try to remember that both candidates are, underneath their pantsuits and orange skin, people who occasionally do or pretend to do normal things, like pose with good dogs and cats.
No matter your politics, it’s hard to argue that Hillary Clinton doesn’t have the edge when it comes to public photos with pets, if only because of her eight years in the White House with Socks the cat and Buddy the dog.
Here she is pandering to both dog and cat lovers like the skilled politician she is.
Hillary Clinton: Truly an equal opportunity cat & dog lover pic.twitter.com/rOWhCKHUu6
— Alicia Eler (@aliciaeler) October 15, 2016
A fantastic photo of Clinton relaxing with a clearly terrified Socks.
Not shown: @HillaryClinton sitting in that chair for all eternity because Socks was all snuggled up and comfy #imwithfur #imwithher pic.twitter.com/DpEe6lzgAs
— Lindsay Goldwert 👑 (@lindsaygoldwert) November 3, 2016
Is Socks the cat wearing a leash here?
Happy #NationalCatDay! President @billclinton & First Lady @HillaryClinton with the First Cat, Socks, at the @WhiteHouse. #ImWithHer #vote pic.twitter.com/6qFKsdnMY4
— (((inglamwetrust))) (@inglamwetrust) October 29, 2016
Republicans and democrats both agree that Buddy the dog was a very good dog.
Donald Trump doesn’t appear to be much of a pet person, but he–in keeping with his image as a beauty contest mogul and lover of winners–has still managed to mingle with some of the best dogs on the planet.
Here’s Trump making a presidential face with a very good and sad-looking champion beagle named Tashtins Lookin For Trouble, or Miss P for short, who won Best in Show at the 2015 Westminster Dog Show.
Here’s the GOP leader posing with Palacegarden Malachy, a male Pekingese who was named Best in Show at the Westminster Dog Show in 2012.
And here he is with Foxcliffe Hickory Wind, the Scottish deerhound named Best in Show at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show in 2011.
The most essential daily news, entertainment, pop culture, and culture coverage. Want more? Check out “Bill Murray And Eddie Vedder Sing The Band’s ‘The Weight’,” “Please Bow Down To The Greatest iPhone Heist Of The Century,” “Meet Popeye, The Rescue Pup Who Now Eats At Pet Friendly Restaurants Every Day”
Hungry Or Maybe Just Lazy Bear Rides On Top Of Garbage Truck For 5 Miles
Bears are naturally smart and curious critters that are more than capable of finding shortcuts in life. They also love to eat things out of the trash. So it’s hard to know exactly what motivated this bear to climb on top of a garbage truck and ride it for five miles. Was he looking for a snack and got trapped? Or was he trying to avoid a long walk? We’ll likely never know, but the fact of the bear’s incredible voyage remains.
From the Associated Press:
Santa Fe National Forest spokeswoman Julie Anne Overton says the driver was picking up a dumpster last week when he heard a squeal then realized the bear was on top of the truck. It rode atop the vehicle to a site where the Forest Service keeps a firefighting helicopter.
Eventually, the truck backed up to a nearby tree, which the bear climbed. After an hour or so of probably reminiscing over the day’s many adventures, the bear climbed down from the tree and ran off. An exciting day for everyone, especially the bear!
Little Girl Has The Most Confusing Snack Ever: Her Aunt’s Eyeshadow Palette
This toddle made her aunt Internet Famous after she tried to eat a Too Faced Chocolate Bar eyeshadow palette.
Who could blame her? The palette looks like an actual candy bar on the outside, smells like chocolate, and is made with sweet ingredients including cherry cordial, crème brulee, hazelnut, milk chocolate and triple fudge, according to the product page.
Upon finding this cosmetic carnage, Lauren did the responsible thing: Kept calm, made sure the kid wasn’t going to die from digging into the eyeshadow, and then posted the results to Twitter. A photo of the very grumpy (but probably delicious smelling) girl got tens of thousands of retweets and likes.
https://twitter.com/llaurenbbby/status/759470614352498688
I’d probably be crying if a child ate $50 worth of makeup, but maybe that’s just me.
As the tweet went viral, her mentions blew up with people either decrying her as a terrible aunt or sharing their own “this kid ate my makeup” stories. Some urged her to call 911 or get the girl’s stomach pumped — a patently awful idea for this situation — but Auntie Lauren had it handled. She called both Poison Control and Too Faced to make sure the eyeshadow wouldn’t hurt her niece. The most illness she would likely have is diarrhea, they told her.
The whole saga had a happy ending:
https://twitter.com/llaurenbbby/status/759571844206698496
Bathtub Brisket Burns A Delicious Hole In Woman’s Apartment
Ain’t no party like a bathtub brisket party. At least, apparently, in Tennessee.
The Knoxville Fire Department recently responded to a woman who’d tried to barbeque brisket over an open fire in her fiberglass bathtub, thus melting the tub and almost burning her apartment complex down in the process.
Local Knoxville news WVLT reported that they found the woman fanning smoke from her apartment. No one was hurt, but it’s unclear whether the brisket survived the ordeal. And if it did, just how far past well done it was.
Meanwhile, it seems possible that this apartment complex is running a black market smoked meats ring, as the bathtub pitmaster’s fourth floor neighbor also once tried to use a charcoal grill in the living room.
What We Learned From This Game of Thrones Blooper Reel
Filming a sprawling fantasy epic like Game of Thrones certainly has its challenges. There are complicated costumes, remote locations, and elaborate fake languages to memorize. But judging from this blooper reel, more mundane issues—like pronouncing relatively simple words in English—proved troubling for certain cast members, like Peter Dinklage.
The award-winning actor tried and failed to pronounce “benevolent” at least seven times, by my count, in one scene alone. The clip also shows Emilia Clarke, aka Daenerys Targaryen, struggling with a speech in Dothraki, and a “nude” Jon Snow faking modesty during his crucial resurrection scene.
The Aggressive Turkey Known As Downtown Tom Is Causing Problems In California
If you live in Davis, California and frequent the Wells Fargo, beware of the turkey known as Downtown Tom, who hangs out in the bank’s parking lot. The gobbling bird has, as KCRA reports, been chasing after, aggressively circling, and lunging at people who would just like to go about their business without a big turkey getting in their way.
Some concerned residents have called 911 about the red wattled beast. “Yes, this is almost embarrassing,” one caller told the dispatcher. “I am trying to get into my office on G Street in Davis and I have this huge turkey surrounding my car, circling me and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to run it over but I can’t stay in my car all morning, is there any advice you can give me?”
"This is almost embarrassing."
Wild Turkeys in Davis are so aggressive some residents are calling 911 for help. Audio below. pic.twitter.com/N1zpc8Nr7J— Tom Miller (@TomMillerNews) November 3, 2016
“Hi, um, [gobble noises heard in background] I got a turkey here that just won’t let me leave,” another concerned resident said. “It just put me in a corner and I can’t exactly go anywhere.”
A third caller said, “I can’t leave, I can’t go anywhere [gobble sounds heard]… It’s just standing here, and I’ve got to get somewhere.”
And a fourth caller reported that the turkey came close to physically attacking someone: “Um yeah, so, there’s a turkey between 4th and on 5th and F that’s running around chasing after people. And this was like…it was attacking, pretty much attacking a guy.”
So what should Davis residents do about the menace Downtown Tom? “Be the dominant species, essentially,” City Wildlife Resource Specialist John McNerney told KCRA. “Don’t let it intimidate you, which can be difficult for some folks.”
If anyone in the area speaks bird, they should warn Downtown Tom and his fellow winged friends that an ordinance passed last week allows the city to euthanize aggressive turkeys, which is bad news for their with Thanksgiving just around the corner.
[KCRA]
Watch Bill Murray And 3 Chicago Cubs Sing “Go Cubs Go” on ‘SNL’
On “Weekend Update” during last night’s Saturday Night Live, hosts Colin Jost and Michael Che welcomed four people with their backs to the camera—all dressed as though they were in a barbershop quartet—who Jost said had recently won The Voice. One by one, Cubs stars Anthony Rizzo, David Ross, and Dexter Fowler turned around, followed by SNL vet and Cubs superfan Bill Murray.
Jost asked the group to “put into words what it means to be named the first winners of the Weekend Update’s The Voice contest.”
“It’s unbelievable,” Rizzo replied. “I can’t describe it,” said Ross. “It’s the best thing we’ve ever done,” said Fowler.
“You on the end, you look familiar,” Jost asked Murray. “Did you use to work here?”
“I did,” Murray replied. “But that was so many lifetimes ago. Right now, for me, it’s all about our music.”
Murray then announced that they’d be singing an “original composition titled ‘Go Cubs Go.’” With the help of some backup singers, that’s just what they did. Watch the video below.
Later, Rizzo, Ross, and Fowler joined show host Benedict Cumberbatch for a sketch about male strippers dancing for a dead grandmother called “Surprise Bachelorette,” during which the trio made a series of bad baseball/sex puns–“We’re about to hit a ‘Granny Slam’,” Fowler said–before dancing around in skimpy clothes. Watch it below.
Enjoy this while you can, for soon the Chicago Cubs and Bill Murray will become unbearable. But until then, revisit other Murray/Cubs viral moments like the time he crashed a White House press conference, the time he sang a Daffy Duck-inspired rendition of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” the time he sang The Band’s “The Weight” with Eddie Vedder, and the time he emotionally and drunkenly interviewed members of the Cubs following their historic victory in the World Series.
Boy Face Plants While Riding Bike in Background of Live Newscast
On Thursday, WPLG’s Glenna Milberg was reporting live from a neighborhood in Miami when a local kid riding his bike in the background lost his front tire, causing him to eat it face first.
The accident happened as Milberg was discussing the shooting death of Tabitha Jamison, a 21-year-old mother killed Tuesday in a drive-by night. The terrible tragedy of that incident hasn’t stopped video of the bike crash from going viral and earning tens of thousands of views across different social media platforms.
But what about the boy? Aside from a few scratches and maybe some hurt pride, he’s doing just fine according to Milberg.
“For those asking-The boy on the bike who went down face-first in our live shot? He’s just fine (& now famous with his friends),” she wrote on Twitter.
For those asking-The boy on the bike who went down face-first in our live-shot? He's just fine (& now famous with his friends)@WPLGLocal10 pic.twitter.com/rsvTVBqpEX
— Glenna Milberg (@GlennaWPLG) November 3, 2016
