The Big Lebowski is that kind of movie every friend demands you watch. A classic, they say. One of the greatest films ever, they assert.
These friends of yours aren’t wrong. Here’s another reason if you need one: The Big Lebowski predicts the rise of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. That’s what a recent article from The Guardian posits anyways. Using quotes from the movie, it helps explain, or at the very least, echo some of what Trump has laid down during his campaign.
Here’s a few: “You have no frame of reference here, Donny. You’re like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie …” The Dude says to Walter, which explains how Trump, a man with no public office experience, bullied his way to—er—became a presidential candidate.
Or how about: “Look, pal, there never was any money. Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, so take it up with him, man!” The Dude says to the Nihilists, which some might believe reference Trump and his taxes.
The whole post is certainly worth your time. As far as the presidential election goes, here’s another Big Lebowski quote that explains our feelings: “Fuck it, dude. Let’s go bowling.”
We’re in the midst of a clown attack epidemic. When 30 shaken kids come up to you and say “Did you see the clown in the woods?” shit has gotten truly real. It’s such a prevalent problem, that people have started using “A clown attacked me” as an excuse for being late for work.
These creepy-ass clowns are luring children into the woods in South Carolina, Georgia, and now Ohio. Cincinnati’s WCPO reports that a woman was chased to her apartment by a clown, after a rash of other clown-related incidents in the area. Here’s the 911 call from that day:
“I just got home from work and got out of my car — I have heard so much about this, I didn’t know this was actually true — but I just got chased by a clown up to the door of my apartment,” she tells the police in the call. The attacker was wearing a full red-and-white clown suit and a plastic mask.
The next day, WCPO reports that a clown attack and threats to schools forced classes to cancel. A clown-suited man grabbed a woman by the throat while she was smoking on her porch at 4 a.m., and told her “I should just kill you now” and “students and teachers (will) wish they were never born at the junior and senior high school today.”
While the world breaks into circus-themes chaos, one Ohio 18-year-old decided to get cute, calling the cops to report her own pre-dawn clown attack. She told police that a clown-clad weirdo jumped a fence, brandished a knife, and cut her thumb. While the paramedics checked her out, she took the time to calmly scroll Facebook.
Her extreme chill in what should have been a pretty harrowing situation, combined with several inconsistencies in her report, tipped off police: Turns out, she was faking it to avoid being fired from her job at McDonald’s. You know it’s a bad day when faking a clown attack tale is the only alternative to being late for work and losing your job.
Within our hyper-accelerated news culture, it can be tough to keep up with everything. But maintaining an informed populace remains vital to our culture. So for those stories that don’t quite need your undivided attention, we’re helping you digest stuff with GIFS, pics, and whatever qualifies as a quick fix. Remember: Knowing is half the battle. The other half: Laughing at funny memes.
Kim Kardashian conspiracy rumors
Kanye West was The Meadows festival headliner, but he abruptly cut his set short when his assistant delivered the news: Kim Kardashian had been robbed at gunpoint.
Details spread that two robbers had broken in, tied up Kardashian, and reportedly stole near $11 million in jewelry, including her $4.5 million wedding ring, and two smartphones. She returned to New York almost immediately, reuniting with husband Kanye.
The internet showed its truest self when, upon hearing this news, reacted with kindness and empathy.
Shit, I always forget how the internet works. Instead people reacted with multiple conspiracy theories of why the robbery went down.
Like Kim staging a publicity stunt:
The whole Kim Kardashian fiasco just seems like a massive publicity stunt, and an even bigger insurance job to me.
Okay that last one was just the NRA. Anyways, we go to our Kim Kardashian expert, someone close to the story, to hear his reaction to all these rumors.
Some athletes choose to stay far away from politics of any kind, including endorsing presidential candidates. As Michael Jordan famously said, “Republicans buy sneakers, too.” Considering the added backlash and uproar capable in the social media era, it’s no surprise athletes often remove themselves from the conversation.
Which is why LeBron James’ endorsement as Hillary Clinton comes as a bit of a surprise. Not only did the man endorse her, he wrote an op-ed explaining why for the Akron Beach Journal.
“I support Hillary because she will build on the legacy of my good friend, President Barack Obama. I believe in what President Obama has done for our country and support her commitment to continuing that legacy.”
He also cited building a strong foundation for his kids and addressing violence in the African-American community as influences on his endorsement.
And to all the critics and haters who tell LeBron he should just stick to playing basketball, he has a message for you:
Ben Affleck names new superhero flick “The Batman”
During a press junket for The Accountant, Ben Affleck’s new psycho thriller with Anna Kendrick, reporters seemed keen on asking the actor/director on another movie. That movie of course being Batman.
Here’s what Affleck had to say:
“The movie I think is going to be called The Batman. At least that’s what we’re going with right now. I might change it… That’s about all I got right now. We’re working on the script, the script is going well, I’m really excited about it.”
This comes in addition to reports that Affleck and collaborator Geoff Johns are trying to make “the ultimate Batman movie.” As Birth.Movies.Death reports, expect to see all your favorite villains from Bats’ Rogues Gallery, as they’ll all make an appearance some way or another.
Let’s just hope this ends better than previous DC movie efforts. I can’t see Sad Affleck again. It’s too sad.
It must end. It must end here and it must end now. Happy National Barf Day.
No, I’m not talking about the campaign of a certain unhinged presidential candidate. Though, I’d be fine if that ended, as well. Instead, I’m here to say in no uncertain terms that what we will call the Day-ification of social media, and hence contemporary life, must end.
I’ve sat, simmering, through all manner of “days.” National Cupcake Day. National Flip-Flop Day . National Whatever Day. But now. Now. Now I’m ready to celebrate National Screw All These Days Day. The final filthy straw in this disgusting marketing cocktail?
Tacos and beer? Hell, yes. Tacos and tequila? A grand tradition.
Glad you asked. It happened when I woke up this morning to find that it is not simply National Taco Day, (which, by the way, of all the days, might actually be a day I could get with), but is also, incongruously: National Vodka Day.
Have you ever tried to combine tacos and vodka? Yeah, us either. And you know why none of us have ever tried to combine tacos and vodka? Because it’s gnarly as hell sounding, and totally, totally gross. Like smelling-vomit-then-vomiting-yourself-then-causing-someone-else-to-vomit-in-a-giant-vomitous-circle gross.
Tacos and beer? Hell, yes. Tacos and tequila? A grand tradition. Tacos and rum? Even that is far superior to tacos and vodka. I am pretty sure if you mix tacos with vodka, it won’t end well. So let’s combine the two days into National Barf Day.
Oh, and guess what? While writing this post, I may have stumbled upon the single day that is not an official or even unofficial day: National Barf Day.
And so, I’m calling upon all of you, good, sane, reasonable people to help us put an end to this day-ly madness. An end of “days,” if you will. Let some savvy person out there please take National Barf Day and run with it as far as you possible can. It will be our own not-so-quiet protest against the aggressive, transparent, and heinous ritual that these marketing days have come to be. Perhaps by this time next year, we can make October 4 into a third, unfortunate day to add alongside Taco and Vodka day.
Until then: let’s lose the vodka part of this day, and just put our energy toward getting those taco trucks on every corner. And a very, very Happy National Barf Day to you and to all those you love and cherish.
I heard that some former NFL star is opening a new gym in San Francisco (of course) that’s geared toward marijuana and working out while stoned. Sounds awesome. The problem is, I live in Milwaukee. Smoking marijuana while on a treadmill isn’t really a thing here in the Midwest, if you know what I mean. Do you think I can just use my neighborhood 24Hour Fitness for my own little weed workout?
Willy in Wisconsin
————————
Dear Willy,
Yeah. I heard about that new gym, too. My first thought was, seriously? Even the fitness industry is getting in on the green rush? My second thought was: That place is going to reek. Or will the smell of fresh bud overpower the stench of body sweat? Anyway. I think getting stoned while exercising sounds ridiculous. It’s kind of like eating a chocolate bar while on the elliptical. Why cancel out the healthy feeling while you’re working out? (Some folks, of course, feel differently.) That’s what you’re supposed to do afterward, eh? Sure, ‘ganja yoga’ (also something I find annoying) has been a thing for years now, and ultra-marathoners like to tout the benefits of smoking pot while running millions of miles (apparently it alleviates pain and nausea). But you’re not an ultra-marathoner, are you? Somehow I get the sense you’re just a nice, normal dude who goes to the gym, works out for an hour, and then goes out for beers? If this is the case, I’d say unless you prefer the after-party 2 AM slot at 24Hour Fitness, why not just skip the THC and go for that good old fashioned natural high?
Love,
Ms. Pot
Hey, Fresh Toast readers and Potiquette fans! As marijuana continues its march to nationwide legal status, there are bound to be many, ahem, sticky questions and issues that come up. We’ve already looked at burning issues like if it’s okay to get high with your dad? And what happens when your dinner party host is slow to bust out the weed? We’re guessing you have your own questions for Penelope—so let her hear what’s on your mind! Email a question or two on anything marijuana related to: share@thefreshtoast.com and she will likely feature it on the site! Thanks for reading!
Clubstaurants all started with Tao in 2000. Remember that scene in Sex and the City when Carrie catches Mr. Big on a date while on a date with her new jazz musician boyfriend, Ray King? That was the original Tao.
They’ve since spawned a Tao Downtown.
It seems like almost every episode after that found the girl group at the opening of a fancy new, larger than life restaurant buzzing with people, music and martinis: SushiSamba, Balzac, Buddakan. This was the boom of the clubstaurant — a fusion restaurant with a nightclub vibe. It’s a place where you could order wasabi tuna sliders while being gawked at and grinded upon.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BCrOvWtKMy6/
And if it hasn’t already, a clubstaurant is probably coming to a city near you, if New York is any indication (which is almost always is).
Right now, NYC is seeing a resurgence of the real life Tinder of 15 years ago. NY Daily News points out that the comeback started with “a trio of hot hybrids” that opened in September, “including Megu being reimagined in the Meatpacking District; the massive four-story, ’70s flashback called The VNYL opening in the East Village; and Squares debuting in Nomad.”
Zagat Editor Kelly Dobkin’s take is that clubstaurants never really went away — they just fell out of fashion.
Due in large part to the financial crisis.
And while the clubstaurants of yesteryear were more about the scene than the food, this new crop is said to be focusing on food and ambiance equally, though it might take some more convincing.
The time has come in Oregon to say goodbye to some popular strain names. So long, Girl Scout Cookies, Grape Ape and other names deemed “attractive to children” by the Oregon Liquor Control Commission, the agency responsible for state’s regulated marijuana program.
The OLCC made the declaration on Sept. 30 after reviewing “about 500 marijuana strain names and believes the rule would apply to less than 20 strains. The action directs staff at OLCC to fairly implement criteria to restrict a narrow set of strain names that refer to cartoon characters, or are names associated with toys and games marketed to or by children.”
One of the most effective arguments against legalization is the fear that the industry is gearing its marketing toward to non-adults. It should be mentioned that many pro-legalization advocates feel the same way. In any event, it is pretty clear that the naming convention of strains could use a more rigorous process.
Grape Ape gets its name from the deep purple color of the bud. Most users comment that it has a taste similar to a sweet grape juice. It is used medicinally for pain relief, muscle relaxation and appetite stimulation.
There are strains out there named White Smurf, Smurfberry, Papa Smurf, Smurfette and Smurf Pussy. (Frankly, the last one was new to me until I read it on the official OLCC website.) White Smurf, the most common on the Smurf family of strains, is popular at cannabis competition for its high THC levels. It is used by those seeking its anti-inflammatory and analgesic properties.
The pine-flavored strain is known for helping those with insomnia and chronic pain. In other words, it’s a popular strain because just about everybody has been known to suffer these issues at some point in their lives.
No, this strain will not help you discover your prince charming. Cinderella 99 is typically high in the THC, the psychoactive ingredient. This sweet, citrus-flavored strain is good for day-time use and has been used to combat migraines and stomach aches. It is also recommended as an appetite stimulant.
A healthy bud of Candyland is a multi-colored delight with a thick coat of sugary trichomes. It is a sativa-dominant strain, good for daytime use. Those that use it medicinally, recommend it for stress relief and fatigue.
If you know anything about The Incredible Hulk, you know that Bruce Banner is the Marvel superheroes mild alter ego. But this strain is anything but mild, at least when it comes to its THC content. This strain packs a punch, with some tests showing almost 30 percent THC level. The citrus-flavored strain is good for depression and nausea.
On the heels of last week’s presidential debate — which set records for TV ratings, general goofiness and internet memes — Tuesday night’s vice-presidential affair promises to be a veritable snoozefest in comparison.
Let’s face it: Democratic nominee Sen. Tim Kaine (D-VA) and his Republican counterpart, Indiana Gov. Mike Pence do not engender much excitement. The only thing that might liven up this event is if Kaine whips out his harmonica and belts out a rendition of “Bohemian Rhapsody.”
Debates among the bottom-of-the-ticket candidates are rarely must-see TV. Sure, there was Sarah Palin’s “Can I call you Joe?” moment and Lloyd Bentsen’s “You’re no John Kennedy” barb. But this year’s VP event promises to be dull as dirt.
But if a question about marijuana legalization should be asked, be prepared for disappointment.
Kaine’s Position
Kaine has slowly evolved on his position of marijuana legalization and his position is now pretty much in line with Hillary Clinton’s.
In a 2014 radio interview, Kaine said ““I’ve never been a legalization fan. I just haven’t been. Just for a whole series of both health- and sort of crime-related reasons, I think that would not be a good idea.”
He has since softened his position a bit, recently. “I actually kind of like this notion of the states as labs and they can experiment (with legalization) and we can see what happens,” he said earlier this year.
Pence’s Position
During a gubernatorial debate in 2012, Pence had this to say about marijuana: “I would not support the decriminalization of marijuana. To be candid with you, growing up in the Hoosier State I’ve seen too many people become involved with marijuana and have their lives sidetracked as a result. We’re to see marijuana become a gateway drug to even worse addictions on their part. … We need to get more serious about confronting the scourge of drugs, especially meth, in Indiana and decriminalization is not the right path in my honest opinion.”
While a member of Congress, Pence repeatedly supported federal government marijuana prohibition, even against medical marijuana patients in legal marijuana states.
These opinions are not totally in line with top-ticket candidate Donald Trump, who appears in support of states deciding the issue.
Both parties are fairly vague in their official platform positions, but the GOP rejected a proposal to endorse medical marijuana.
The Republican Platform Position
“The progress made over the last three decades against drug abuse is eroding, whether for cultural reasons or for lack of national leadership. In many jurisdictions, marijuana is virtually legalized despite its illegality under federal law. At the other end of the drug spectrum, heroin use nearly doubled from 2003 to 2013, while deaths from heroin have quadrupled.
All this highlights the continuing conflicts and contradictions in public attitudes and public policy toward illegal substances. Congress and a new administration should consider the long-range implications of these trends for public health and safety and prepare to deal with the problematic consequences.”
And Kaine’s stance appears to be out of step with his party’s official position.
The Democratic Platform Position
“Because of conflicting laws concerning marijuana, both on the federal and state levels, we encourage the federal government to remove marijuana from its list as a Class 1 Federal Controlled Substance, providing a reasoned pathway for future legalization.”
Will you be watching Tuesday night? It’s unlikely that “Saturday Night Live” will spoof it like last weekend’s brilliant cold open.
Look: After everything Lindsay Lohan has endured—self-inflicted wounds and our vicious piranha-like celebrity culture—it’s kind of incredible she’s still alive. Not even alive, but like out and about, having adventures, doing stuff with her life, ya know? She hasn’t given up, not holed up somewhere and stuff. She even has a new movie out this year.
But goodness, it must be tough living as Lindsay Lohan sometimes. According to Lohan’s Snapchat, she lost some a finger this weekend, thanks to a minor boating accident involving an anchor of some kind. (Don’t call it a metaphor, don’t call it a metaphor.) While it’s maybe a metaphor for Lohan’s life (dammit), the Turkish boating accident caused the actress to lose half of her finger temporarily. It was almost lost, but an emergency room visit with a Turkish plastic surgeon allowed Lohan to reunite with the lost digit.
“Lindsay was enjoying Sunday in the ocean off Turkey when she tried pulling up the boat anchor and became entangled in it.
The anchor pulled her down into the water and she struggled to get back in the boat as she tried untangling herself.
The anchor sliced off the tip of her finger. Her friends went on the hunt and found the detached digit on the deck of the boat. They rushed LiLo to an ER, where a plastic surgeon reattached it.”
The website also has pictures of Lohan’s finger, if you’re interested. Because I’m a masochist who hates himself, I looked. Thanks to my laptop’s webcam and capture software technology, here’s a live look at my reaction:
But, like we said, Lindsay Lohan didn’t actually lose her finger. A dedicated fan captured her Snapchat video post-surgery and uploaded it to Instagram, as well. Thank goodness.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BLEKnbmDXLZ/
I feel like this is a message to everyone out there but: Please, Lindsay, stop hurting yourself so much. This world beats you up enough. Don’t do more damage than necessary.
It’s rare that we witness the precise moment a child discovers the world is a callous place that cares little for your happiness or well-being, but this kid’s bubble popped right before his eyes.
I swear I’m not being melodramatic. Watch the video. When that parental voice intones, “You wanna poke it?” look at how joyous and full of life this child’s face was as he turns to the camera. (Kid knows his internet stage cues, at least.) The bubble bursts, though, from his movement. Then: darkness like the child has never known.
But hey, got to face reality sometime, kid! Tough luck!
Now you might wonder who that voice is when the camera goes to grayscale and dramatically slows. “They ask you how you are and you just have to say that you’re fine—and you’re not really fine—but you just can’t get into it,” you hear before the video ends.
Curious, I performed some internet sleuthing—i.e. some intensive Googling. Turns out this audio comes from a Katy Perry interview, discussing her Prism record and splitting from Russell Brand.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lydqMCTnbjA
This being the internet, apparently that sound bite is A THING, primarily in Vine fail videos. Even that theatrical push-in and the camera shot going black-and-white. Like, it’s a super thing.
So not only did this child lose his innocence, but he’s already been meme. I swear, kids grow up so fast these days.
